When one cannot reach out

[forgetmenot]

tried so many times i tried i dialed phone number i dialed different ones but i hang up each time i hang up before it ring through i am too afraid of the voice on the other end

i am to ashamed to be calling someone for help i don't know how to reach out i don't know who to trust i am so lost in this pain triggers are always the same and god knows i have tried to fight them

i want to so badly hear a voice that understands but they don't understand how can they understand when you tell them the pain inside is not yours when you tell them you just need to hear a voice a real voice one that will ground me to where i am and who i am

i want to so badly somehow get out of this pain and i don't know how without the fear i just can't let the dam phone right through i am stuck inside my own head i am stuck inside with all her pain and i don't know how to get away i just don't know how to get away

only one way that keeps coming to me and that is to leave because there is no way to separate and i know this does not make any logic and i am sorry please

i want this to end so badly how do l leave how without harming them how. sorry i am so sorry i have fought this fight along time now i have i guess i am just so very overwhelmed with sadness and pain

 

[Retired]

Re: when one cannot reach out

i am to ashamed to be calling someone for help i don't know how to reach out

People who work on crisis lines volunteer for that kind of work because they genuinely are interested in helping people in crisis. They do not judge anyone, bur instead are trained to ask you the questions they need in order to point you in the right direction for the resources you might meed locally.

People who staff crisis lines, at least in Canada, and quite likely elsewhere, probably receive the ASIST comprehensive training course. They do not offer therapy, nor any medical advice, but instead they are trained to provide the equivalent of St. Johns Ambulance First Aid to people in crisis.

So, if you need immediate crisis support, go ahead and call your local crisis hotline. You will probably be asked some specific questions by a trained volunteer, who may, in all liklihood, have recovered from some crisis themselves. This may be their motivation to help others.

Answer the questions honestly and thoroughly, as this will provide the volunteer the information necessary to point you in the right direction.

Sometimes a crisis line can be busy, so if they have an answering machine, leave your number so they can call you back. Remember, these people are hard working volunteers, and sometimes the calls can be more than than the available people can answer at the moment.

 

[GDPR]

Re: when one cannot reach out

i want to so badly hear a voice that understands but they don't understand how can they understand when you tell them the pain inside is not yours

Sorry you're struggling forgetmenot. Maybe the most important thing right now is to get someone to understand that you are in need of help and don't worry so much about the specifics of what you're experiencing(?).

 

[Cat Dancer]

Re: when one cannot reach out

Please just call and reach out.

 

[GDPR]

Re: when one cannot reach out

Yes,please do,forgetmenot.

 

[forgetmenot]

Re: when one cannot reach out

I um called my twin i did not want to but she helped by calling someone i cannot go on i cannot call for myself i am too afraid of people

I will see my therapist on Thursday

i see a specialist on Tues for my physical pain

I am sorry but when i am triggered i become someone that is totally um useless to me

I fall apart want to hide and i don't know how to protect me from all the pain

Husband came home took me for a ride as well he got me away from my thoughts

my twin made a call for me i could not

i hate having to bring her back into the pain i am sorry i did that i promised her i would talk to my therapist Thursday about going somewhere away from living for awhile.

When i am triggered i am no one i am nothing i am oh god i am her again and i can't explain it it is insane i just feel all that pain all that fear all her sadness like it was just yesterday how the hell does one get out of that you can't without help and if i can't call anyone but i did call my twin i know she won't hurt me god but i don't want to hurt her by bring her back too.

sorry if i worried anyone i am ok now the crisis is over again i am ok i can breath now but i am so drained i wish i knew when these attacks were going to end i need them to end

thanks for reaching out to me

 

[MHealthJo]

You did so well hun. And don't forget, you have done a great deal for others in your family (and many more others too).

We can ask for help from others, without necessarily bringing them into the same pain.

The strength and support you have given to others over time, even from small everyday things, can come through back to us, without necessarily bringing pain to them.

Hugs xx

 

[adaptive1]

Re: when one cannot reach out

I hope you are feeling a little better today. It's horrible to feel that way and talking about it does help.

 

[forgetmenot]

i am better today thanks adaptive1.
trying to get some rest soon

So hard for me to reach out now to trust anyone but thanks for understanding and for caring

I hope with all these changes that are going to be i somehow can hold me together better then i did last night anyways

 

[GDPR]

Glad you're doing better today!

 

[eva]

It's good that you have self-awareness about what you're like and how you act when you become triggered. It's helpful to know that about yourself because it's information that you can use to get yourself back to calm and back to the "you" that you usually are or the "you" that you want to be.

Reaching out is scary sometimes because we don't know what to expect but you're taking the steps necessary to do that reaching, and I'm glad you've got people who can help you reach out.