Why do some people repress memories and others can't forget?

[Cat Dancer]

I wish I could forget. I don't want all this stuff in my head. So why are some people able to repress their memories and others can't?

 

[amastie]

Hi Cat Dancer,

if you have memories that are very paiful, whether or not you remember them, they affect you either way. If you don't remember them, they surace in patterns of thinking and behavour which seek to comfort you or somehow assuage the pain they caused. When you actually remember them, in a way you're in a better position to work through them. You need a good therapist to do that.

Good luck and take care,

amastie

 

[Into The Light]

i think that memories that are repressed are repressed because people aren't ready to deal with them. it's like a survival or defense mechanism.

 

[Halo]

:agree: :goodpost:

 

[Cat Dancer]

But why didn't I develop that defense mechanism? That's what I don't understand.

 

[Into The Light]

maybe there was never a chance to forget?

 

[Cat Dancer]

That makes sense.

 

[Lana]

One thing to remember is that repressed and forgotten are not the same. It may seem that repression is a blessing but it's not. Often, repressed issues bleed through the everyday life causing all sorts of issues and causing a great amount of distress to a person. That person is tourmented by side effects of their repression often wondering what is wrong with them, why it's happening, and make them feel like they're loosing their mind for no apparent reason.

When you do rememeber, the difficult part is to come to terms with it, in one way or another and put it behind you, or in some sort of context that helps ease the "wound". If that was repressed....the hard part would be to have to remember....accept it....and then deal with it and any side effects.

 

[amastie]

Lana, I agree.

Cat Dancer, if you continue to be very troubled by the memories, then you still deserve help to heal the wouns that are associated with them.

It's possible to remember something terrible but to have worked through the trauma of it. At least, there is that possibilty. Don't let the fact that you remember your memories make you think that you can't heal the impact they have on your life. Do you see a therapist. There are links in here to therapists but you could make enquiries in your local area too.

I wish you well :support:

amastie

 

[Into The Light]

lana is right. repressing them means they will still affect you. not repressing means you can work through them and heal from them.

hang in there cat dancer. :hug:

 

[Cat Dancer]

Thanks everyone. You all make sense to me. :hug:

amastie, I do have a therapist and we're working on the past stuff. I find myself really numb and detached from it, but I think that's pretty common in therapy. It's hard to deal with painful things.

Thanks.

 

[Cat Dancer]

make them feel like they're loosing their mind for no apparent reason.

It's weird. I feel tormented and like I'm losing my mind too, but I guess at least I know why. But I still just wonder why some people repress memories and others don't. Is it the severity of the abuse? Or something else. Is it just the way a mind works?

 

[amastie]

Thanks everyone. You all make sense to me. :hug:

amastie, I do have a therapist and we're working on the past stuff. I find myself really numb and detached from it, but I think that's pretty common in therapy. It's hard to deal with painful things.

Thanks.

I'm glad that you are getting the help.
Yes, I understand about how hard.
My heart goes to you :support:
Take good care,
amastie

 

[Lana]

But I still just wonder why some people repress memories and others don't. Is it the severity of the abuse? Or something else. Is it just the way a mind works?

I believe it's exactly as ITL said earlier -- it's a coping mechanism that some fall into. I don't think it's a conscious thing people do and in some cases it's a form of disassociation.

Some believe that this disassociative type of repression is what causes (what we know as) multiple personalities and that to heal that, a person must become aware of that other personality, his or her thoughts and memories, and integrate it them into their conscious one. Not an easy feat.

It is easier to cope when you know what you're dealing with, CD, not in terms of "less paintful" or "more pleasant", but in terms that it gives you a target to work with. In cases of repression, there is no target...not until the person remembers and relives the events that caused the repression in the first place. If they do get to that point, they then have to come to terms that it happened before moving on to healing. It is a very long and painful process. If the person chooses not to do that, they remain tormented and in pain, for reasons unknown....so that can't be a "bliss" either.

P.S. I don't think anyone knows exactly why some people repress and others don't. Psychology is not an exact science and there are many unknowns. I think it's just how a person is wired and the trauma is what triggers such an effect. For example, there were cases when a person lost a loved one and develops a kind of amnesia because the memory of that person is very painful to them. So it's not always abuse, but it is usally very traumatic.

P.P.S. There is a movie "Angel Eyes" with Jennifer Lopez where one of the characters suffers from such a condition. So if you're bored and are in the mood, rent it out to get an idea.