David Baxter PhD
Late Founder
What To Do, Say When Colleague Loses Job
By SUSAN CAMPBELL, The Hartford Courant
December 15, 2008
A guy at a desk gets a call from HR. The guy leaves, and moments later a security guard shows up to retrieve his coat and suitcase.
The guy is gone, just like that.
And his colleagues ? survivors, at least for now ? are left wondering: What is the etiquette when a colleague gets laid off? What do you say? How do you say it?
When the person who is laid off is a colleague, you want to be supportive but not officious. The worst course is to stay silent, said Stuart Sidle, assistant professor and director of the University of New Haven's industrial psychology program.
"A lot of people don't know what to say because we don't want to embarrass people," Sidle said. "But then some people take it to the other extreme, and they say too much." Better to keep the "God closes a door and opens a window" comments to a minimum in the early stages. The sentiment might be true ? though the jury's still out ? but it's not especially helpful.
Compassion may be even more in demand in coming months.
In October, some 232,500 people filed new unemployment claims in the U.S., the highest October figure since 2001, according to the U.S. Bureau of Labor Statistics. The Northeast, says the bureau, was particularly hard hit. From the same source, the nation's unemployment rate hovers around 6.7 percent, and the list of affected companies grows longer every day.
Beyond the economic hardship a layoff brings, losing a job is challenging emotionally, said Sidle, because for many employees their jobs are their identity. "A lot of people, when they lose their jobs, lose part of their identity," he said.
Sidle, an expert on workplace psychology, suggests showing colleagues that they are remembered by baking a treat or mixing their favorite cocktail and dropping by. Or take a pizza. Don't put a colleague in the uncomfortable position of having to break their new (tighter) budget by going to a restaurant. Offer the foodstuffs, and then sit down and be quiet.
"We're all tempted to go right into giving advice," Sidle said. "But sometimes listening helps more." Besides, a long to-do list can be intimidating to someone already overwhelmed by an economic challenge like the unexpected loss of a job.
And sometimes advice is redundant; your colleague may already have a game plan, or he or she is working one out.
"I was tempted the other day to start helping somebody with a job search, but I realized after listening that they were sort of excited about having a month off to help their daughter with surgery," said Sidle. "If you go too quickly into giving people advice, they may feel like something's wrong with them. Listen now, and advise later."
That's for colleagues. Remind close friends or family members that they're more than their jobs. Help them review their skills, and how those skills might translate into a different job. And remember that what a person says one day may not reflect how they will feel the next.
Sidle calls the time immediately after bad news "shock and awe." That's not a good time to give advice. Remind your friend ? gently ? to take care of themselves. Inexpensive physical activities like long walks are a good way to stay sane, Sidle said.
Go on a walk together. Go fishing. Keep the spending to a minimum. Concentrate on providing companionship.
By SUSAN CAMPBELL, The Hartford Courant
December 15, 2008
A guy at a desk gets a call from HR. The guy leaves, and moments later a security guard shows up to retrieve his coat and suitcase.
The guy is gone, just like that.
And his colleagues ? survivors, at least for now ? are left wondering: What is the etiquette when a colleague gets laid off? What do you say? How do you say it?
When the person who is laid off is a colleague, you want to be supportive but not officious. The worst course is to stay silent, said Stuart Sidle, assistant professor and director of the University of New Haven's industrial psychology program.
"A lot of people don't know what to say because we don't want to embarrass people," Sidle said. "But then some people take it to the other extreme, and they say too much." Better to keep the "God closes a door and opens a window" comments to a minimum in the early stages. The sentiment might be true ? though the jury's still out ? but it's not especially helpful.
Compassion may be even more in demand in coming months.
In October, some 232,500 people filed new unemployment claims in the U.S., the highest October figure since 2001, according to the U.S. Bureau of Labor Statistics. The Northeast, says the bureau, was particularly hard hit. From the same source, the nation's unemployment rate hovers around 6.7 percent, and the list of affected companies grows longer every day.
Beyond the economic hardship a layoff brings, losing a job is challenging emotionally, said Sidle, because for many employees their jobs are their identity. "A lot of people, when they lose their jobs, lose part of their identity," he said.
Sidle, an expert on workplace psychology, suggests showing colleagues that they are remembered by baking a treat or mixing their favorite cocktail and dropping by. Or take a pizza. Don't put a colleague in the uncomfortable position of having to break their new (tighter) budget by going to a restaurant. Offer the foodstuffs, and then sit down and be quiet.
"We're all tempted to go right into giving advice," Sidle said. "But sometimes listening helps more." Besides, a long to-do list can be intimidating to someone already overwhelmed by an economic challenge like the unexpected loss of a job.
And sometimes advice is redundant; your colleague may already have a game plan, or he or she is working one out.
"I was tempted the other day to start helping somebody with a job search, but I realized after listening that they were sort of excited about having a month off to help their daughter with surgery," said Sidle. "If you go too quickly into giving people advice, they may feel like something's wrong with them. Listen now, and advise later."
That's for colleagues. Remind close friends or family members that they're more than their jobs. Help them review their skills, and how those skills might translate into a different job. And remember that what a person says one day may not reflect how they will feel the next.
Sidle calls the time immediately after bad news "shock and awe." That's not a good time to give advice. Remind your friend ? gently ? to take care of themselves. Inexpensive physical activities like long walks are a good way to stay sane, Sidle said.
Go on a walk together. Go fishing. Keep the spending to a minimum. Concentrate on providing companionship.
