Unhealthy relationship?

[[talon]]

I'm 16. And I know this is gonna sound pretty immature.

I've been in a relationship with a guy for the past 5 months. Before I got into a relationship I was pretty independent. I didn't completely rely on anyone to make me happy or anything. When I met him, I was happy because I can tell that he cares about me and I guess that's why I'm so attracted to him. He makes me happy. But now all I do is depend on him and whenever he can't be with me I am totally stressed out. Like, I self abuse over it. I get horribly jealous over everyone that he is with that's not me, and I'm not usually the jealous type. It makes me so depressed because I don't want to be this person. I'm beginning to realize that I'm a pretty needy person. I feel like I can't live without him. I feel like it'd kill me to leave him. Like he's the only person that really cares about me.

I know this isn't at all good for me, but I can't see myself without him. My life wasn't very good before I met him. He is a person that makes me truly happy but can also make me incredibly sad.
He doesn't want me to leave him either.

I've told him all this but i guess he doesn't understand.
I really need advice.

 

[Retired]

Re: Unhealthy relationship ?

A relationship should be fulfilling for both parties, but at the same time each person must maintain their own identity, and independence of character.

Remaining independent does not contradict remaining committed or loyal to the other person, but do you feel that as you are just beginning exploring adult relationships that you want to be exclusively attached and fully committed to someone at this time?

The beauty of learning is the ability to explore different personalities, and determine what kind of person will help you grow to fulfill your full potential in life.

The way you describe your relationship with this person sounds like you are trapped and stifled, in which case your personal potential is threatened.

My life wasn't very good before I met him........he's the only person that really cares about me.

What was it about your situation that was not very good?

If you choose to remain exclusively committed to this person, there is little likelihood you will ever learn if there is someone else who can care for you.

Someone who truly cares for you will make sure you can grow and be all you can be. Someone who restricts your personal growth and achievements is manipulating you for their own benefit.

 

[Daniel E.]

Re: Unhealthy relationship ?

Before I got into a relationship I was pretty independent. I didn't completely rely on anyone to make me happy or anything...

I'm beginning to realize that I'm a pretty needy person. I feel like I can't live without him.

That likely has less to do with your personality and more to do with the obsessive nature of romantic love, e.g.

...You may have unwanted feelings of neediness only after a relationship has emerged. You can fight the idea that a particularly fraught relationship must work out.

http://forum.psychlinks.ca/relationships/18566-neanderthink-desperation-with-a-difference.html

And since this is your first (or one of your first) romantic relationships, so-called love sickness may be especially acute:

Falling in love is the most overwhelming of all affective states, it typically involves emotional, cognitive, behavioral and erotic components...

The process of romantic love in humans begins with falling in love, a subjective experience characterized by intense focused attention on a preferred individual, obsessive thinking about him or her, emotional dependency on and craving for emotional union with this beloved, euphoria and increased energy

Researchers think that falling in love is a basic emotion like anxiety or fear.

http://forum.psychlinks.ca/psycholo...6888-the-neurobiology-of-falling-in-love.html