B.E.D

[swanson]

I've been trying so hard to get a grip on all of this. And for I while I thought I had it under control. I'm just so disgusted with myself. I know or I think I know what emotions lie behind this but I just don't know how to stop myself. I just want to be loved. I don't want there to be conditions atached and I want this feeling to stop. I hate this empty feeling, this feeling of not being good enough. I don't know what to do.

I am in a releationshio with a man who has tried to help me so much. He's been so patient and had to put up with so much. He helped me through my all time low when I just wanted to die. Now I don't want to die, I just want the emptyness to stop. I'm sure he loves me but he never displays any affection and its impossible to have a discussion with him. If we argue he walks away, and then comes back and pretends like nothing happend. I just want someone to take me in their amrs and love me, unconditionally, just the way I am....

 

[Diana]

First of all, it's really good that this man has tried to help you. Often, boyfriends have a hard time taking you completely seriously because they don't understand or they feel powerless to help you. It doesn't mean they don't love or care about you, but they just don't know how to face your problem. When you've tried to have a discussion with your partner, do you bring up the fact that you feel he's not showing you affection? Maybe he doesn't realize it? Maybe he's just been having a hard time with other things in his life? Sometimes it's hard to discuss stuff with your partner without arguing, but if you're feeling unloved that's a big issue that needs to be discussed. Tell him first that you don't want to argue and tell him how you feel. Have you ever pushed him away in the past, because you felt disgusting and didn't want him to touch you? I've done that before myself. Maybe that's had an affect on him. However, I'm not telling you to blame yourself. It sounds to me like you're doing a good job moving in the right direction with your feelings. You know that you need and deserve to be loved.

 

[swanson]

Yes we have discussed things... often. He's just not the overly affectionate type and he never pretended to be. He's told me that from the start and I know that it doesn't mean he doesn't love me. We've been together quite a while not (1 1/2 years) so I've just adapted. Its hard to explain... its not that I'm not happy in our releationship its just that I know he can't give me that. Its that feeling of unconditional love that most people experience as children from their parents. I never did. I guess I'm just looking for it and yet I know I can't ask someone else to try and fill that. It would not be possible. Any ideas as to where else I could find that?

 

[ThatLady]

If it's unconditional love you're seeking, a pet might be your answer. A cat or a dog will love you just for being you and for being "their person". If you're reasonably happy with your significant other but feel you need something more, you might try getting a pet. o)