I'm going to have my first EMDR session in a few weeks. I've already tried CBT (9 months of sessions about 7 years ago) and psychodynamic counselling (off and on for about 3 years). I am vastly improved, my life is so much better.
However I still react unconciously, sometimes to very innocuous situations, in ways that reflect my past experiences and that are not really relevant to the present. CBT is all very well if I can see things coming, but sometimes I find that this creeps up on me over hours or even days, and I'm well on my way to getting really very anxious before I even realise it. I don't want to live my life being randomly miserable any more.
So, I've decided to try EMDR. Afer a fair bit of looking I have found a therapist within half hour's drive from work and have an introductory session booked.
I have a few worries though.
Firstly, although I can remember a few specific violent events very clearly, a lot of my childhood experiences run together (I was physically abused between age 2 and about 12/13), and to be honest, the bits where I wasn't being hit were in many ways much worse, much more impactive on my life as an adult - the chronic fear that underlied every waking moment, and the need to be on constant watch, whilst appearing to be calm and comfortable. Without specific scenes to play out, how effective will the therapy be?
Secondly, I am going to have to have to disclose all of this upfront in person. With CBT I didn't really have to do that, and with the psychodynamic, I had already written on the forms what my history was and there was no pressure to lay it all out on the plate the first time I met the therapist. I spent my whole childhood trying to make sure everything stayed secret, and I am very anxious about having to be so upfront, even though I want to be. Even telling the therapist the barest of details on the phone made me break out into a sweat. Obviously this is something that I can work on in the EMDR but that's not going to happen until after I do this.
Lastly I am only going to be able to do monthly sessions due to the cost, the distance and the fact I need to take at least a half day off work each time. The therapist has offered me longer sessions (1.5 hour). Am I right in thinking I'm probably not going to be up to going back to work after a session? Will monthly be OK?
However I still react unconciously, sometimes to very innocuous situations, in ways that reflect my past experiences and that are not really relevant to the present. CBT is all very well if I can see things coming, but sometimes I find that this creeps up on me over hours or even days, and I'm well on my way to getting really very anxious before I even realise it. I don't want to live my life being randomly miserable any more.
So, I've decided to try EMDR. Afer a fair bit of looking I have found a therapist within half hour's drive from work and have an introductory session booked.
I have a few worries though.
Firstly, although I can remember a few specific violent events very clearly, a lot of my childhood experiences run together (I was physically abused between age 2 and about 12/13), and to be honest, the bits where I wasn't being hit were in many ways much worse, much more impactive on my life as an adult - the chronic fear that underlied every waking moment, and the need to be on constant watch, whilst appearing to be calm and comfortable. Without specific scenes to play out, how effective will the therapy be?
Secondly, I am going to have to have to disclose all of this upfront in person. With CBT I didn't really have to do that, and with the psychodynamic, I had already written on the forms what my history was and there was no pressure to lay it all out on the plate the first time I met the therapist. I spent my whole childhood trying to make sure everything stayed secret, and I am very anxious about having to be so upfront, even though I want to be. Even telling the therapist the barest of details on the phone made me break out into a sweat. Obviously this is something that I can work on in the EMDR but that's not going to happen until after I do this.
Lastly I am only going to be able to do monthly sessions due to the cost, the distance and the fact I need to take at least a half day off work each time. The therapist has offered me longer sessions (1.5 hour). Am I right in thinking I'm probably not going to be up to going back to work after a session? Will monthly be OK?
