David Baxter PhD
Late Founder
6 Things I Know About Grief
by Dr. Aletta, Explore What's Next
September 27, 2010
A few months ago my friend Bruce Barber asked me to write a response to the question "How do you cope with the loss of a love one?" for his website, Real Life Survival Guide.
My first real life up close experience with grief was when my dearest friend was killed in a car crash along with her older brother. We were around twenty-three years old and had known each other since kindergarten. Her death had a profound impact on how I view life and life's loss. About nine years ago my mother died of pancreatic cancer and two years later, my father quietly died in his sleep.
Here's what I know about grief.
But in many cases, the bereaved just needs time and the assurance that their pain is natural.
There is a reason most cultures set aside an entire year for mourning. In a year we experience all those 'firsts'. The first Mother's Day, and my birthday without my mother was brutal. The next year, it still hurt. Subsequent years are dull echos of the first.
If you are grieving or know someone who is, please do not tell them to 'move on' or 'get over it,' even if it is the family dog they've lost. Respect the pain, connect with the deceased loved one through shared memories. With time and love, the one who has passed, will live again within those who survive. And those who survive will embrace life even more fully than before.
Here is an excellent article on the same subject: Six Things I have Learned Since Dad Died.
by Dr. Aletta, Explore What's Next
September 27, 2010
A few months ago my friend Bruce Barber asked me to write a response to the question "How do you cope with the loss of a love one?" for his website, Real Life Survival Guide.
My first real life up close experience with grief was when my dearest friend was killed in a car crash along with her older brother. We were around twenty-three years old and had known each other since kindergarten. Her death had a profound impact on how I view life and life's loss. About nine years ago my mother died of pancreatic cancer and two years later, my father quietly died in his sleep.
Here's what I know about grief.
- Grief is natural, even though it doesn't feel like it.
- Grief is not depression, even though it puts you in the deepest sadness.
- Grief cannot be hurried, even if others say it is time to 'move on'.
- Grief is not linear; sometimes it feels like a quiet, cloudy day, the next a battering hurricane and back again.
- Grief is sneaky, be prepared to be surprised by it.
- Grief is necessary, allow it.
But in many cases, the bereaved just needs time and the assurance that their pain is natural.
There is a reason most cultures set aside an entire year for mourning. In a year we experience all those 'firsts'. The first Mother's Day, and my birthday without my mother was brutal. The next year, it still hurt. Subsequent years are dull echos of the first.
If you are grieving or know someone who is, please do not tell them to 'move on' or 'get over it,' even if it is the family dog they've lost. Respect the pain, connect with the deceased loved one through shared memories. With time and love, the one who has passed, will live again within those who survive. And those who survive will embrace life even more fully than before.
Here is an excellent article on the same subject: Six Things I have Learned Since Dad Died.
