Hi everyone. I am new to this site but I sure do need you all.
My mom is the queen of Narcissists. I am 56 years old married woman (child) and have 4 grown children but I still let my mother reduce me to a little child who needs a mothers loving touch but never gets it.
She has never given that to me or my sister and my brother who is now dead. The reason I am writing today is that the day before yesterday I called my mom to see how she is doing. I will try to give some background and not be to long (which now reading over it didn’t happen). Mom is 86 years old and my dad died 15 years ago. She lived in the suburbs of Philadelphia and does not drive. She had cancer and had one of her breasts removed.
She was then cancer free. About 3 years later a she had a stroke. She was on her sofa alone for three days before someone found her. She had no residuals from that. The house she was living in was big and needed repair and she did not have the money to fix it. We suggested that she buy a smaller house near my sister who works from home. Mom said no but sold her home in the suburbs and moved back to the city into a row home.
She was there for about 5 years and found out she had Lymphoma. She was scared to death and so we told her she could come live with us in New Orleans. She sold this row home and we went to pick her up in Philadelphia. We had made two other trips before this one to get most of her things. Well the weekend we went to go get her to come live permanently with us was the weekend that KATRINA hit New Orleans.
She had already sold her home. We went to stay with my sister in Georgia until we were allowed to go back home. This was touchy because my mother and sister didn't get along all that well (mom also didn't get along with my brother or her own brother or anyone for that matter). After a few days we were told we had to report to Ft. Worth because we both work for the government. We could not take mom because we had no idea where they would put us so we left her with my sister. Bad thing!!!! Mom called me and told me that if I didn’t come get her right then and there that she was going to kill herself. I told her we couldn’t but that if she would wait another week and a half we would come and bring her back to New Orleans where my adult kids were back at my home which didn’t have hardly any damage. Mom told me ok but then the very next day mom got into a big fight with my sister and made her bring her back to Philadelphia to my brother’s house.
My brother’s wife was at home dying of cancer. That lasted two days and mom took off and didn't come home (to my brother’s house). I found her staying at a holiday inn in Philadelphia. Well we were still in Ft. Worth in a small hotel room. Well I got in touch with some of her cousins and they did find a little apt for her not far from them but not in the city. She hated it and complained that she was afraid and that she couldn’t go anywhere. I kept telling her we would come get her and bring her back to live with us. We were home by this time.
She kept saying no that she was afraid of the hurricanes. She finally decided after almost a year that she would come live with us and we went to get her. She live with us for two years and every single day she said how much she HATED living here. All she wanted to talk about was child molesters and cheating husbands and murderers. Everything out of her mouth was depressing and she said I was cold and just like her other kids. She completely bashed my brother and sister at least 5 times a day. She did not speak to them at all and she also didn’t speak to her only living brother.
Over the years I tried several time to make peace but it was always short lived. Then about a year after mom came to live with us my sister e-mailed me that my brother had advanced cancer and he was going to die. My daughter and I took my mother to Florida to visit him. We stayed 4 days and he was ok for 2 of those days then he quickly declined and was not lucid the last two days we were there. We had to return home to New Orleans and my brother died the day we got home. We turned around the next week and my husband and I and mom went back to Florida to attend the funeral services. Anyway back in New Orleans mom continued to complain.
First she said she wanted to buy a house in New Orleans so we looked then she didn’t want to live here then she did. Then she decided to move back to Philadelphia. We looked for houses on the internet but she didn’t like any of them. Then she decided to move back to the Philadelphia area and live with her cousin’s wife until she found her own house in south Philly. That was 2 years ago now and she is now renting an apt from that cousin’s wife in the same building that she lives in. She doesn’t like her or any of her neighbors except one lady who does everything for her.
It seems to me that this lady is also getting tired of doing everything for my mother and it is getting old now. Right now I am staying with my daughter in Texas as she waits to have her first baby (she is 6 days late) and I called mom two nights ago to see how she was. The conversation as always led to how rotten her children are and I said I am one of you children and she just made a sound. Then she said she just wants to die because she has a horrible life and no one cares about her. Then she said she needs to talk to a funeral director because she doesn’t want any of her children at her funeral. I said what? If you don’t want her there you will need to let her know your self because I don’t want to be in the middle of that. She said NONE OF MY CHILDREN! I said do you mean you don’t want me there? She said yes none of my children. Well need less to say that hurt very deeply.
I guess I said some stuff I shouldn’t have. I asked her several times if that is what she really wanted and several times she said yes. Then I told her that she better also talk to a lawyer then to change who the executor of her will was because I did not want to be it if she really feels that way. I told her as soon as I get back to New Orleans I will send the will and the executor papers back to her. I told her how much she hurt me but of course she turned it around and said that we were no good to her and she was A GOOD MOTHER and always DID EVERYTHING FOR HER KIDS.
I told her to tell my daughter what she told me and I gave the phone to my daughter and she told my daughter that her baby would grown up and kick her in the ass too. I took the phone back and told her I just couldn’t listen to it any more and she said that I was the one that upset her.
I told her I would call her in a few days and hung up. I have not been able to sleep for the past two days and have terrible guilt feelings. I don’t even know if I should receive Communion tomorrow. I thought I was getting better at dealing with her but obviously not. I am so sorry this is so long and it really doesn’t even tell you how my mom is but if you are a child of a narcissist then you understand.
My mom is the queen of Narcissists. I am 56 years old married woman (child) and have 4 grown children but I still let my mother reduce me to a little child who needs a mothers loving touch but never gets it.
She has never given that to me or my sister and my brother who is now dead. The reason I am writing today is that the day before yesterday I called my mom to see how she is doing. I will try to give some background and not be to long (which now reading over it didn’t happen). Mom is 86 years old and my dad died 15 years ago. She lived in the suburbs of Philadelphia and does not drive. She had cancer and had one of her breasts removed.
She was then cancer free. About 3 years later a she had a stroke. She was on her sofa alone for three days before someone found her. She had no residuals from that. The house she was living in was big and needed repair and she did not have the money to fix it. We suggested that she buy a smaller house near my sister who works from home. Mom said no but sold her home in the suburbs and moved back to the city into a row home.
She was there for about 5 years and found out she had Lymphoma. She was scared to death and so we told her she could come live with us in New Orleans. She sold this row home and we went to pick her up in Philadelphia. We had made two other trips before this one to get most of her things. Well the weekend we went to go get her to come live permanently with us was the weekend that KATRINA hit New Orleans.
She had already sold her home. We went to stay with my sister in Georgia until we were allowed to go back home. This was touchy because my mother and sister didn't get along all that well (mom also didn't get along with my brother or her own brother or anyone for that matter). After a few days we were told we had to report to Ft. Worth because we both work for the government. We could not take mom because we had no idea where they would put us so we left her with my sister. Bad thing!!!! Mom called me and told me that if I didn’t come get her right then and there that she was going to kill herself. I told her we couldn’t but that if she would wait another week and a half we would come and bring her back to New Orleans where my adult kids were back at my home which didn’t have hardly any damage. Mom told me ok but then the very next day mom got into a big fight with my sister and made her bring her back to Philadelphia to my brother’s house.
My brother’s wife was at home dying of cancer. That lasted two days and mom took off and didn't come home (to my brother’s house). I found her staying at a holiday inn in Philadelphia. Well we were still in Ft. Worth in a small hotel room. Well I got in touch with some of her cousins and they did find a little apt for her not far from them but not in the city. She hated it and complained that she was afraid and that she couldn’t go anywhere. I kept telling her we would come get her and bring her back to live with us. We were home by this time.
She kept saying no that she was afraid of the hurricanes. She finally decided after almost a year that she would come live with us and we went to get her. She live with us for two years and every single day she said how much she HATED living here. All she wanted to talk about was child molesters and cheating husbands and murderers. Everything out of her mouth was depressing and she said I was cold and just like her other kids. She completely bashed my brother and sister at least 5 times a day. She did not speak to them at all and she also didn’t speak to her only living brother.
Over the years I tried several time to make peace but it was always short lived. Then about a year after mom came to live with us my sister e-mailed me that my brother had advanced cancer and he was going to die. My daughter and I took my mother to Florida to visit him. We stayed 4 days and he was ok for 2 of those days then he quickly declined and was not lucid the last two days we were there. We had to return home to New Orleans and my brother died the day we got home. We turned around the next week and my husband and I and mom went back to Florida to attend the funeral services. Anyway back in New Orleans mom continued to complain.
First she said she wanted to buy a house in New Orleans so we looked then she didn’t want to live here then she did. Then she decided to move back to Philadelphia. We looked for houses on the internet but she didn’t like any of them. Then she decided to move back to the Philadelphia area and live with her cousin’s wife until she found her own house in south Philly. That was 2 years ago now and she is now renting an apt from that cousin’s wife in the same building that she lives in. She doesn’t like her or any of her neighbors except one lady who does everything for her.
It seems to me that this lady is also getting tired of doing everything for my mother and it is getting old now. Right now I am staying with my daughter in Texas as she waits to have her first baby (she is 6 days late) and I called mom two nights ago to see how she was. The conversation as always led to how rotten her children are and I said I am one of you children and she just made a sound. Then she said she just wants to die because she has a horrible life and no one cares about her. Then she said she needs to talk to a funeral director because she doesn’t want any of her children at her funeral. I said what? If you don’t want her there you will need to let her know your self because I don’t want to be in the middle of that. She said NONE OF MY CHILDREN! I said do you mean you don’t want me there? She said yes none of my children. Well need less to say that hurt very deeply.
I guess I said some stuff I shouldn’t have. I asked her several times if that is what she really wanted and several times she said yes. Then I told her that she better also talk to a lawyer then to change who the executor of her will was because I did not want to be it if she really feels that way. I told her as soon as I get back to New Orleans I will send the will and the executor papers back to her. I told her how much she hurt me but of course she turned it around and said that we were no good to her and she was A GOOD MOTHER and always DID EVERYTHING FOR HER KIDS.
I told her to tell my daughter what she told me and I gave the phone to my daughter and she told my daughter that her baby would grown up and kick her in the ass too. I took the phone back and told her I just couldn’t listen to it any more and she said that I was the one that upset her.
I told her I would call her in a few days and hung up. I have not been able to sleep for the past two days and have terrible guilt feelings. I don’t even know if I should receive Communion tomorrow. I thought I was getting better at dealing with her but obviously not. I am so sorry this is so long and it really doesn’t even tell you how my mom is but if you are a child of a narcissist then you understand.
