The Beginning of the road...AGAIN

[jwfoster32]

Well, I had lunch with my ex yesterday.? We met at 1:00 and I didn't get back home until 4.? We talked about a lot of things, issues that had gone on in our relationship.? It was a good meeting.

I had been keeping a journal of types for the past couple of weeks.? I was hesitant, but I printed a copy and gave it to him to read.? He read it and had a great deal of feedback as well as some nice comments.? He said it was good to have that perspective, it shed a great deal of light on things, he also said "Some things I am in total agreement with but others kinda worry me to tell you the truth...like thinking that i am out enjoying myself and not thinking about you at all is so far from the truth.."

I don't know if I am grasping at straws, but I think there is hope?? Given this and other comments made.? He did express a need for some more time to think things through in his head.? Gradually work towards increasing our interactions.? Gradually....OY VEY!!? Yes, I know it really is for the best.? But I would so love it if he were to come to me and say Jeff, I so want to be back with you.? I need you.? If you are willing to put 110% back into it to ensure that you can manage your stress, anxiety andfeelings of jealousy...I am willing to give it another shot.

I think I encapsulated it well when he asked..."What could have changed so dramatically over a couple of weeks time?"? I replied; "I had a 'kick in the head' with reality.? The fact that I fully understaood what I had lost and why.? The fact that I am willng and am in the process of altering how I deal with my issues, was enough evidence to myself that I needed a remake of life."

I love this guy so much.? He is such a wonderful person.? I screwed it up with my own crap, creating confrontation, getting upset because I wassn't the center of attention at all times.? Getting annoyed because he needed his time.? How frigging selfish.? Don't get me wrong, he's no saint...he has his issues too.? But the way I was dealing with mine and the coupling that with my annoyance of his...was just WRONG.?

I am hoping....praying that withsome time, he will come back to me.? He expressed concern that I almost seemed as though I wanted the relationship just to be in a relationship.? It's not that at all.? I am FINE alone, I have done it for many years.? The fact is, I found a guy I love, I found a guy I want to be with and know I can be happy with.? I don't want to just walk away from it.? I have done that too many times in the past.

jeff

 

[David Baxter PhD]

Just remember one very important thing: You are looking at changes you need to make and trying to make those changes for YOU, not for anyone else. To the extent that you are successful, it may help with this relationship - it will certainly help with any future relationships you may have and in other arenas of your life. But the reason you are doing it is for your personal self-growth and evolution.

Good luck.

 

[ThatLady]

It's good to hear you two were able to talk, hon. That's a start. Right now, a start is probably the most you should try and the best you can ask for. As long as you're talking, and sharing, you're growing...both of you.

David's right, though. You have to keep it foremost in your mind that you're making changes for YOURSELF. It's you who will benefit most from the work you do. It's you who will come out on top, not only in relationships, but in life itself.