Urgently Need Advice/Help

[Roy H.]

Hey all,

I am here once again, and I have been by a few times recently without checking in. I still find this forum to be really a blessing and without it I may not even be here. Who knows....


My life has taken a bit of a turn recently. I re-enrolled at college and I am now taking upper-level poli-sci and liberal arts courses, and I must say, my situation is not good right now. I am horrified to find that of the several classes I am attending this semester, they pretty much all revolve around in-class discussion, which, in turn, means the teacher expects you to speak on the drop of a dime in front of 30 people.

This isn't good. This is really really bad, and the first several classes I resorted to my old habit of carrying liquor with me to combat this horror I feel I am barely able to confront, again. One class two of my classmates in jest pointed out they smelt liquor on me. I went the last class without any and this class is essentially in round-table format, whereas the teacher goes around the class asking about assignments and the like - you are essentially to give a small speach to summarize your assignment.

It has been like hell on earth as I wait for the discussion to reach me - in this class, in addition to the others - only to find my heart racing, that my mouth is so dry I cannot even muster the words, and the ensuing, clear discomfort that resonates throughout the classroom; just faces of disgust and the quiet that follows. I do not want to put these individuals through such a sickening display. I do not want to put myself through such disgust. This is truly a bad time in my life. Suicide is on my mind again. I am just so disgusted in myself.

I am in dire need of advice on this matter and any that anyone here could give me I would be so greatful for.

Regards, all your souls are in my thoughts.

PS: I have talked to a doctor recently (a month ago) and I am now taking Gabapentin and Citalopram to combat this madness. Yes, I know I made a mistake to mix the alcohol with those meds on those occasions, but I was irrational, and overcome by fear.

 

[Daniel E.]

I think if you just keep on going to class, you will become habituated to it. In the interim, I would suggest exercising before class. At least for me, that would make it harder to feel anxious later on.

In any case, I would strongly suggest seeing a therapist in private practice or a mental health counselor at the college.

If the add/drop period is still going on, then I guess you are considering dropping the course, but I don't know if that would be a good idea. Otherwise, you may be eligible to withdraw from the course later on if necessary for medical reasons, receiving possibly a partial or full refund of the tuition.

you are essentially to give a small speach to summarize your assignment.

Yes, I have been in such seminar courses before. Are you able to vocalize at least a few sentences? How much time do you spend preparing for the small speech? Would it help if you had a prepared statement or notes to rely on?

Regarding dry mouth from anxiety, it could only help if you are allowed to suck on a piece of candy or bring a bottle of water. I have done both when taking tests since I would get dry mouth from test anxiety.

 

[Roy H.]

Yes, I have been in such seminar courses before. Are you able to vocalize at least a few sentences? How much time do you spend preparing for the small speech? Would it help if you had a prepared statement or notes to rely on?

Regarding dry mouth from anxiety, it could only help if you are allowed to suck on a piece of candy or bring a bottle of water. I have done both when taking tests since I would get dry mouth from test anxiety.

It's more than that. It's like you can hear the trembling in my voice; it gets real scratchy, dry and shaky. I get choked up, almost like I wanna leave the room. My heart races and my hands get sweaty.

It's not even a real big deal, what the teacher expects - such as occupational interviews and doing a brief recap of what it was we did - but I still can't rise to the occasion. It's crippling, is how I would define the feeling that comes over me in these experiences.

 

[Daniel E.]

Perhaps it would help to simulate the situation beforehand, ideally with a friend or in therapy as a way to help prepare. The classroom is ordinarily a very predictable environment, so one tip I read for my test anxiety was to just spend time in the classroom beforehand taking a practice test as a way to habituate oneself and even to help remember the material better. Since the majority of your anxiety seems to concern the presence of other students, I would think chatting to students before or after class would help as would talking to the professor during office hours. Perhaps another way to partially simulate the situation would be spending a lot of study time in the same empty classroom or, at home, to go over the material verbally with a friend/roommate/family member and even simulate what you would do if you felt very anxious.

 

[Roy H.]

Those sound like good ideas, but I still think I'm on the verge of a nervous breakdown. God forbid that happens I don't know what I will do.

 

[Banned]

Have you considered Toastmasters? They are an organization that helps peopel such as yourself develop public speaking skills. I have heard wonderful things about them. The nice thing as well is that everyone in the room is in the same position as you - terrified to speak - that's why they are there, so you have very understanding company.

 

[Daniel E.]

I think Toastmasters is a great idea, too.

but I still think I'm on the verge of a nervous breakdown.

I think just making an appointment with a therapist can provide some relief.

 

[Lana]

Hi Roy;

Have you considered speaking with your Professor about this? Sometimes, faculties have methods or tools to help students with certain problems. It may be that he or she will ask you to speak to someone, or they may work with you one on one, or they may offer you methods that help ease your anxiety. In any case, they're not insensitive and if you're open and honest with them, they'll probably be able to help you out.

 

[Daniel E.]

And I think speaking to the professor -- not only about your issues in class but just talking about anything, even the weather -- could only help. So I would take advantage of the professor's office hours.

 

[white page]

Hi Roy H.

Talking about your distress here , is so courageous , I agree with everyone else
in relation to speaking to your professer and being very honest about your difficulty in speaking in public , many many experienced actors have exactly the same symptoms before preforming on stage , when the throat tightens up and nothing seems to function vocally. stage fright. !
Finding a coach to help you find coping techniques is also an option ,
I would just like to add that though, you say feel disgust at yourself , please do not , you have a difficulty which is not the essential you , if you had diabetes you would not feel disgust ,please, please be kinder to yourself .

take care , and best wishes white page:support:

 

[Roy H.]

My computer has been acting funny lately, so I couldn't multi-quote. But I'll try to address all the kind words in this post.

I have heard of Toastmasters. My mother actually attended there before. It's funny because I was actually going to ask her about it over the weekend but she went out of town. I will ask her when she comes back, if it had a lasting effect on her.

Talking to my Prf. was another thing I was meaning to do. I actually approached one of them to inquire about the sort of speaking activities and she kind of downplayed it. I don't know if she realizes how dire I feel my situation is and how distractful I feel I am to the healthy vibe of the class, but I feel if there is any way I will make it through this semester is to approach her again.

Also, it's funny that some brought it up, but I actually did contact student services about this and I have talked to someone. I talk to them again on monday to tell them my status. It's just incredible. I can't believe one of the most simple things to do and I feel paralized when it comes to it.

 

[Daniel E.]

BTW:

Speech Anxiety and the Illusion of Transparency | Psychology Today Blogs