At the breaking point

[kelsischanging]

Tonight was the first night that I realized how bad my SI is...I had a bad day to begin with because I had forgotten to take my meds and so I took them late which made for a depressing morning at my internship...then I went to youth group tonight and my two friends were just being horrible so I left as quickly as social graces would allow, and got in my cry and just exploded....I was about twenty minutes from my house and I took a back way and I came up to these railroad tracks and I seriously considered just stopping my car on them and waiting for the train...I have never been that close to suicide...finally I found a drug store and stopped to pick up what I needed to cut....I usually have everything with me but I had changed purses right before I left and forgot it....this evening was so bad...i just can't take it anymore...I just want to spend the rest of the night cutting...

 

[Suzette]

Kels,

What was it that made you explode? Can you tell something about it...? What were your thoughts and feelings?

 

[kelsischanging]

Two of my best friends were being idiots and telling me stuff that they knew would piss me off about this other person that I hate...also i was kicked out of the band that I was in and I was so frustrated...also I was having like a panic attack from not being able to cut...so basically i was frustrated, mad, and anxious

 

[David Baxter PhD]

They don't sound much like "best friends" to me...

 

[kelsischanging]

They are my best friends...the more I am thinking about the situation...I mean it's probably my fault...I was probably just being over sensitive..I'm sure they weren't trying to intentionally hurt my feelings...I'm sure it was my fault...it usually is

 

[Sylvia]

you may have been a little oversensitive but that doesn't mean that you need to take responsibility for your friends actions. as hard as it may seems perhaps he needed to get out there and meet some people who are more genuine and more supportive. If you want to give the friends you have now another try then perhaps you should explain to them how you have been feeling lately so they can be supported and give you some space when you need it. Everyone's entitled to some alone time just as much as they are entitled to being comforted when they need it. I hope this helped you at least a little. I can identify it with some of the things that you have and I know how difficult it is to cope with life. Reach out to people and gather a support system for you to fall back on when you feel hopeless. Even though you may feel alone if you have a support system ultimately you won't be alone.

you ever want to vent to me to send me a message and I'll be there to support you... I wish you the best!

~ Sylvia

 

[Suzette]

Hi Kels,

How are you?

 

[Heather]

I know that this is late to come in but I was also wondering how you are? I am sory that you were feeling so yuk about what happened sometimes friends can be so insensitive and sometimes they just don't know they are doing it but they need to think about what they say and maybe you should tell them that they hurt you if you are up to it to try and avoid it happening again (unless you already have or don't feel up to it).

Heather...

 

[kelsischanging]

Heather,
Thank you so much for your post. I am doing better, and I was able to talk to one of my friends...also I talked to my therapist which helped. Thanks again for your post it meant a lot to me! Hope you are doing well too!
Kelsey

 

[Heather]

I am glad you are doing better.

Heather...