17 and had miscarriage

[kelsischanging]

I'm not really sure what forum to put this in but since cutting is my one of my biggest issues and this event could and has triggered my cutting I guess I'll post this here..
I'm 17 and found out five months ago that I was pregnant....I was devastated as was my boyfriend, my parents, and his parents, but we pulled through and I was five months into my pregnancy... I was going to give my baby boy up for adoption and had started looking at potential families...anyway...today I found out that I had miscarried! Can I be honest?? I'm not sure how I feel about this...I mean I loved my baby with all of my heart...I didn't know you could love someone you have never met but i loved him...but on the other hand my life will start to return to what a normal teenage life should be...I'm not saying I wanted to miscarry but I"m not going to lie when I first found out that I was pregnant I prayed for it...now I feel soooo guilty....I feel like it's my fault...what if I did something wrong...the doctor said that it was nothing I did but what if it was me...I'm so confused...I have been cutting like crazy...I feel so conflicted....I feel so alone....I feel desperate...

 

[David Baxter PhD]

kels, what you are feeling is fairly normal with a miscarriage -- you are grieving the loss of a baby, even if it was unborn, and feeling guilty and worrying that you may have done something or failed to do something to cause the loss.

People often underestimate the grief that comes with a miscarriage, or feel that it's "silly" or something, but it isn't. It is a loss. And grief is a normal and ultimately healthy reaction to loss.

Try to remind yourself of what the doctor said: You did not do anything to cause the miscarriage. In all likelihood, the miscarriage occurred as a result of something not developing properly in the baby that would have meant it was impossible for him/her to survive. Pregnancy is a very complex process and there are a lot of things that can and do go wrong... things that have nothing to to with anything the mother does or does not do.

 

[kelsischanging]

thanks for the reply....getting through last night was defficult....but the morning was better....a little better...the hardest part was telling the couple that was going to adopt my baby...it was an open adoption so i have been working with them for about two months....that was hard but we are kinda supporting eachother....it's just so hard...i'm meeting w/ my therapist today so i hope that will help at least a little....thanks again for the reply

 

[David Baxter PhD]

Take care, kels... I'm glad you'll be seeing your therapist today. Be gentle with yourself over the next little while.

 

[ThatLady]

Take good care, kels, and be good to yourself, sweetie. This is nothing you did. It is simply a sad event. It's natural to feel down and alone after such a thing happens.

Hugs to you, hon.