Triggers

[AllyCat]

Hi Everyone,

Sorry, I know haven't posted in a while or interacted much but I've browsed occasionally. Anyway I got a question, I stopped therapy about 18 months ago, so I don't have anyone to ask.

A bit of background: I was physically, sexually and psychologically abused throughout my childhood. Ever since I was given a chance (about 16) I have done martial arts on and off, I am now 28.

I started a new martial art about 18 months ago and the other day, while trying to get out of an arm hold, I sort of had a small breakdown. I started crying and hyperventilating uncontrollably. I could feel old feelings resurfacing but I couldn't put any one memory to it.

Something similar happened about 4 years ago while I was sparring which actually caused me to leave that martial art altogether.

My question is, don't triggers trigger specific memories? Will this keep happening or will I someday be able to do sparring without there being a trigger? It was very embarrassing and unpleasant so I obviously want to avoid it happening again, but how do I do that when it just pops up?

Will I ever be able to defend myself or will my past feelings prevent me from doing so? How do I stop them?

Anyway, these are mainly just musing questions that don't really have an answer but I thought I'd post them anyway.

Thanks for reading.

 

[David Baxter PhD]

I started a new martial art about 18 months ago and the other day, while trying to get out of an arm hold, I sort of had a small breakdown. I started crying and hyperventilating uncontrollably. I could feel old feelings resurfacing but I couldn't put any one memory to it.

Something similar happened about 4 years ago while I was sparring which actually caused me to leave that martial art altogether.

My question is, don't triggers trigger specific memories?

Not necessarily, no. What they tend to do is elicit specific feelings or emotional reactions, but not necessarily specific memories.

Will this keep happening or will I someday be able to do sparring without there being a trigger? It was very embarrassing and unpleasant so I obviously want to avoid it happening again, but how do I do that when it just pops up?

Will I ever be able to defend myself or will my past feelings prevent me from doing so? How do I stop them?

It sounds to me like there are still some things you need to work through. Perhaps it's time to return to therapy, either with your former therapist or with someone else.

 

[AllyCat]

Thanks, Dr Baxter.

It's good to know I'm not going crazy because I don't remember a memory.

I see your point about therapy, but I got so tired of talking and talking about problems and it kept them in my mind all the time, I felt like I needed to move on and get on with my life.

My martial arts instructor always talks about body memory, and in class the point is to try and get your body to remember the moves and not the mind. So how will therapy help my body to heal it's own memories. My mind can analyse it and break it down all it wants but at the end of the day if I need to defend myself and my body shuts down it doesn't help me.

If you know of any therapies that deal with the body rather than the mind it would be appreciated.

Thanks.

 

[David Baxter PhD]

Did your previous therapist specialize in childhood abuse and post-traumatic stress disorder? A competent therapist with training and experience in those areas should be able to help.

So-called "body memories" are simply well-rehearsed actions that have become almost automatic to the point where they do not require conscious evaluation. But ultimately all memories reside in the brain, even if they are not conscious memories. And what is learned can be unlearned.

 

[AllyCat]

Hi,
I've had about 4 therapists, but the last one seemed pretty competent, I got the furthest with her. She did not specialise in chilhood abuse or PTSD but here in South Africa there are not many that do, they are the broad kind.
I understand your point about the brain and you have given me food for thought about going back to therapy.
I am also going to carry on with martial arts and see if maybe if I do sparring long enough those feeling might stop overwhelming me. Sort of like exposure therapy. Anyway, thanks for the replies.