Tick Tock, Where's my biological clock?

[Andy]

I was on the phone with a friend today and she was telling me that she really wanted to have a baby. In fact my friends (group of close friends) that have not had children yet, all really want to have children and feel that their "clocks are ticking". I think that is great, they would all be great mothers.

I wonder why it is that some women don't have that at all? Like myself. This may be a daft question, but is it physiological at all or is it mostly mental, like a mindset? If it's a mindset then does than mean men can have that sort of yearning as well? Ha ha. I'm sorry if this is stuff that was taught in health class in middle school. If I remember correctly, I skipped that day.

I have been told I would be a good mother as I am good with kids. I think I am good with kids to, other peoples kids. My friend today said "You should have a baby!" I really think my friend is crazy (in the fun, loving sense of the word). I have many reasons why that will not ever happen. Anyway, that bothered me because she had said it basically in a "we can both have one" and "you won't be by yourself" context. Geeez. What fabulous reasons to bring a child into the world! OK! Let's get to it...oh yeah the whole boyfriend thing...damn.

I also could go on about how women who aren't having children or men for that matter or even women/men who haven't had them within a certain time frame, seem to get snubbed by society in a way. Not shunned lol but there is a bit of a different treatment in my opinion.

Does anyone know what I mean about the "biological clock", or have opinions on it, or on the pressure to have kids or the pressure of not fitting in if you don't? lol I skipped English class that day as well.

 

[Banned]

Hey STP,

I'm 35 and my biological clock is quickly running out of ticks and tocks. I can't remember a day in my life where I actually wanted kids. I just dont' have it in me. I know I'm too selfish to be able to give up my life to raise a kid. I've never even been in a serious relationship. I don't have a speck of maternal instinct in me. I know my reasons for not having kids, but I often wonder what other peoples' are.

I'm at the age where so many of my friends are having kids, and it does change our relationship. They have a new priority and can't go out as much as they used to, and have to constantly consider the baby. I think it's great that they can do that. I couldn't. Again - too selfish and zero maternal instinct.

I often think of people like Andrea Yates and Susan Smith - people who have committed infanticide or homicide against their children. In a really bizarre way, a part of me understands why they did what they did. I don't pass judgment on them or think horribly of them. I actually have a lot of compassion for them because I really believe I'd be capable of the same.

I know for me personally, with my mental health, I do not have the capability of being a good mother. Even when my nieces were young, I didn't trust myself to be alone with them, because of thoughts I'd have of harming them.

I don't think any woman should be pressured to have babies. Just because we can, doesn't mean we should. I know lots of people who didn't marry or have children and are perfectly content. Not everyone is meant to be a parent. I think it takes a really special person to be a parent. I'm not that person, but I don't think any less of myself.

I remember one day my mom told me I should just "be normal" and get married and have kids. That really hurt, although she didn't intend it to. It was said before my diagnoses and my problems really came to the forefront, but it still hurt. She implied that if I did anything different than get married and have kids, I wasn't normal. I didn't think that was a fair statement, but didn't have the guts to tell her so.

Wow...I really went off here! I don't even know if anything I've written is remotely close to your original question, but regardless, you have my thoughts on the matter .

 

[Andy]

Thanks for your comment Turtle.

...Just because we can, doesn't mean we should.

Exactly Turtle! I always think of that Seinfeld episode. "You have to see the baaaaaby." Where Elaine and Jerry are trying to avoid seeing a friends baby, but inevitably get suckered into it.

This isn't something that really stresses me out. I was just wondering why some people have this major need to have children and some don't. The clock, not the dream to have a family, that clock! Or is that clock just a combination of panic and wanting to have a family of their own? I don't know I ask a lot of really dumb questions.

lol I read my "snubbed by society" comment down there, totally the wrong choice of words because I thought about that and basically it's just that people with children want to hang around with people with the same interests and visa versa. I guess I meant because more people choose to have children than not, I feel like I don't fit into society so therefore feel snubbed. lol

Ok. I'm done babbling.

 

[forgetmenot]

I think now a days there is less pressure to get married to have children as there was in the older days. Today people are more excepting of the independent women the working class women who chooses her career over a family. I don't think all people want children and that is good if they can see what their choices are and go with it. My sister always says she is glad she didn't have children she is glad she is single because she has the freedom to do as she wants with no ties.

 

[Banned]

That's another thing that's important for me as well, which is freedom to do what I want when I want. The only ones that tie me down are the dogs and even at that that's really easy to deal with. My friends tell me everything they go through to get their baby ready to go somewhere and it just boggles my mind. I like my freedom. I wouldn't give it up. Not even for a kid.

 

[David Baxter PhD]

My sister always says she is glad she didn't have children she is glad she is single because she has the freedom to do as she wants with no ties.

I never liked wearing ties either.

 

[Banned]

I never liked wearing ties either.

:smack:

 

[Andy]

Well, everybody has there reasons for having or not having kids I guess, whether it be wanting a family, freedom from a family or of course dressing them in ties...or not. I think I am just going to go with the biological clock being just a desire to have a family and nothing really physical. That works. Now, I can stop my search for a good Clockmaker.

 

[Meg]

I think I need a t-shirt to wear to church that says "Please assume I am not pregnant until informed otherwise."

 

[Marcel]

I don't have a speck of maternal instinct in me.

Hi Turtle - I would have to respectfully disagree - I think looking after dogs (or any other living creature) takes maternal instinct.

 

[Banned]

That's an interesting thought, Buffy. I'll give it some more thought and maybe respond further later. Right now, I'm on my way out the door to look after 50 crazy, barking dogs.