David Baxter PhD
Late Founder
Do You Have the "I am a Fraud" Syndrome?
by Elisha Goldstein, Ph.D., MentalHelp.net
Dec 15th 2009
Joe was a successful business guy climbing up the corporate ladder and receiving accolades from his colleagues for all the good work he has done. On the outside, Joe was seen as the golden boy. However, on the inside, Joe had this sinking feeling that he didn't deserve the accolades and was fooling everyone around him. There was a voice inside Joe's head that told him he was unworthy and this fa?ade could come crashing down anytime as soon as they all discover it. Sound familiar?
Joe suffers from the "I am a fraud" syndrome. This one hasn't made it into the Diagnostic Statistical Manual (DSM) yet, but it's real and widespread.
What is it about so many of us that allows for the feeling of unworthiness and shame?
In her audio book Radical Self-Acceptance, Tara Brach says many of us are in "a trance of unworthiness".
Let's consider for a moment that all of us are made up of multiple personalities or personas. One way to understand this is to see how your personality changes when at work versus at home with your partner versus with your parents and/or other family.
These personalities are all sitting around a round table in your head. We'll call them "the committee."
There is one wounded person in the committee that is a part of you, who stands for the feelings of shame. The other's in the committee see this one as a "weak link" and try as best they can to suppress the feeling and judge it to get it away. The only problem is that there are no doors to the committee room and so they're all stuck in there together. The more they suppress and judge, the worse the shame gets and they all are exposed to it.
We might hold the logic that if we are to be a healthy whole person; everyone in the committee needs to feel accepted. They all want to feel understood and loved, including the one that feels shame and the one's that fear the shame.
So, when you notice the "I am a fraud" syndrome arising, it might be a good idea to shift your perspective for a moment and notice that there is a part of you that is feeling vulnerable.
Can you identify that part of you in the committee? What does that part of you need? Often times it needs to be understood and cared for. Paying attention to it, without judgment, or with mindfulness is a good first step.
In other words, we're shifting our relationship to it, from seeing it as a threat, to a part of ourselves that needs healing. This is something to continue to practice over and over again and will lead to greater calm, ease and a sense of harmony within you.
Elisha Goldstein, Ph.D. is a Clinical Psychologist and conducts a private practice in West Los Angeles. He is co-author of A Mindfulness-Based Stress Reduction Workbook (New Harbinger, February 2010). Check out Dr. Goldstein's acclaimed CD's on Mindful Solutions for Stress, Anxiety, and Depression; Mindful Solutions for Addiction and Relapse Prevention; and Mindful Solutions for Success and Stress Reduction at Work. If you're wanting an interactive program to find relief from anxiety and stress, check out Dr. Goldstein's progressive online behavioral change program in Aliveworld. If you're wanting to integrate more mindfulness into your daily life, sign up for his Mindful Living Twitter Feed. Dr. Goldstein is also available for private psychotherapy.
by Elisha Goldstein, Ph.D., MentalHelp.net
Dec 15th 2009
Joe was a successful business guy climbing up the corporate ladder and receiving accolades from his colleagues for all the good work he has done. On the outside, Joe was seen as the golden boy. However, on the inside, Joe had this sinking feeling that he didn't deserve the accolades and was fooling everyone around him. There was a voice inside Joe's head that told him he was unworthy and this fa?ade could come crashing down anytime as soon as they all discover it. Sound familiar?
Joe suffers from the "I am a fraud" syndrome. This one hasn't made it into the Diagnostic Statistical Manual (DSM) yet, but it's real and widespread.
What is it about so many of us that allows for the feeling of unworthiness and shame?
In her audio book Radical Self-Acceptance, Tara Brach says many of us are in "a trance of unworthiness".
Let's consider for a moment that all of us are made up of multiple personalities or personas. One way to understand this is to see how your personality changes when at work versus at home with your partner versus with your parents and/or other family.
These personalities are all sitting around a round table in your head. We'll call them "the committee."
There is one wounded person in the committee that is a part of you, who stands for the feelings of shame. The other's in the committee see this one as a "weak link" and try as best they can to suppress the feeling and judge it to get it away. The only problem is that there are no doors to the committee room and so they're all stuck in there together. The more they suppress and judge, the worse the shame gets and they all are exposed to it.
We might hold the logic that if we are to be a healthy whole person; everyone in the committee needs to feel accepted. They all want to feel understood and loved, including the one that feels shame and the one's that fear the shame.
So, when you notice the "I am a fraud" syndrome arising, it might be a good idea to shift your perspective for a moment and notice that there is a part of you that is feeling vulnerable.
Can you identify that part of you in the committee? What does that part of you need? Often times it needs to be understood and cared for. Paying attention to it, without judgment, or with mindfulness is a good first step.
In other words, we're shifting our relationship to it, from seeing it as a threat, to a part of ourselves that needs healing. This is something to continue to practice over and over again and will lead to greater calm, ease and a sense of harmony within you.
Elisha Goldstein, Ph.D. is a Clinical Psychologist and conducts a private practice in West Los Angeles. He is co-author of A Mindfulness-Based Stress Reduction Workbook (New Harbinger, February 2010). Check out Dr. Goldstein's acclaimed CD's on Mindful Solutions for Stress, Anxiety, and Depression; Mindful Solutions for Addiction and Relapse Prevention; and Mindful Solutions for Success and Stress Reduction at Work. If you're wanting an interactive program to find relief from anxiety and stress, check out Dr. Goldstein's progressive online behavioral change program in Aliveworld. If you're wanting to integrate more mindfulness into your daily life, sign up for his Mindful Living Twitter Feed. Dr. Goldstein is also available for private psychotherapy.
