Older Adults Becoming Victims of Fraud

[amazingmouse]

My estranged mother became a victim of financial fraud and lost all her money in a day... not fun...we are talking all her retirement savings. What kind of a person can do that? It is a terrible deed, not that I will be involved, but I just thought it was worth mentioning that people should be extra careful with their finances, even with things like financial institution's names and not give such information to anybody, including friends and acquaintances. The world is becoming a dangerous place.
The worst is that we can not rely on her for anything and now have to look into retirement homes, for which we have to support her, as she has nothing left.
I have made phone calls and told people in her area details of the fraud, so that they can protect themselves. It was done so that the police could do nothing about it.

Protect yourself from fraud | Action Fraud

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It is a very difficult situation, especially given that she had denied any help from me to prevent such things from happening. Hard to help someone who doesn't want your advice, but at the same time doesn't mind your money. She had always lost money in one way or another for as long as I can remember her. It had made me almost paranoid with my personal finances.

 

[MHealthJo]

Re: Older Adults Becoming Victim of Fraud

Gosh, how stressful.

 

[Retired]

It was done so that the police could do nothing about it.

It sounds like she gave power of attorney to the fraudster, is that right?

Many of these situations can be prevented by having the right legal documents, executed in the presence of a legal professional, in place way ahead of time, especially when a aging person is becoming unable to manage their affairs independently.

Have you consulted a lawyer to assess your legal options, apart from what the police have told you?

As you alluded to, today's world is a very dangerous place with identity theft and financial fraud lurking around just about every corner. In many cases, people are their own worst enemies by using weak passwords, like "123" or "passw0rd" much like leaving your cash in the breadbox or under a mattress, under the false impression that crooks would never look there.

Truly the most ruthless is the fraudster that convinces a vulnerable person to provide them access to their bank account, credit card etc for their convenience.

The other kind of vulnerable victim is the denier, a person who refuses to accept the reality of today's best information. Similar complacency could include justifying smoking, refusal to get flu shots, not washing hands after bathroom and carelessness with finances.

Banks, government agencies and all kinds of public service announcements inform us about the tactics used by fraudsters, including searching through one's trash for documents that contain bits of information, like a complete address, a middle name, a Social Security Number, date of birth etc.

In today's internet, there is so much information that can be gleaned about most people that a skilled fraudster can assemble a profile of a victim in a relatively short time.

Then there are the telephone scams, the guy from Microsoft (India branch) informing you your computer is at risk..all you need to do is give him your credit card number and your computer will be fixed.

One of the most frequent breaches I hear about from fellow old fogeys is grandma's computer has been hijacked after the grandkids spent the weekend PLAYING with grandma's computer. Personally I have little sympathy for that situation, when otherwise sensible people who would not let a four year old drive their car down the highway, let the kids PLAY with their computer, which is used for banking, investments and other confidential transactions.

Old people victims of fraud? Sometimes a bit of common sense and vigilance might have avoided such a tragedy.

It sounds like your mother was unwilling to follow the guidance and advice of other family members for her own protection, right?

Does she have a living will? If she does not, this can be another source of difficulty for you in the future.

Consider seeking further legal advice to protect yourself against her indebtedness.

You may also be advised to look into purchasing a life insurance policy on her life to protect yourself against any remaining debts and her final expenses.

 

[amazingmouse]

Steve, thank you very much for taking the time to reply. You are giving really good advice in this post.

Unfortunately, she did not give a POA to the fraudster, what she did was much worse and quite shocking. I am angry and embarrassed to post the exact thing she did. She was told on the phone her money was hijacked from the bank she was keeping it in and that she had to withdraw all her money and leave it in front of her front door, so that the police could catch the hackers, who were going to get it from her bank. She left the equivalent of 30000CAD on the street in front of her door, as instructed by the fraudster on the phone and "waited" in her bathroom until the action is over, as she was told it was dangerous to stay close to the windows, because there might be shooting!

I still can't believe it. I did not suspect she was not capable of managing her finances. Very difficult time. I do not know if I should have posted the exact details of the fraud, but it is quite shocking that she left 30K on the street. And she is not that old - 66.

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I wanted to add that I always suspected she had an undiagnosed mental health condition. It is only getting worse with age. And I want to make a note, that not all people with mental health problems are incapable of managing their finances.

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And I tried to protect her both before and after this happened. I have family there who are doctors and were ready to send her a psychiatrist immediately to certify her as incompetent financially. The only mistake was that I shared this plan with my sister, who called my mother to let her know what evil I was. Then, my mother started blaming me that this was a sin to try to certify her as "crazy", that I was evil, that she would never want to see me again if I did this, that she preferred to die instead and so on.
So, I just pulled back and suggested a retirement home. It is a very dysfunctional family situation. I do not know how I grew up a "normal" person in this family. I sure suffered a lot over the years and witnessed a lack of mental health services in the European country I grew up. I hate to deal with anything connected to my old "home", but I can't just leave her like that.

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Do you think I went too far by suggesting to have a psychiatrist examine her and certify her as incompetent? I live in constant fear as to what will be the next bad thing that will happen to her.

 

[Retired]

This kind of crime is not that unusual at all, when a naive and often confused or lonely person is manipulated by a crafty fraudster. Most of us couldn't imagine agreeing to something as ludicrous as this, but from your description of a dysfunctional family situation, it seems your mother may have been targeted as being vulnerable by someone she came into contact with.

How are you doing after this tragedy? Is there any fallout that is adversely affecting your life?

Does your mother qualify for social assistance ?

 

[amazingmouse]

I suspect a 'friend" of her did it. There are no family members directly involved, she had always been on the poor side of the family anyway.
She does not qualify for any social assistance, thank you for suggesting.
I do not know how I am doing. I am supposed to help her out financially for the rest of her life and I am trying to get used to this thought. She never supported me since teenage hood and I did not feel that I owe her financial support.

I guess I sound selfish and I should not speak like that of her. I would love to help her. It is just out of my mind that anyone is capable of doing something like this. I have been blaming myself for not doing enough for her, but the truth is that I can not live with her and she does not let me be very involved with her life. It is more of a distant relationship and I am fine with it that way. When I was little, I was always afraid of her. Now, I simply think she is mentally ill.

 

[Retired]

I do not know how I am doing. I am supposed to help her out financially for the rest of her life and I am trying to get used to this thought. She never supported me since teenage hood and I did not feel that I owe her financial support.

This is a complicated situation that you will have to work out with your own family, taking into consideration your own needs, your own financial situation and that of other family members.

Arguments can be made on all sides of this issue.

You need to take care of yourself, first and foremost, and serve the needs of your own immediate family.

If there are other family members, it might be good to arrange a family conference to discuss how the family might come to the aid of your mother, and if a consensus is reached, and if a financial plan is agreed upon, it might be worthwhile getting some legal advice on how to implement the agreement, to which everyone would be a signatory.

Part of that agreement should include a life insurance policy, to which everyone contributes to the premium, to cover mother's final expenses and any outstanding indebtedness.

She does not qualify for any social assistance, thank you for suggesting.

If she lost all her money, has no income and is destitute, why does she not qualify for social assistance? Does she have other assets?

 

[amazingmouse]

I know, I know it is very complicated and it puts additional emotional and financial stress on me. I would have to work it out with my sister, who jumps at any opportunity to convince my mother that I am "evil". It is not the end of the world and we will come to a solution. She has a house that I think she might lose the way it is going. The fraudster keeps trying to contact her, which I found out recently.
She gets a low pension, but no other assistance. She does not live in North America and these are the laws in the country she lives in. Thanks for asking. It is complicated, and I have to make a trip to Europe, once I have a plan laid out and finally get over it. The emotional stress and worry is significant. I will be far more comfortable if she goes to live in a retirement home, where she would have some security and supervision.

 

[Retired]

The fraudster keeps trying to contact her, which I found out recently.

Can the police be informed to arrest this person? Can you get a restraining order against this person?

I will be far more comfortable if she goes to live in a retirement home, where she would have some security and supervision.

This sounds like the logical solution, since you cannot be there. Aside from the evil sister, are there other more reasonable and receptive family members? I believe you mentioned there are medical professionals in your family..is that correct? Are they in the same Country as your mother?

 

[amazingmouse]

Police was useless so far. And, my mother was terrible at following up with them. She had been instructed to not talk to the person that I suspect was involved. So far she seems to comply to this. There are 3 medical doctors in my family, who wanted to help by issuing her a certificate for being financially incompetent, but my sister got in the way and they could not do it. My plan is to move my mother to retirement home and convince her to sell the house, so that she doesn't lose everything. The doctors, her sister and 2 in-laws are in the same country, my sister isn't however, she lives in another EU country and she had been sabotaging our efforts to help, due to stupidity and other issues on her side. It was very unpleasant, that she actually called my mother to tell her that I was doing all this in order to get money from her house, which is not true, I am trying to protect her and I do not even want anything, just a piece of mind.

It is a terrible situation, thanks for your concern and advice, Steve.
I can't imagine what would be like for other people to deal with a mentally I'll or confused family member, who has no insight into her/his own actions.

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I am gathering strength to confront my sister, whose behaviour in this situation has been irrational and abusive towards me. I would try to negotiate something with her, but communicating with her is challenging at her best.

 

[Retired]

If you arrange a family meeting with all other members, including the medical people, wouldn't they out vote the bothersome sister? Perhaps even persuade her to change he behaviour?

 

[amazingmouse]

I will try. None of them is close enough to my mother or my sister. But, the idea to get some support sounds good.

 

[Retired]

Using today's telecommunication tools, people don't have to be in the same location to have a meeting. You can use email, Skype or even a telephone conference call, though Skype might be your best method.

A family concensus seems like what is needed here for the benefit of your mother and to protect your mother's interests from those who want to sabotage her well being.

 

[amazingmouse]

You know, Steve, I was planning exactly a Skype conference. It requires nothing other than installing the program, after all. My mother is refusing to use Internet (I know!), so it will be just a talk between my sister, me and whoever else is wiling to participate from the other relatives, but basically me and my sister are the only ones who will be supporting her financially if things get worse, the other relatives have no financial interest or rights, as we are her only children and my father is deceased. I will involve at least 1 more person to support me, so that my sister doesn't go wild on blaming me and abusing me unnecessarily. I might even ask my husband to participate, as he does not lack assertiveness at all.

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Sorry to bother you with these issues. I am developing Insomnia these days on top of already struggling with anxious moods the constant "worst case scenario" thoughts and some cold/flu symptoms. I just can't stop thinking in a "catastrophic" mode, which is somewhat justified, if you met my mother, but chances are, she actually sells her house and supports herself out of these money.


Growing up in a dysfunctional family, where I was the youngest and often verbally abused for it, without any right to an opinion was not easy and I still find it challenging to confront my mother or sister, who seem to be self-centred people with issues I never quite understood. I just want to get done with the situation and not think about them at all

 

[Retired]

Are you receiving any form of treatment or therapy for the issues you've described?

 

[amazingmouse]

I am quite functional without any therapy, these issues affect me only rarely. I have tried to received therapy in the past and I always fail it, due to being triggered by things and feeling that therapy sometimes makes my life worse. In fact, I become more irrational if I try to receive any therapy. I think I just have a weak character and I can accept this. Thanks for your advice. Bye for now.

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Well, I think you are right, any way. Being anxious doesn't feel good at all. I signed up for counselling. Thanks.

 

[MHealthJo]

One thing that may be helpful as you go through these difficult challenges Amazingmouse, including the really hard challenges that happen when we go through therapy, is validating yourself.

Through the day, say things to yourself like,

"This is really really hard, but I have support and I will get through this."

During the difficult challenges that happen as your difficult feelings process and flow out in between therapy sessions, other self-validating statements would be,

"This is normal."

"Therapy is very hard for everyone, not just me."

"This is nothing to do with a weak character on my part or anything like that. There is a great deal of buried emotion to be processed."

"Humans have many many difficult emotions, especially after very very hard experiences in life. That is normal, not weak."

"It is important to take times to cry and let emotions flow."

"Walking or exercise or a light physical activity can also help."

"Grief and hurt is important to be felt and acknowledged. This is normal and human. That way it can slowly flow through and feel more healed."

Let yourself feel the feelings Amazingmouse, they are acceptable and normal, not weak. That will let them gradually flow on and gradually start to heal.

Good wishes to you in your therapy journey and remember, it is hard. But worth it.

 

[amazingmouse]

Thank you. Really appreciate you took the time to reply.