A different kind of self-injury ??

[Techie]

A few times in my life now... after 'upsetting' events... I have 'injured' myself by smashing all of my expensive or valued personal items. This includes computers, musical instruments, hobby items etc. Anything that is 'dear' to me or gives me any pleasure.

More recently it included using wire cutters to cut apart my wedding band and cross/necklace my wife gave to me as a wedding gift.

It is bad... if I added up the cost of everything it would be over $50,000. This has been happening more and more frequently... to the point now where I cannot afford to replace the items... and it is always my own things...

I dont know if it is becuase I am trying to show how badly I am hurting... or maybe 'I hurt so bad now that smashing all this wont make it any worse'... but there is a lot of anger before and after... but during the smashing I am ICE cold... no emotions. Just numb.

I regret it more and more after each incident but cant seem to control it when it 'happens'. Even a few days ago it almost happened again... something was not working right and I smashed it on the floor... I had an urge to smash everything... it was SO hard to stop... I was really upset... I kept thinking that my 'life was ending'. Felt like the whole world had ended... over something as small as something not working.

I have to stop this. Is this a form of self-injury like cutting ??

 

[ThatLady]

I've always thought of this kind of thing as being an aspect of self-injury; although, I don't know if the professionals agree. To me, anything you're doing consistently that injures your sense of well-being, your ability to live your life with pleasure and deal with the hard parts effectively, and deprives you of that which is fun for you is self-injury. Your wounds may not be visible, but they are certainly real.

 

[Little_Girl_Blue]

That's an interesting thought. I've often done that with art projects. It feels...good. Later I regret it, though.