Am I depressed ?

[shanarino]

I'm curious as to what you all will think about this? I have been an anxious person for as long as I can remember. My mother says it started at 13. I also, at this time, started with drugs and alcohol. I am now almost 27. I have always been a bit of a worrier ,I think, and I have always had anxiety, but I have also always been able to recover quickly from dissapointments and set-backs. Well, last year I got hooked on methadone, it sounds crazy, but a "friend" gave me ALOT of pills and before I knew it I was taking 10 at least a day. Needless to say I was pretty high most of the time, and my poor husband had no idea what was going on. I just remember feeling this overwhelming sense of well-being. Well, I had no idea what I was in for. I went thru almost a month of the worst withdrawal symptoms you can possible imagine. I came out of it ok at home here(after I came clean with hubby, who by the way was very dissapointed but also very supportive) but I think it made me depressed. However, it went away and I was back to normal for a while(mood wise). Meanwhile I went and told my dr. that I was still having trouble sleeping and what-not while taking zoloft 100 mg a day. I was having terrible nightsweats and couldnt get any sleep. He decided to put me on zyprexa 5 mgs a day and I started taking it and stopped taking the zoloft. Well, 3 days later I found out I was pregnant and my dr. said I should probably stay on the medication due to my past history. I decided to try and stop taking the meds for my babies sake. It went downhill real fast and I ended up starting the meds again. Well I have not felt "right" since. I am exercising, taking an omega 3 fatty acid supplement and doing everything right! I am now 6 1/2 months pregnant and the baby is doing great, but I am not doing so good. Heres some symptoms. I feel bad, hopeless, down, irritable and moody nearly all the time. Even things like the relationship with my dogs has changed. The poor little things must think Ive lost it, I have no consistency to my moods or feelings other than negative. Ive even gone back to work part-time to see if that helps. Its not. Also, I think Im having obsessively sexual thoughts. I have tremendous feelings of guilt and I cry alot. Sometimes I think I am sad about this pregnancy. I dont feel very close and I feel like I should. I worry that I will never bond with my baby and that I will feel this way forever.And believe it or not, it is a little better since my ob/gyn upped the dosage but I know I am not right. My husband thinks I am fine and will not let me see a psychiatrist without a huge fight, although he sees my mood swings and ups and downs. He says if you think youre mental then youre not! My question is, can anybody tell me what changed? Any thoughts on wether or not this is depression or pregnancy hormones. I know youre not all experts, I guess I just needed to tell someone!! I need help, because if this doiesnt go away after the pregnancy is over I am in deep trouble!!

 

[ThatLady]

There is a lot of volatility of mood that comes along with the shifting hormones of pregnancy, hon. However, if you're feeling down all the time, and don't feel "right", you need to get some help to deal with those feelings. As you say, if you can't get control before the baby is born, things could degenerate once the extra stress of a baby is added to the mix. You need to talk to your gynecologist about how you're feeling, and be completely upfront and honest with him/her. Then, if necessary, have your gynecologist talk to your husband and explain to him how important the proper treatment is.

It sounds like your husband is reacting to the unfortunate stigma that is often attached to "mental illness". It's sad that people think like this, but they do. Being depressed isn't that different than having diabetes. It's nothing to be ashamed of, but it DOES need treatment. )