Body memories

[amastie]

It is again reached early hours in the morning. I know that I have sabotaged myself from going to bed, yet I've spent my time relatively productively.

And now another question arisis for me, ont too big to be dealt with tonight/today.

I have yet to read the posts in here that I see might well help me in this quetion.

I have done a lot of healing work over what was done to me as a child, but I have discovered that I am holding onto anger toward my body - not because I willlingly involved myself in what was done to me, but because my owning a body implicated me in what happened. The logic goes "If I didn't have a body then...". Of course, I logically know it's silly yet, as a result of excellent work especially with my spiritual counselllor, I've come to feel a little of the anger which I feel toward my body. When I start to practise forgiveness exercises, talk to my abdomen in a loving way, I feel th resistance rising up in me to any such suggestion of caring or forgiveness.

Has anyone else experienced 'body memories' and managed to heal them in some way?

I've been googling the subject and finding some info. I'll get into it - and also into those information posts which I see at the start of this PTSD forum.

thought I'd ask in my final stand against giving my body what it needs at this time - rest.

I keep saying I'm off to bed and keep postpoining it, well my eyes are half closed. I can't propely read the screen and I thiink I've done some healing work for myself tonight to enable me finally to get that rest.

Good night,

amastie

 

[Daniel E.]

I have discovered that I am holding onto anger toward my body - not because I willlingly involved myself in what was done to me, but because my owning a body implicated me in what happened.

I do read that guilt is a common symptom of PTSD, and "guilt is anger directed at ourselves." Feeling guilty when there is no rational basis is something I have experienced with depression and anxiety.

BTW, in the case of PTSD, I think sensory flashbacks could easily coincide with other symptoms like the irrational feelings of guilt. (I would think most people would assume "body memories" in the context of PTSD could mean sensory flashbacks.)

 

[ladylore]

Hi Amastie,

I have dealt with body memories myself. I had a few thoughts when I read your post.

I have done a lot of healing work over what was done to me as a child, but I have discovered that I am holding onto anger toward my body - not because I willlingly involved myself in what was done to me, but because my owning a body implicated me in what happened.

You may want to try to reframe this. It feels like your blaming yourself and deliberately hanging on to the anger, which I don't believe you are. Yes, you are probably angry and that is ok because what happened to you wasn't ok.

When I started to feel forgiveness towards what happened to me - it literally came over me practically overnight, by itself. I did some major work around the abuse acknowledging how angry I was and expressing it in a safe setting. Forgiveness wasn't the goal - the goal was to get on with my life in a healthier way then what I was doing.

I have been in a few more spiritual organzations where forgiveness was the key with heavy beliefs about the laws of attraction. IMHO this isn't helpful as it is really blaming.

Your doing everything you can and sometimes there are rough patches. But they are not forever. Hope some of this helps - and I will get off my soap box now.

:hug:

 

[Halo]

:goodpost: Ladylore :2thumbs:

 

[ladylore]

Why thank you.

 

[Halo]

Your welcome

 

[amastie]

... Feeling guilty when there is no rational basis is something I have experienced with depression and anxiety.

Yes, me too.

I... BTW, in the case of PTSD, I think sensory flashbacks could easily coincide with other symptoms like the irrational feelings of guilt. (I would think most people would assume "body memories" in the context of PTSD could mean sensory flashbacks.)

I've had a lot of flashbacks that feel as if my body is reliving the experience. It's veyy frightening, even though my external environment is nothing like what it was at the time, though there always seems to be a trigger for them.

Thanks Daniel

amastie

 

[Halo]

If you have lots of flashbacks you may want to check out this thread Grounding Techniques - Psychlinks Psychology Self-Help & Mental Health Support Forum as it has lots of great techniques.

Another one that is helpful is Managing Flashbacks - Psychlinks Psychology Self-Help & Mental Health Support Forum

Actually most of the stickies in the PTSD section are really helpful.

 

[amastie]

Hi Amastie,

...It feels like your blaming yourself and deliberately hanging on to the anger, which I don't believe you are.....

No. Certainly not consciously.

.......Yes, you are probably angry and that is ok because what happened to you wasn't ok. ....

Actually, I'm hardly ever aware of feeling angry. I'm only just starting to get in touch wth my anger toward my body now. I think the eating, for one, is almost a way of expressing anger but it also blocks me from feeling it. But it's not the only way. Sometimes I have the feeling that if I were to let myself really be angry that it would flood me and I would be violent, and that scares me.

...... I did some major work around the abuse acknowledging how angry I was and expressing it in a safe setting. Forgiveness wasn't the goal - the goal was to get on with my life in a healthier way then what I was doing.

Yes, my goal is also to get on with my life, not to be stuck but I'm finding it hard to become unstuck. So far, the most helpful work I've done to get in touch with my anger (at all) is the work I'm doing with my spiritual counsellor. I'm not seeing her in order to forgive. That's not my purpose, though if it proves helpful at some point in letting go I won't discount that. My only purpose is to work through the fear - and the anger as much as I'm aware of it. Right now, it working through it means becoming more aware of it. I'm *very* aware of fear and guilt, just not the anger so much. When I think of those who hurt me, I don't feel angry with them. I can hardly ever remember feeling angry with them. It's as if I am not deserving of being angry. I recognize that feeling in me very much. I'm also aware that I take anger out on myself - although I don't cut, I eat in a particularly self-destructive way and am troubled with thoughts ("other people" inside) who oppress me all the time, so that I can't do simple things.

...I have been in a few more spiritual organzations where forgiveness was the key with heavy beliefs about the laws of attraction. IMHO this isn't helpful as it is really blaming.

I've been lucky in that's not been my experience at all. To me, that a more moralistic type of spirituality. I'm nor a moralist. For me, being spiritual means drawing on somethnig larger than me and, for all that I recognize that I have posted a few times in the last few days about my painful experience, I really do feel that my spiritual belief is where I draw my greatest strength. I wouldn't like to give the impression that I don't have resources that work for me. I do. I just wanted to know what other people find helpful as well. There's always something that I won't have thought of. Your words are, again, kind and loving and well-considered. You have givem me much to think about and I want to thank you for that (I also want to read some of the informative articles on this site posted by David and othes).

:hug:

amastie

If you have lots of flashbacks you may want to check out this thread Grounding Techniques - Psychlinks Psychology Self-Help & Mental Health Support Forum as it has lots of great techniques.

Another one that is helpful is Managing Flashbacks - Psychlinks Psychology Self-Help & Mental Health Support Forum

Actually most of the stickies in the PTSD section are really helpful.

Thanks Halo,
I'll check out these links

amastie