Am I Bordering A Psychosis?

[Tempered Tense]

Hi,
I'm new here and This is a shot in the dark. I know it is not the best to seek advice online. Though I am on several waiting lists for clinics in my area. I have been diagnosed with OCD since my late teens, and have moved around a lot which explains my stopping and restarting Prozac. The medicine doesn't seem to have any effect on me anymore. I didn't grow up with my family, since I was in foster care and mostly group homes. I'm going to share some embarrassing symptoms I've had in order to display a more accurate picture pertaining to my question. Since I have an anonymous identity here, I don't mind doing so. At the worst point of my OCD, I had persistant fears that I would start to sort of mutate and look like the person that I came into any kind of physical contact with, and become contaminated or infected by them. So I went to extreme measures to avoid any kind of contact with anyone. If someone brushed up against me I would immediately find a bathroom and pull out the soap I always carried with me and scrub that part of me that they touched, and then knock on wood a set number of times. If wood was not available I would count several times in my head. If someone sat on my sheets after I just made my bed, I would immediately change them, and disinfect the entire mattress as well. At home it is especialy prevalent. I won't share shampoos or body soaps. They have to be my own. I buy my own food, plastic bowls, dishes and utensils. If they even stand close to or near my food, I toss it away completely. I am always spraying cleaners in the air when another walks buy, in order not to breathe the same air space that they breathed. If someone coughs, even covering their mouth, I totaly freak. Yet now I only have this problem and obsession with my family members and no one else. Alot of full blown arguments and fighting have occured as a result of my actions. It has gotten to the point where if I even make eye contact with my brother, that I will start to look like him and lose my own identity in some way. ( he copies alot of what I do, and sometimes I get the thought that he may be trying to steal my identity. ) I know this sounds bizarre and absurd. I also know that it can't be possible. But even with that knowledge, it still plagues me, and I cannot stop acting upon it. This is where I fear I might be having some sort of dillusion even if I am aware of it. I also wonder if there might be some psychological factor, since I am extremely uncomfortable and have anger issues with my family. Or maybe even a double diagnosis? As I stated before , I am currently on waiting lists for several mental health clinics, and I do realize that any insight given to me here is not meant to supplement professional advice, though I am hoping for some insightful feedback on this matter. I have been trying to rationalize and reason with myself to no avail, and found this forum to look very promising.

 

[Daniel E.]

My 2 cents...You are not psychotic. As is the case with OCD, one recognizes the thoughts as irrational and yet can't change one's behavior or way of thinking.

 

[Tempered Tense]

Thankyou for responding. I was leaning towards the fact that I might not be as well. The thing that scared me, and the reason why I had that small notion that I might be, was because of the bizarre nature of my obsessions, and the fact that they only occur with my family and no one else. I do feel a little relieved though.

 

[lammers1980]

Much like Daniel said, the fact that you are aware that the thoughts are irrational yet are powerless to stop them indicates strongly that it is OCD.

I remember having "morphing" fears when I was a young adolescent. I would become afraid that if I thought about it, I would spontaneously either change races, or even sexes. Bizarre thoughts, yet they seemed frightening at the time. This was especially so, because I did not know what OCD was at the time.

I assure you, although you fear that nobody else has had such bizarre fears, chances are someone else has had them too.

 

[Daniel E.]

More info:

Despite growing awareness, OCD is still frequently misdiagnosed as depression or stress. Occasionally, because of the bizarre obsessions, sufferers are [incorrectly] labelled schizophrenic or psychotic. 'My GP didn't have a clue what the matter was: says Harris. 'He just asked: "How's your relationship with your boyfriend? How's university?" It was just a tick-list of questions about why someone might be upset.'

It's hardly surprising that OCD sufferers are slow to seek treatment - it's not unusual for some to wait as long as fourteen years before consulting a doctor, usually because they're ashamed of their bizarre symptoms.

http://www.ocdcentre.com/pages/articles.htm

For example, although schizophrenic delusions may resemble obsessions common in OCD, people experiencing delusions do not have insight into their content. They believe the delusions involve external influence and are not the product of their own mind.
http://www.healthyplace.com/Communities/Anxiety/ocd_6.asp

Even if you thought the obsessive thoughts were rational, the treatment plan would not necessarily be different:

Patients with obsessive-compulsive disorder (OCD) may present with fixed, bizarre ‘delusional’ beliefs and loss of insight.

These patients are best considered within an OCD management plan. Behavioural and/or pharmacological strategies used in OCD are the most appropriate first line of treatment.

Use of long-term antipsychotic medication is not routinely recommended as patients are unlikely to respond. If used, it should be as a therapeutic trial, and response should be carefully monitored.
The British Journal of Psychiatry | Cambridge Core

 

[Tempered Tense]

Daniel,

Thankyou so much for those links, I saved them to my favorites. Very helpful sites. I also read somewhere in the last one about poor insight, where for a long period of time during severe OCD, one might even try argue why their obsession may be logical, or try to point out the logic in them, yet they still recognize that it's irrational. I do have a better understanding now. Like for example, in my fear of contamination, if someone touches my hand, I have to wash it. I can argue and say, but yes, a small portion of their germs did in fact get on my hand, but these are germs that are inevitable and of which we encounter everyday, and theres no need to wash them off every single time we come into contact.
Thanks again for the info.