Borderline Beliefs

[David Baxter PhD]

Borderline Beliefs
Florida Borderline Personality Disorder Association
November 9, 2008

Persons diagnosed with BPD are frequently subject to reels or tapes of information about themselves that endlessly re-play in their mind. These beliefs are usually centered around themes of self-hatred, victimization, and a fear of rejection.

OneLifeWorthLiving has compiled a list of these thoughts and assumptions from The Personality Disorder Beliefs Questionnaire.

They include:

1. I will always be alone.
2. There is no one who really cares about me, who will be available to help me, and whom I can fall back on.
3. If others really get to know me, they will find me rejectable and will not be able to love me; and they will leave me.
4. I can?t manage by myself, I need someone I can fall back on.
5. I have to adapt my needs to other people?s wishes, otherwise they will leave me or attack me.
6. I have no control of myself.
7. I can?t discipline myself.
8. I don?t really know what I want.
9. I need to have complete control of my feelings otherwise things go completely wrong.
10. I am an evil person and I need to be punished for it.
11. If someone fails to keep a promise, that person can no longer be trusted.
12. I will never get what I want.
13. If I trust someone, I run a great risk of getting hurt or disappointed.
14. My feelings and opinions are unfounded.
15. If you comply with someone?s request, you run the risk of losing yourself.
16. If you refuse someone?s request, you run the risk of losing that person.
17. Other people are evil and abuse you.
18. I?m powerless and vulnerable and I can?t protect myself.
19. If other people really get to know me they will find me rejectable.
20. Other people are not willing or helpful.

Which of these assumptions are you, your loved one, family member, or patient ?buying into? today? Would it be helpful to print this list and ask a loved one to identify which of the beliefs they can identify with?

Let?s say that a family member can identify with ?I am an evil person and I need to be punished for it.? What is your next step? It is inappropriate to dismiss the belief and say, ?Oh, that?s ridiculous. You?re a good person and you don?t need to be punished.? Instead, try the communication suggestions here and ask open questions in an attempt to truly understand your loved one. Examples might include:

• Why do you feel like you are an evil person?
• How often do you feel this way?
• What happened to trigger this emotion?
• What is the best way for me to help you when you think that you need to be punished?

It?s important to remember that closely held beliefs about one?s self (even in someone who does not have borderline personality disorder) do not simply go away on their own or through admonishments or attempts to censure. Genuine empathy and comprehension?although frequently difficult?can go far in building bridges of communication and trust.

 

[ladylore]

I was diagnosed with PTSD but I once held all of those beliefs. What helped was CBT, validation and a counselling relationship that built upon my strengths. Of course support and a few other therapy techniques helped too, but these are the main ones.