What needs to be done

[adaptive1]

[FONT=verdana, geneva, lucida, lucida grande, arial, helvetica, sans-serif]Why is it so hard to do what needs to be done to be healthy and happy, and to do the right things that will contribute to that. Why is it easier to do what is self destructive and causes more pain?



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[Banned]

That's a good question, adaptive.

I think that continuing with self-destructive behaviours offers immediate reinforcement - it makes us feel good in the moment and let's face it, when we feel not so great, we want immediate gratification. I think that's part of it. I think, also, that it's easier to fall on to old, familiar habits, than to try and create new ones, even when we know the newer, healthier habits will be of greater benefit to us in the long term.

Also, creating newer habits requires effort and energy, and when we're depressed or anxious, we don't have a lot of energy.

I'm sure there are lots more reasons; I offer these from my own experience and I'm sure others will have some to share as well.

 

[rdw]

The self destructive habits are known and we are comfortable with them. Change is stressful- even good change - and we are all afraid of change. And maybe sometimes we don't think we deserve to be happy.

 

[adaptive1]

Yes I think you are both right. I feel like I have two sides. One side of me wants to do the things that will make my life better and more positive and rewarding. The other side seeks out the negative things that just take me further down a negative path because the first road is uncertain and difficult. The more I go down the second path the further back it seems to the first choice.

 

[betterorworse]

I think that people like us tend to do ourselves two main injustices. We view things in black and white or extremes and everything is colored through a prism of our disorder's diagnosis.

Consider how many heavy drinkers and smokers there are in the world. Millions? Is this self destructive behavior? Yes. Are these people mentally ill, mostly not. Why should we expect to behave better than the norm? Why can't we accept that we can have healthy goals but we will not be able to be consistent with them, nobody is. (I'm telling myself this along with writing it on here.)

I can improve in one area, then something else falls by the wayside. I could drive myself nutsier...mg:

 

[adaptive1]

That's a very good point you made and very helpful, thanks

Yes, lots of black and white all or nothing thinking on my part for sure.

 

[forgetmenot]

I think also in a way we would have to trust someone inorder to change to our new way of doing things we would need help

Myself i find it hard to trust what othrrs are saying even though i know what is good for me Uggg i am not making sense but to get well one has to reach out and get help sometimes and it is hard to accept help when one is used to taking care of themselves

We know what will make us well but so many msgs from past tell us that the newer thoughts are wrong

 

[H011yHawkJ311yBean]

I know what you mean forgetmenot! I'm still trying to swing back to some kind of balance.... Used to trust too much/ignore trust because I was just desperate for someone to love me... Then I swung completely polar opposite and didn't trust anyone for the longest time... Now my pendulum is slowly swinging sort of closer to the middle... Have a few potential people who I'm sort of at slightly more than co-worker level (for example: one of them had me over for lunch and we are planning sometime soon to have a BBQ over at our house; we had a work event that we walked to and a couple of us walked together)...

As for the falling back on old habits? OH YEAH.... I can relate to that too... I fell back on comfort eating for a good year... Just finally starting to lose that weight... I've NEVER been this heavy... I know I shouldn't eat that junkfood at work but I did anyway... I know I shouldn't eat junkfood after supper but I did anyway... I know I shouldn't pig out on weekends, but I did...
Shouldn't = because it wasn't a healthy choice... Effects = accumulative; creeps up on you and BAM I'm feeling crappier because I look and feel like hell (to myself anyway)...

NOW I feel more confident and self-esteem is a little better... NOW I want to take care of myself better... I even walked for an hour to get home from work... I'm NOT eating junk at work or at night (compromise = popcorn which is less calories)... I'm eating better on weekends... Getting more exercise... My weight even dropped a bit... (I can see my toes in the shower now! lol How I missed my toes...)

But when my mood was low/anxiety high I would reach for the easy junkfood instead of making something healthy or withholding from it or exercising... 8P Because it was easier... D'oh... Not healthy.