Advice on how to take action when depression tells me I can't?

[HotthenCold]

Hello,

I'm not entirely sure if I'll be able to communicate what it is I am after, though I will try.

Basically, I am struggling with not knowing what I want to do, and not feeling like doing anything. I have ample free time, far more than most actually, and my needs are all met. Food, shelter, clothing, loving family, friends (though the friends realm could use some work, but that's another topic).

I have several interests, though I am not interested enough to pursue them, and I am in a state of reevaluating which ones I'm actually passionate about, and which ones I've integrated as a part of my identity for some insecure reason.

I feel that I SHOULD be making progress on many more fronts than I am, as I waste a lot of time sitting around contemplating what I want to do.

I know the obvious answer is "just do something", which I actually do do a fair bit of the time. My room is clean, my car is running in top condition, my bills are paid, etc. Now I have ample time to truly pursue my interests, but every time I think "I'll go do that" I'm filled with indifference. Working out and journalling/posting on these threads are the two exceptions.

I'm rambling now so I'll list what I feel I "could/should/possibly want" to do, along with the thoughts surrounding that action:

- I could meditate ***I will soon, though I'll probably not be able to sit very long. My self talk is too negative, that's what I need to change right now. I'll meditate and overcome my impatience soon. Not sure when, but sometime today***

- I could practice d.j'ing ***I'm not interested enough in it to try. Plus, if I do something I might as well try to make a serious go of it, and being a good d.j means spending countless hours finding music and learning to hone the various disciplines related to mixing/scratching. Since I'm at the end of my 'party' years when being a d.j would be fun, I might as well not bother***

- I could write rhymes (among my many dreams is being an m.c) ***Same though process as that for being a d.j***

- I could follow my urge to write something, possibly in the comedy realm. ***I have no idea what medium I would use (blog, script, stand up, cartoon, other random as yet determined idea), and no idea how to start. Plus I don't even know if I'm funny. Also, I don't feel I have the discipline to conceive of, write, edit, proof read, etc, a good story or script.***

- I could go do some charity work because I do love helping others ***if I went and did it I would regret going and feel like I was wasting my time and wishing I was partying or d.j'ing", plus I don't know what kind of charity work I would want to do. It's pathetic that you've still not taken action on doing this as you know it makes you feel good***

- I could go cook something ***though I love cooking, I do not feel inspired to do that right now. Why don't I feel excited about cooking like I used to?"

- I could go try and meet a girl, maybe go on some dates and get out of my rut ***ha, I'm such a mess right now that a girl would run for the hills. Plus, I am too vulnerable and self absorbed at present to have much to offer, and I don't want to get involved in any kind of nastiness if things didn't work out, as I simply can't put myself through the agony of having my ego bruised if I don't meet someones expectations, and I assume most women's expectations are too high for me to satisfy"

and that, my friends, is a pretty accurate snapshot of the merry go round of my thoughts, especially today.

So, if you've read this far then many thanks, and if you have any suggestions or see a possible pattern I would love your insight on the matter,

Sincerely,

HTC

 

[forgetmenot]

Acknowledge the distorted thoughts of depression for what they are distorted and do the opposite of what they make you feel. ONly you can push past these thoughts even if you don't want to do it do it anyways small steps at first will lead to bigger steps Talk to your doctor get some therapy to change your mind set

 

[W00BY]

Carl Rogers father used to say to him something along the lines (when he was studying)

to be a gun rather than an amour truck, you have to narrow down your interests to those you have a true passions for

I am a bit like yourself and am a bit of a jack of all trades, music, writing, art and design however I am currently studying to be a counseling psychologist even though I am not totally sure it is what I want to do at the end of my studies.

I was well in my 30's before I could even start to think about what I wanted to do or got enough confidence to be able to understand I was approachable and people seemed to easily open up to me and would discuss things with me they would not even disclose to their closest family, I was told by others I should be both a writer and a counselor and that how I fell into it.

I would have not considered either if had it not been for these external opinions.

This time of year is difficult I am sluggish tired and depressed during the winter so I become less focused and have to concentrate so hard to get written stuff completed on time etc.

There are people like writers who take things like seasonal affective disorder into account when planning their work schedule and increasingly employers (within the creative industries) are beginning to understand that some of their most talented staff work better in certain seasons.

I think the first step is to be honest with yourself about where your talents actually lie, however it's not always an easy thing to to do I certainly find it hard to think of myself in a positive light most days, so that is were others come in.

Ask your family and friends what they think you talents are, it may be something you are not even aware of, join some clubs or get some private lessons say in music production, the possibilities are endless!