Dragonfall
Member
Hey! I'm new here, and I have a really big question on my mind.
My boyfriend isn't quite yet of age to be diagnosed professionally, and he says he'd rather not be. He claims he could have ASPD, but I have to disagree.
Anyway, I have very recently found out that he has a history of ADD (never on medications, I don't think) a learning disorder and maybe some abuse. We've been dating for over a year and a half, and we're honestly in a fantastic relationship. He has difficulty trusting people. I know that websites say that it's best to run away if you get into this type of relationship, but I just can't.
1. Failure to conform to social norms with respect to lawful behaviors as indicated by repeatedly performing acts that are grounds for arrest;
He lights things on fire. Usually things lying on the ground, but not arson. Apart from that, no. As a younger child, he got in trouble for speaking out against teachers. He's never had any run-ins with the law. He doesn't like being controlled by anyone.
2. Deceitfulness, as indicated by repeatedly lying, use of aliases, or conning others for personal profit or pleasure;
Yes. He says he's easily bored and likes to use people (namely one friend) to get ahead. I see one flaw in this, because the friend he uses will do anything to anger people. This friend lives off the joy from making others angry. He says he's a great liar but claims that it's harder to lie to those his age.
3. Impulsivity or failure to plan ahead;
No. He's a careful planner and likes to calculate plans before executing them. If he really wants something, he'll plan his entire scheme out before doing anything. He says he's slightly careless with his money when it comes to buying food, but that's all. To me, he's a good saver. He has plans to go to college, and has planned out some of his life already.
4. Irritability and aggressiveness, as indicated by repeated physical fights or assaults;
Not at all aggressive. He's extremely quiet and tends to keep to himself and his small group of friends. He doesn't have many friends outside that group, but he's known his friends for years. He's said to me before that he really enjoys being alone, and doesn't like talking to people. He claims he's irritable, but I rarely see it. Only when we're around large crowds of people in a building.
5. Reckless disregard for safety of self or others;
None other than being a bit of a pyromaniac, as I said at the top.
6. Consistent irresponsibility, as indicated by repeated failure to sustain consistent work behavior or honor financial obligations;
No. We've been together for over a year and a half and I've known him for 3. He's had his job for more than a year now, and says he really enjoys it because it's never boring and it keeps him on his feet. He doesn't have timeliness issues, but says he's not great with organization. He doesn't really have money issues and has a really good sense of finances. He's not at all sexually promiscuous. If he was, I'd be really surprised. He's fearful of talking to people he doesn't know. We were shopping the other week, and he didn't want to ask for help with something locked up. He also goes to classes regularly.
7. Lack of remorse, as indicated by being indifferent to or rationalizing having hurt, mistreated, or stolen from another.
Yes. He says he can't feel guilt or empathy, and can come up with a clear rationale for murder or rape. I don't know about stealing, but I don't think so. He doesn't hurt or abuse me, not even emotionally. He doesn't blame me for anything. He's really caring, and we seem to have a normal enough relationship. We can talk about anything without getting uncomfortable.
Other things?
He's not superficially charming. He says he had a history of conduct disorders, but they're not documented and seem more like ADD-related problems to me. He says he can't tolerate boredom, and I know he gets slightly impatient. His temper is completely normal. I don't see any sort of narcissism. He's never actually hurt me.
I'm probably not the best person to diagnose him because I do love him, but he's asked for my opinion and this is how I feel. We've sat and talked about this for hours, and this is a combination of both our answers.
Any other opinions?
Thanks everyone!
My boyfriend isn't quite yet of age to be diagnosed professionally, and he says he'd rather not be. He claims he could have ASPD, but I have to disagree.
Anyway, I have very recently found out that he has a history of ADD (never on medications, I don't think) a learning disorder and maybe some abuse. We've been dating for over a year and a half, and we're honestly in a fantastic relationship. He has difficulty trusting people. I know that websites say that it's best to run away if you get into this type of relationship, but I just can't.
1. Failure to conform to social norms with respect to lawful behaviors as indicated by repeatedly performing acts that are grounds for arrest;
He lights things on fire. Usually things lying on the ground, but not arson. Apart from that, no. As a younger child, he got in trouble for speaking out against teachers. He's never had any run-ins with the law. He doesn't like being controlled by anyone.
2. Deceitfulness, as indicated by repeatedly lying, use of aliases, or conning others for personal profit or pleasure;
Yes. He says he's easily bored and likes to use people (namely one friend) to get ahead. I see one flaw in this, because the friend he uses will do anything to anger people. This friend lives off the joy from making others angry. He says he's a great liar but claims that it's harder to lie to those his age.
3. Impulsivity or failure to plan ahead;
No. He's a careful planner and likes to calculate plans before executing them. If he really wants something, he'll plan his entire scheme out before doing anything. He says he's slightly careless with his money when it comes to buying food, but that's all. To me, he's a good saver. He has plans to go to college, and has planned out some of his life already.
4. Irritability and aggressiveness, as indicated by repeated physical fights or assaults;
Not at all aggressive. He's extremely quiet and tends to keep to himself and his small group of friends. He doesn't have many friends outside that group, but he's known his friends for years. He's said to me before that he really enjoys being alone, and doesn't like talking to people. He claims he's irritable, but I rarely see it. Only when we're around large crowds of people in a building.
5. Reckless disregard for safety of self or others;
None other than being a bit of a pyromaniac, as I said at the top.
6. Consistent irresponsibility, as indicated by repeated failure to sustain consistent work behavior or honor financial obligations;
No. We've been together for over a year and a half and I've known him for 3. He's had his job for more than a year now, and says he really enjoys it because it's never boring and it keeps him on his feet. He doesn't have timeliness issues, but says he's not great with organization. He doesn't really have money issues and has a really good sense of finances. He's not at all sexually promiscuous. If he was, I'd be really surprised. He's fearful of talking to people he doesn't know. We were shopping the other week, and he didn't want to ask for help with something locked up. He also goes to classes regularly.
7. Lack of remorse, as indicated by being indifferent to or rationalizing having hurt, mistreated, or stolen from another.
Yes. He says he can't feel guilt or empathy, and can come up with a clear rationale for murder or rape. I don't know about stealing, but I don't think so. He doesn't hurt or abuse me, not even emotionally. He doesn't blame me for anything. He's really caring, and we seem to have a normal enough relationship. We can talk about anything without getting uncomfortable.
Other things?
He's not superficially charming. He says he had a history of conduct disorders, but they're not documented and seem more like ADD-related problems to me. He says he can't tolerate boredom, and I know he gets slightly impatient. His temper is completely normal. I don't see any sort of narcissism. He's never actually hurt me.
I'm probably not the best person to diagnose him because I do love him, but he's asked for my opinion and this is how I feel. We've sat and talked about this for hours, and this is a combination of both our answers.
Any other opinions?
Thanks everyone!
