Any real insight for males with BPD

[abortive]

this is my first post in three years, anyways

i know males don't often have BPD but rather antisocial personality. these labels bother me, people are more then a list of symptoms describing a whole spectrum of emotional disturbances, i do have remorse, guilt and shame, but am too emotionally detached (maybe anhedonic from drugs) to realize which is which anymore. i have constant mood swings, i shoplift impulsively (mostly cough syrup and energy drinks, nothing major), i have cut myself, burned myself, and the intention was not to hurt others as i kept it a secret until my mom and case worker became aware. i am also recovering from my substance abuse issues, involving needles and cocaine which led to a near OD (i couldn't type or speak yet my thoughts were going at a million miles an hour while my ears rang melodies) i woke up the next morning, sat there and [[edit: potential trigger]] enough to nearly die. whatever. i have self-destructive acts which isolate me from my relationships and what little friends i have, rarely i get into destructive moods where i just feel like smashing things (not public property)

recently i took a look at my notes from my shrink and i read borderline-narcissistic, yet my doctor says he sees no narcissistic tendencies in me. could be compensatory narcissistic i dunno.

but does anyone here have insight into males with BPD, i tried looking online and only got the answer that males with BPD are usually antisocial, which i really hope i am not. i have had breakdowns, two involving psychosis and also have one disturbance which cannot be explained by either neurology and psychology, it's like a combo of tourettes and one of the ocd fears where intrisive thoughts pop into my head when anxious and i usually end up making weird/disturbing subconcious noises and rarely saying things out loud, even more strange is that in the moments where these episodes happen, i have NO memory of it. my doctor (who is brilliant and am lucky to have) couldn't figure it out for the two years i've seen him.

i'd be a much happier person if this tourettes like psychosis wasn't holding me down from leaving my place or attending social events. benzos work well, as does alcohol though i don't drink much.

sorry for not realizing my suicide attempt might be "triggering" seeing as no one really cares... i did meantion there was [[edit: potential trigger]]

i thought this place was for a slice of reality or insight, not censorship of the truth of how bad things can get.

 

[Halo]

Abortive,

Please see my PM response.

 

[David Baxter PhD]

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