Anniversary of a hard event

[Cat Dancer]

I'm very worried about something. I have been having these thoughts of something bad happening to this man. Not to him physically or anything that would be harmful to him, but something like his car getting stolen, or his house being broken into, or losing his job. I want something like this to happen in those moments that these thoughts come. And I know it's horrible and then I feel SO guilty. And what if something like this does happen? It would be my fault because I thought it. I believe that anyway. And the guilt makes me feel like hurting myself and it's this never ending cycle. I just feel so bad. It hurts so much. I don't know how , at these moments, to get relief from this. I know I need help. I just can't get help right now. I am a horrible person. I know that.

 

[David Baxter PhD]

No, it wouldn't be your fault just because you thought it. And the fact that you are having these thoughts is normal. This man assaulted you. And you feel helpless and powerless to do anything about it... even to tell other people about it. To wish that he would feel even a small percentage of the distress you have felt over the past year and a half or so is very normal.

You're not a horrible person for feeling this way. You are just a human being.

The horrible person is the person who assaulted you... not the person who was assaulted.

 

[ThatLady]

You're not a horrible person, janet. You're a normal person feeling what anyone would feel if they'd been assaulted by some jerk. I'd wish terrible things on him, too. The thing to realize is that we can't wish things into being. Our wishes for bad things to befall those who have wronged us cannot cause those things to happen. They serve simply to give us a little relief from the anger we feel.

 

[Cat Dancer]

I just found out I'm going to be seeing this person in May. I don't know if there is any way out of it. I should be over this, but I am not. I feel like this just happened, numb and sick to my stomach. I wanted to hurt myself, but I didn't so that is a good thing that I didn't. Sometimes it's so hard to face this.

 

[ThatLady]

Why do you have to see this person at all, Janet? If this person wronged you, you have a right never to have to lay eyes on him/her again.

 

[Cat Dancer]

I think maybe I've avoided it for too long? It's a get together and with the baby I don't see any way around it. but maybe it's time to face all this? I don't know. I think I have no sense of what is appropriate or ok. Plus I don't have the energy to say no anymore.

 

[ThatLady]

Sweetie, if you don't want to see someone, you have every right not to see that person. It's not inappropriate to refuse to have any dealings with someone who has mistreated you. In fact, it should be expected. It's your right as a human being, luv.

 

[just mary]

Hi Janet,

ThatLady has a very good point, "It's your right as a human being".? I don't know all the specifics but from what I've read I believe you can say no to meeting this person.? It's so easy for me to say, I know.? I'm just not sure what else to say, other than I'm thinking of you and I wish I could help and please keep talking on this forum.? You're such a kind, compassionate and strong indivdual Janet.? Thanks for being there.

Take care.

 

[Cat Dancer]

Thanks. Both of you. Your words mean so much.

I have a couple of months to try to find some way out of this. I feel childish, but I cannot bear the thought of ever seeing him again. I hate having this hanging over me.

 

[foghlaim]

Plus I don't have the energy to say no anymore.

Janet: when you feel like you have no energy left to say no , then can i suggest you take some of ours.? Draw on the ppl here for the strength to be able to stand strong and say\do what you know is the right thing for you in this situation.? ?

You may feel\think you have to meet this person, But in fact you don't have to.? ?

thinking of you.

 

[Cat Dancer]

thank you

 

[Cat Dancer]

I think this awful thing that happened to me has less of a hold on me than it did last year. I think I'm a little stronger than I was and a little more able to see that what was done to me was not my fault. It was DONE to me. It was hurtful and horrible and terrifying and maybe (although I struggle with this) I didn't deserve it.

Maybe?

 

[Into The Light]

you are right, janet, it was done TO you. i am glad you are starting to see that. i am also glad that you are starting to think that maybe you didn't deserve it. all of us here know for a fact you didn't deserve it. no person in this world deserves to go through what happened to you. the fact that you are seeing this as a maybe, even though you struggle with it, is a step forward. some day in your mind that 'maybe' will become a 'i did not deserve it' - that 'maybe' will be gone.

 

[foghlaim]

I agree with everything ladybug has said Janet.. You are moving forward and you are so right in your thinking that you are a stronger person than you were a year ago. Your post above proves that point!! to me anyway

It makes me want to hug you to bits!! I'm so proud of you for getting this far. I think you are turning an important corner in you're line of thinking, keep going and get round that corner! and like Ladybug said.. one of these days that "maybe", (that doubt) will be gone.



:hug:

 

[Cat Dancer]

I think I am stronger. I think it comes so slowly though. The strength, the insight, the healing.

Tonight is hard. The weather is the same as it was the night BEFORE. There's always the before. If I had only known I would have done things so differently. But I had no idea. It was a devastating thing. But I guess I'm still here, trying to put some kind of life together.

 

[ThatLady]

There's no way you could possibly deserve to have something harmful done TO you, Janet. There's no excuse for mistreating people. It's never right, and it's never deserved. :hug:

You're really making progress. Yes, it's slow, but it does come. With each step forward the road to wellness becomes shorter. That's a very positive thing, when you can see it.

 

[Halo]

There's no way you could possibly deserve to have something harmful done TO you, Janet. There's no excuse for mistreating people. It's never right, and it's never deserved. :hug:

TL, not only did Janet need to hear this but I did as well. Thank you :hug:

 

[kimbercare]

I don't know you Janet..but hugs and I hope today is full of wonderful things to take pictures of.
Is it snowing where you live? I love snowy pictures. I love the black and white effect of pictures of people. Do you scrapbook?

 

[Cat Dancer]

Hi, Kimbercare.

Thank you for your kind words. It is snowing here today. I have started doing some scrapbooking. I would like to taking healing pictures and use healing words. I want to get over the past. So much.

 

[Cat Dancer]

Wow. I'm still here. Hard to believe.