So I have spent this holiday weekend trying to 'diagnosis' my mother. I know that a diagnosis is not necessary...I just want someone to tell me what is wrong...or that it is wrong and I am not crazy.
After reading countless websites, I think my mother may be a narcissist (sp)? This term is the closest that I can find to describe her. Her behavior is absolutely unbelievable and I am tired of trying to explain her to my husband, children, friends and especially myself. I don't even know where to begin.
My sister, who only comes home once a year for three days on Thanksgiving, drives nine hours to get here with a severly disabled child. She called our mother to invite her to a restaurant for dinner. After hum-hawing around on the telephone because we were eating too late at 6:00, she decided she would grace us with her appearance. We pick her up (she doesn't drive)we stand at her doorstep in pouring rain waiting for her to answer, and when she does she has her coat on, doesn't speak to anyone and gets in the car like she is totally disgusted. No hug, hello, how are you, haven't seen you for awhile...nothing. At the restaurant more of the same, but does keep reminding my husband that his mother is sick and not doing well. Very weird conversation and lack of conversation to say the least. Later, she pulls my husband aside and tells him that she doesn't want to say anything in front of me, her daughter, but he needs to visit his mother more often...like I prevent him from doing so!! He just visited her the week before! And mind you, she hasn't seen her daughter for a year and barely speaks to her and her other children have nothing to do with her.
On Thanksgiving day, she calls and informs us that she will not be attending because we are eating too late...dinner was at 3:00 this time. She would like to speak to my sister though (who locked herself in the bathroom and refused to take the phone) because you never know if this will be the last time she gets to talk to her. I think she thought someone would beg her to come...and they didn't. Honestly, I was glad she did not attend. She has in the past and she does nothing but criticize everything and everyone while she is there and for weeks afterwards. She is the most self-absorbed person I know. She has no interest in her children, grandchildren or great-grandchildren and is constantly playing one off against the other. I have siblings that I have not seen in years and I blame her. She is a black hole. I have decided to remove myself and my family from her life. I would have done so sooner, except that I pity her and her pathetic existence. I learned years ago she is incapable of love or emphathy and I have never felt we had a normal mother daughter relationship. Her idea of a relationship is getting people to do for her what she needs or wants.
I know this is a disjointed rant...and I apologize. Can anyone relate to my situation? I am not looking for solutions or answers as I know I can not change her but only change how I react or interact with her. I would appreciate any feedback.
After reading countless websites, I think my mother may be a narcissist (sp)? This term is the closest that I can find to describe her. Her behavior is absolutely unbelievable and I am tired of trying to explain her to my husband, children, friends and especially myself. I don't even know where to begin.
My sister, who only comes home once a year for three days on Thanksgiving, drives nine hours to get here with a severly disabled child. She called our mother to invite her to a restaurant for dinner. After hum-hawing around on the telephone because we were eating too late at 6:00, she decided she would grace us with her appearance. We pick her up (she doesn't drive)we stand at her doorstep in pouring rain waiting for her to answer, and when she does she has her coat on, doesn't speak to anyone and gets in the car like she is totally disgusted. No hug, hello, how are you, haven't seen you for awhile...nothing. At the restaurant more of the same, but does keep reminding my husband that his mother is sick and not doing well. Very weird conversation and lack of conversation to say the least. Later, she pulls my husband aside and tells him that she doesn't want to say anything in front of me, her daughter, but he needs to visit his mother more often...like I prevent him from doing so!! He just visited her the week before! And mind you, she hasn't seen her daughter for a year and barely speaks to her and her other children have nothing to do with her.
On Thanksgiving day, she calls and informs us that she will not be attending because we are eating too late...dinner was at 3:00 this time. She would like to speak to my sister though (who locked herself in the bathroom and refused to take the phone) because you never know if this will be the last time she gets to talk to her. I think she thought someone would beg her to come...and they didn't. Honestly, I was glad she did not attend. She has in the past and she does nothing but criticize everything and everyone while she is there and for weeks afterwards. She is the most self-absorbed person I know. She has no interest in her children, grandchildren or great-grandchildren and is constantly playing one off against the other. I have siblings that I have not seen in years and I blame her. She is a black hole. I have decided to remove myself and my family from her life. I would have done so sooner, except that I pity her and her pathetic existence. I learned years ago she is incapable of love or emphathy and I have never felt we had a normal mother daughter relationship. Her idea of a relationship is getting people to do for her what she needs or wants.
I know this is a disjointed rant...and I apologize. Can anyone relate to my situation? I am not looking for solutions or answers as I know I can not change her but only change how I react or interact with her. I would appreciate any feedback.
