rockandhardspot
Member
Starting from the beginning. My dad and mom divorced when I was 4. My dad was having an affair with a woman he would later marry. He then had another affair on this woman, and when she would not take him back. He committed suicide when I was 13. My mom remarried a man, who also had an affair on her. So the men in my life have not had a real good track record. This brings me to me. I dated; we will call her Molly, since I was a Sr. in high school. At first the love was very strong. You can kind of say I fell head over heels for her. Molly was great; she was athletic, caring, from a good back ground, everything a guy could want. Her dad took me under his wing and treated me like a son. She had another year of high school; I however had to go away to college. While at college I had my fun. Did not date any other girls, but I did have a few slips. Molly then went to a different college and we continue to date. Long distance relations are tough, but we got threw it. I never asked if she had any slips nor did she ever ask me. Molly then transferred to college with me, and we spent the next two years together. I asked Molly to marry me and she accepted. We got married the following year and everything was good. About a year and a half into our marriage, times got a little tough. However we got threw it. Then she came up pregnant. While pregnant times were really hard. I met this other woman and started to have an email affair. Never met her, however very sexual emails were sent. After the birth of my child. I decided that I could not continue to email this woman. I need to concentrate on my wife and child. This really pissed her off, so she email Molly. Molly and I had a real falling out. We did marriage counseling and continued to work on the marriage. Working at it to make it work. Found out a lot about how I was feeling and how we were treating each other. Everything started to get better. As the years pass and another child, Molly and I start to get in to a rut. Same thing every night. No time for each other. My job was stressful and we start to grow apart. I start to reflect on my life. Thinking what do I want? Where do I want to be? Am I really happy? I then meet, we will call her Judy. Judy and I hit it off from the start. She is married and has kids so I think nothing of it. After become close friends, I found out that Judy is not happy in her marriage and has not been for some time. Not because of me, but was not happy long before I was in the picture. One thing leads to another and Judy and I start an affair. We both state of front that this is just sex. You know a little excitement in our lives. Just something to satisfy a void that we both need. The rules where that neither one of us could fall in love. It was purely sexual. This was not a problem for either one of us, and we did this for about 2 years. In this time Judy gets a divorce and dates other men. I never had a problem with this. What was I going to say, I was married. However my marriage was in shambles before Judy was ever in the picture. As time goes on Judy and I become closer and one day we both realize that we love each other. We often talk about how none of this was to happen, but it just did. I realize that I am not happy at and that I am not treating my wife the way that she needs to be treated. Molly has loved me from the start and still does, however I am no longer in love with her. After many arguments I sit down and tell molly that I do not think I love her any more. She asks me to leave and figure out if I love her. So that brings it to day. I have been out of my house for about a month. I have my wife that when I see her. I still have feelings for, how strong of feelings I don’t know. On the other hand I have Judy, who I fall very hard for. I love being with her and spending time with her and her kids. The thing is I don’t want to call it quits on my marriage if I still have feeling for my wife. That would not be fair to Molly or Judy. Yet I love this other woman very much and don’t know what to do. Everybody in my family wants to give me advice on what I should do. Other people say just follow your heart. Well my heart is in two places. I am just confused.
