Adverse affects of therapy

[MollyK]

I was very hopeful about having attachment based therapy, which started in December 07. I have an attachment disorder and have struggled with relationships for as long as I can remember.

I like the therapist, feel he knows where I am at but if anything its making me more and more depressed. I am coming away each week feeling more and ore churned up, angry, in some dark place and my self esteem and motivation seem to be non existent. I often battle with feeling low but this is different - darker and more consistent and much worse in the days after therapy.

I told this to the therapist and he says very often it seems you can get worse before you get better. I accept this but it doesnt feel a healthy kind of "worse". I am also worried that this just isnt the case and worse is not good but bad! I was actually having suicidal thoughts today and great big angry clouds of frustration and hopelessness.

I'm not sure if I should persist with this or just leave. Maybe therapy just isnt for me .. i've tried it before andalso felt worse

 

[David Baxter PhD]

Maybe it's not that therapy isn't for you. Maybe it's that this approach to therapy isn't working for you at this stage in your life.

Does your therapist use other approaches? If not, rather than giving up on therapy, it might be worth looking for another therapist.

 

[MollyK]

So you dont buy the theory of getting worse before it gets better David? I dont either. I also dont buy the idea that insight automatically brings healing .. I think I understand myself plenty but it doesnt make me do things differently or feel better

I've tried CBT (too superficial although helped a bit!), psychodynamic (didnt like communicating with a blank screen). I was so hopeful for this becuase its specifically about attachment issues (which I have) .. what makes it more difficult too is because a psychiatrist thought this would be best for me, she secured NHS funding so its free! Other private therapists in the UK are beyond what I can afford .. so I am kind of stuck.

If I carry on with the downward slide I will pull out. I'll have to!

 

[David Baxter PhD]

So you dont buy the theory of getting worse before it gets better David? I dont either.

No, I didn't say that. I know that as you uncover painful memories or address distressing issues sometimes you can feel "worse" for a while- that's because you're dealing with memories and thoughts and feelings you've been trying very bard to bury up to this point.

I also dont buy the idea that insight automatically brings healing .. I think I understand myself plenty but it doesnt make me do things differently or feel better

I agree. It's the greatest flaw in psychoanalysis. Insight alone doesn't guarantee change.

I've tried CBT (too superficial although helped a bit!), psychodynamic (didnt like communicating with a blank screen). I was so hopeful for this because its specifically about attachment issues (which I have) .. what makes it more difficult too is because a psychiatrist thought this would be best for me, she secured NHS funding so its free! Other private therapists in the UK are beyond what I can afford .. so I am kind of stuck.

Maybe it's not the approach. Maybe it's the therapist. The best predictor of success in psychotherapy is the match between therapist and client.

 

[braveheart]

The thing is about attachment and relationship, especially where there've been wounds in relationship, is that it is, by it's very nature painful and aching.

How would you feel about seeing a woman, rather than a man? What was your relationship with your father like?

I have an excellent therapist, and I'm in relationship focused analytic based psychotherapy, but my psychotherapist does use other approaches as well - including trauma based therapy, as needed. It did take me a couple of years - and getting on the right medication, to start to really take responsbility and start to feel better. But my condition had been going on for years untreated before that.

 

[MollyK]

Hi thank you for your replies. Some of the words used to describe attachment based therapy made me think that this is just what I need. Words like "attachment-based" for starters and saying that "it will be a minimum of two years in order to build a secure base". I went through a year of psychodynamic therapy and was worse at the end of it and just felt abandoned with the same problems at the end. This approach doesnt seem all that much different, slightly more relational though, he does talk to me! but still keeping that professional distance .. God I need warmth! is that so difficult or wrong. Why cant a therapist be like a friend too ..are my needs and expectations too high? On one level I know they are if I am completely honest.. inside me there is a very small child that wants the therapist to be a parent, which on yet another level is totally unrealistic, I would be completely vulnerable and heading for abandonment at some point as therapy isnt forever, being dumped in a vulnerable state would probably kill me! .. so maybe I'm safest with a distant therapist, even though this is making me feel worse

Braveheart the psychodynamic therapist was a woman, I actually asked if I could see a man because I experienced abuse from my father and have never been able to really trust or form relationships (other than abusive ones) with men. My 'logic' was.. this may prove all my preconceived ideas wrong if I could kind of get to trust a man in the safe form of a therapist .. that and all the women therapists I have seen havent helped a bit.

I have only been going since December 07. He did actually say I would feel worse for a time, the difficulty is I battle with depression anyway, I cant afford to get any worse, I wasnt able to get up for work two days last week and I need to function. I cant relate this depression to what has been said in that room, it just feels like some darkness of new proportions has descended on me and I cant connect it to any thought or words spoken but I hit rock bottom after these sessions anyway. I feel like I have an egg cupful of fight this morning though and Im about to do a "gratitude list" and keep myself busy.

Any ideas about what I should do from here would be gratefully received. I dont know if any of the above makes sense, but right now I am really confused about the whole therapy thing .. I'm also scared to go back for another dose, even though I quite like him!

 

[David Baxter PhD]

Are you taking any medication currently to help with the depression, Molly? If not, it might be a good idea to talk to your doctor about starting some; you might think about it as an extra resource while you face your demons.

If you already are taking medication, talk to your doctor about the possibility of increasing the dose or adding something else for a while.

 

[MollyK]

Hi David

Over the years I think I have tried just about every anti depressant on the market, they never work even when I persevere through the side effects and manage to carry on for a couple of months, side effects which others dont seem to get or not as bad, which to are anxiety, shakiness, insomnia, erratic behaviour, feeling like my head is stuffed with cotton wool. I just cant take the things! I take a lot of natural stuff, Omega 3, St Johns wort etc which I think helps.

My doctor would give me them readily enough though, he often has the prescription written out before I've finished a sentence but I am very very reluctant (and scared) to try yet more anti depressants.

 

[Into The Light]

is your doctor a family physician? if so, maybe it might not be a bad idea to get referred to a psychiatrist as they specialize in medication for things such as depression. i know there are other options out there such as combining two anti-depressants if a single one doesn't work. but i think you would need an expert to work all that out with you.

 

[Halo]

Molly, I can relate to a few things that you posted above and especially changing from always having female therapists to a male one. I have had many female therapists over the years but didn't find any of them to be helpful at all and am glad that I decided to choose a male this time...as scary as that was in the beginning.

Any ideas about what I should do from here would be gratefully received. I dont know if any of the above makes sense, but right now I am really confused about the whole therapy thing .. I'm also scared to go back for another dose, even though I quite like him!

My thoughts and suggestion would be to stick with it. You have only been in therapy with this person for a couple of months and in my experience when beginning to uncover and discover feelings that have otherwise been closed off, it can be extremely difficult, scary and indeed make you feel worse. I think the suggestion of going to your doctor about medication is a good one and together with medication and therapy you will get through this but you just have to hang on and give it a shot. Things will get better but healing takes time.

 

[Into The Light]

if you feel comfortable enough with your therapist maybe you could go back and tell him how this worse doesn't feel like a to-be-expected-worse but a really bad worse. you could both explore what is really happening and if the approach really just isn't right for you or if it's something that will get better.

it's very hard for us to gauge this because they are your feelings and of course we don't know exactly what it's like for you. but i think i would try to figure this out with the therapist if you feel ok doing that with him (if he feels like the right person for you). if in the end it turns out not to be right for you, i would see if you could get his recommendation on what might be better.

 

[MollyK]

Thank you for your responses .. I have come to a slightly more settled place today. I think I will just go back there next week and discuss all of this.

Thanks everyone

 

[Halo]

I am happy to hear that you are going to go back and discuss this with your therapist....a wise decision :2thumbs:

Let us know how it goes