What if...

[Ashley-Kate]

hey,

ok i have tried to be the tough girl and well lets face it it isn't working out for me

i came home for the week-end and sort of kept the whole fact that i am going to have to get a scan done in the coming month from everyone. i didn't even tell my mom and i am freaking out. i am trying to console myself with the fact that it is probably nothing yet deep down i feel like there is something about this that may not just be nothing a sort of funny feeling that everything that has been happening actually has a reason and is not all coincidental, like for example cutting my hand accidentally while doing the dishes (i held a glass too tight and didn't realize it), dropping the kettle of boiling water on my hand in the last month. i have been "not sick" for maybe 1 week, as in staying in bed and not moving because my head hurt, and in me i have always felt that maybe it isn't just the anorexia that is causing this, yet everyone always pushed any possibility a side because of the anorexia.. what if the reason i am so clumsy i have no balance is not because of the anorexia but because of something else, something truly physical and not mental? and the worst thing is i have always felt like i didn't fit in the anorexia criteria what if my anorexia is because of something wrong in my head?

okay i am making a huge "maybe" list but what if... i am scared because for so long i have believed there was something else i have had a strong feeling about another reason and here this scan may prove that... and if it does than what if it is really serious?

 

[David Baxter PhD]

Well, first, I don't think there's any doubt that you have an eating disorder, Ashley, and I highly doubt that anything in the scan is going to change that.

Second, it's normal to be anxious or worried about medical tests but, yes, you are creating a very long list of "maybe's" there, and that's probably only feeding into your anxiety about the tests. Try to distract yourself with fun stuff or physical activities while you're waiting...

 

[Ashley-Kate]

thank you for helping me come to my senses i guess i was looking for an easy fix a reason that i am the way i am i don't really deny the eating disorder but maybe if there was this medical reason behind it i could have a pill or something like that and it would be solved. I am going to have to pass on the physical activity because that still remains on my psychologists list of things i can't do. i hope the hospital calls soon so i can get the tests done and over with i am so used to having bad news when i have tests done, not that i have had big tests done in my life the biggest was an x-ray when i broke my wrist or when I had pneumonia, and then the occasional labs that resulted in proof of my anorexia by the deficiencies in vitamins and electrolytes.. so i guess i am scared because i am used to getting bad news from tests...

 

[David Baxter PhD]

See http://forum.psychlinks.ca/cbt-cogn...y/1451-the-ten-forms-of-twisted-thinking.html, Ashley...

I believe that qualifies as Fortunetelling and perhaps one or two others.

 

[Jazzey]

Let us know how it goes Ash. And yes, try not to think ahead...it only serves to make us nervous.. :hug:

 

[Ashley-Kate]

i spoke to my mom finally today and informed her of the test i kept the hole being nervous to myself hoping that her reaction would help me calm down wich it did do, she was very calm and told me it could be nothing and that migraines are very frequent in our familly but that it is good that they are being safe and making sure it is nothing else. she asked me if i wanted her there for the appointment when it caim and well now that i am calmer i think i will be okay but she said if i need her she will be there and when i get the news of the results if i want her there she will be as well so i am much calmer with the support of my mother now!
thanks

 

[Jazzey]

I'm happy to hear that Ash. I've been a migraine sufferer for a number of years (with several cat scans and emergency room visits for the meds) - and sometimes, all you need to calm down is that friendly face...I'm really happy that you told your mom Ash (& the cat scans always came out fine).

 

[Into The Light]

i am glad you spoke to your mom. it helps having that support! hang in there :goodjob:

 

[Cat Dancer]

Ashley, I'm really glad that talking to your mom about it helped you feel better. That's really good.