• Quote of the Day
    "I was always looking outside myself for strength and confidence but it comes from within. It is there all the time."
    Anna Freud, posted by Daniel
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Hello,

These past 10 days have been horrible. I never thought something like this would happen I knew the risk but part of me felt safe. I was at just past 12 weeks we had heard the heart beat 2 weeks prior to this ultra sound and had saw the baby the monday at the ER and were told although the baby was small it was still alive but I was in a what they called at the time "threatened miscarriage." On friday the 28th we were informed that the baby had no longer any heartbeat. WE were told all the classic things that it wasn't my fault that I am 1 in 4 that, that there was nothing I could have done to prevent it. The dr. at the hospital that had informed us of this news and gave me my options pushed for a medical option rather than a surgical. Told us it would happen peacefully and painless because of the meds she gave me to control the pain. She lied, I ended up in the ER the next night needing pain meds plus and IV to hydrate me and eventually a blood transfusion because I was already anemic prior to the miscarriage. After spending a couple days in hospital I have been home for just over a week. I had to ask my psychiatrist to give me more time off because the initial dr. felt that a week was sufficient. I know i sound very resentful towards the dr, and I know i am probably misplacing my anger however I feel that sometimes dr. forget that we are human and although they are doing their job she seemed to forget at that time that she was dealing with a person who has sever anxiety( it was written in my chart and evident) but also she was dealing with a person that lost her child a child that for me was real and is real..

I have been broken since then the words of the dr. telling me the baby was gone. The feeling of loss. This child I had been carrying was more than just a baby it was a futur it was a representation of all the work I have done to make it to the point that I could have a baby it was years of trying and finally getting pregnant. In an instant that all was gone. I haven't left my home in almost 2 weeks aside from going to a dr. appointment I am struggling with sleeping and eating. I tried to call a helpline last night when things got a bit intense in my head and I was told by the man I spoke to that "c'Est des choses qui arrive" my translation would be " things happen" he spoke to me as if i lost a pair of keys. and that this baby was not really a baby that I saved myself a life with a disabled baby because essentially that is what miscarriage is to him, when the baby would be too sick or disabled to survive, I got upset unable to tell him that the person he was speaking too is herself limited physically. I feel at this time nothing helps, everything hurts. I don'T know what my expectations are with this post other than to vent to express my pain. my fear and my sadness.

sorry for the sadness.

ashley
 
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Re: miscarriage

Hello,
<<and eventually a blood transfusion because I was already anemic prior to the miscarriage.>>

I typed too quickly and the words possible didn't enter in and I felt extremely bad about that after reading the post after posting it. So it is supposed to read <<and eventually a possible blood transfusion>> a situation that I was fortunate enough in this situation to avoid. sorry for my posting before rereading it all. in my need to vent i wrote to fast.
 

gooblax

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Re: miscarriage

That sounds really tough @Ashley-Kate. I'm sorry for the loss of your baby. :(
 

Daniel

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Re: miscarriage

So sorry for your loss.

Perhaps your psychiatrist can refer you to some additional means of emotional support? Or at least perhaps you can see your psychiatrist more often to talk with him?
 

David Baxter

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Sorry to hear about this, @Ashley-Kate

We haven't heard from you in a long time. Sorry to hear you are still struggling. :(
 
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Sorry Ashley-Kate your heart is in so much pain.
i do hope that you can get some therapy to help with the lost to help you with the sadness you feel. Perhaps you doctor can connect you to others who have had such a loss someone who truly knows the pain of miscarriage. Keep talking here keep reaching out in real world as well ok do not fight it alone. HUGS
 
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The nightmare just won’t end. Friday follow appointment had me in the operating room in the evening because finaly the meds didnt work as desired and the miscarriage was still not completed so had to go in surgically and to too it off had to stay in hospital do to an infection because of the delay had to stay in hospital on IV antibiotics. Was in the hospital during the time that the gov decided no more visitors in hospital do to virus covid19. I was released yesterday on oral antibiotics now. All this could have been prevented had they just listened to me the first time.

Im tired overwhelmed emotionally drained and sad all the time i spend everyday crying it seems
 

David Baxter

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Oh dear. :(

Well have they at least now cleared the miscarriage, @Ashley-Kate?
 

David Baxter

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Oh dear. :(

Well have they at least now cleared the miscarriage, @Ashley-Kate?
 
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They were able to remove everything from the pregnancy now its trying to clear the infection. I was on IV antibiotics for 24h they would have kept me longer but i struggle a lot with hospitals and physical contact and was unable to stay any longer so i am on a high dose of antibiotics at home
 

David Baxter

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You've been through an emotional and physical ordeal.

Make sure you get plenty of rest, keep drinking water, keep taking your medications, and don't exert yourself unnecessarily.

Do you have anyone at home to help you with meals and such?
 
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At the moment my boyfriend went back to working full time and ive on my end isolated myself from everyone. I’m drained of everything this has probably been the worse 2 weeks of my life. Seeing people makes it everything harder
 
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Probably heal faster at home in your own space less anxiety noise. I hope the antibiotics do the job and physically you get stronger and also hope that you can continue to get the help you need emotionally to heal inwards hugs
 
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I know the urge to isolate but if you can try to reach out to one or two people who can stay with you a bit even through day to help you ok don't stay alone with all that pain and sadness
 
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just checking in with you Ashley-Kate just know you can always talk here ok you are not alone here
 
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