A few months ago my sister told me she was sexually abused by our cousin for several years during her childhood. She is now 25 and I was the first person she told. I've done a lot of research since then and encouraged her to work on healing. A couple days ago, she told my mom and other sister. She has been quite distant from the family and wanted to explain why and work on moving forward.
My step father (their father) was physically and verbally abusive to us. Our mother left him after ten years of abuse. My siblings were fairly young when we left so they don't remember a lot. I am older and was 14 at the time. Our mom worked several jobs and went back to school so we wouldn't be raised on Welfare. It was during this time, that my sister started being molested by our cousin. Mom wasn't around much because she was trying to make ends meet and probably was in a terrible mental state from years of abuse. My sister feels some resentment towards her for 'letting' it happen, although her rational mind knows it's not our mom's fault.
When my sister told, she asked my mom to get therapy to deal with this and the abuse from her marriage. Our mom also grew up in an abusive home. Mom still carries a lot of resentment and low self esteem, and it comes out in unhealthy and passive aggressive ways. This causes tension in the family. Now that the sexual abuse has come out, it is a good time for everyone to deal with the damage from the other abuse too. I also highly suspect my youngest sister was molested by that cousin as well.
I've spent many years working on self awareness, and dealing with the anger and resentment so it doesn't hold me back in life. I've worked through a lot now (although self improvement is a life long jouney) and am quite a happy, successful person. I really want the same for everyone else.
I want to support my family and encourage them to seek help so we can heal and be closer. I also want to stop enabling by accepting excuses for not dealing with things and tolerating unhealthy behaviours. We all really love each other and I believe this is a step in the right direction but it's going to take a lot of time I imagine.
I guess what I am looking for is information on this specific type of sexual abuse and advice on helping myself and my family get through this. My whole family turns to me for support since I seem to have recovered the best, so I also need to look after my own mental health. Also, writing this and reading others' stories that have experienced abuse feels therapeutic.
Thank-you!
My step father (their father) was physically and verbally abusive to us. Our mother left him after ten years of abuse. My siblings were fairly young when we left so they don't remember a lot. I am older and was 14 at the time. Our mom worked several jobs and went back to school so we wouldn't be raised on Welfare. It was during this time, that my sister started being molested by our cousin. Mom wasn't around much because she was trying to make ends meet and probably was in a terrible mental state from years of abuse. My sister feels some resentment towards her for 'letting' it happen, although her rational mind knows it's not our mom's fault.
When my sister told, she asked my mom to get therapy to deal with this and the abuse from her marriage. Our mom also grew up in an abusive home. Mom still carries a lot of resentment and low self esteem, and it comes out in unhealthy and passive aggressive ways. This causes tension in the family. Now that the sexual abuse has come out, it is a good time for everyone to deal with the damage from the other abuse too. I also highly suspect my youngest sister was molested by that cousin as well.
I've spent many years working on self awareness, and dealing with the anger and resentment so it doesn't hold me back in life. I've worked through a lot now (although self improvement is a life long jouney) and am quite a happy, successful person. I really want the same for everyone else.
I want to support my family and encourage them to seek help so we can heal and be closer. I also want to stop enabling by accepting excuses for not dealing with things and tolerating unhealthy behaviours. We all really love each other and I believe this is a step in the right direction but it's going to take a lot of time I imagine.
I guess what I am looking for is information on this specific type of sexual abuse and advice on helping myself and my family get through this. My whole family turns to me for support since I seem to have recovered the best, so I also need to look after my own mental health. Also, writing this and reading others' stories that have experienced abuse feels therapeutic.
Thank-you!
