My boyfriend is a very empathetic and intelligent guy, but he definitely has some anxiety issues that manifest themselves into compulsive behaviour. For instance, he?s very into collecting (and not necessarily playing) old Nintendo games and loves searching on second hand sites to collect them all. He does this or checks hockey stats for hours at a time, when he has other goals he wants to accomplish (like getting better at graphic design, which is his field of work). Then he feels frustrated. The other thing is that he may do this kind of thing for hours, feel like he wasted a day, and then get all kinds of energy at night in which he?ll fix doors, change the cat litter, install something in the shower, do anything until 4 in the morning. I?ve had to come out more than once and explain that he can?t hammer at night because people in the apartment are trying to sleep. Basically, he busies himself or works until he passes out on the couch. This means he?s often late for work because he gets so little sleep, and sleeps in until 1 or later on weekends. This is frustrating for me since I go to bed at 10:30, and on the weekends, wake up at 8. It takes him a LONG time to get ready, so sometimes we can?t get anything started until 3 in the day.
As you can imagine, this is pretty frustrating for me, but I know he?s been living like this for years before he lived with me, and it?s a hard habit to break. It wasn?t that evident when we weren?t living together, but it is now. He procrastinates quite a bit and then seems to need the pressure of time to get the stuff done. I have told him that if he?s scared of forgetting, to make a list of what he wants to do, and just go to bed and do it tomorrow instead of staying up, but he seems incapable of doing that. When he fixes on something, he has to do it NOW.
He wants to change that but says he feels like he keeps doing it because the night is his time. That if he gets to sleep it?ll be like saying he cares about his job (I know he?s not completely happy at it because of his co-workers), or his days will seem like all work. But he?s been going so long on sometimes 4 hours of sleep a night or less. I don?t know how he does it without being exhausted.
It?s important to note that his mother died during a hospital accident a few years ago and he still hasn?t gone to grief counselling. He takes a lot of responsibility for keeping his dad from being sad as well. The slightest reminder still makes him cry. He has a lot of anxiety and can go through periods of mild paranoia, for instance, not liking to open the curtains much because he thinks people are trying to ?peep? at me or will become obessed with me. A lot of this, he says, comes from feeling like people are going to take away the ones he loves. I know he has unresolved anger from his mother?s death towards the people at the hospital because there was never any apology, and anyone who has characteristics like his adopted brother (ie. coworkers, etc), who he feels never apologized for giving his mother grief when she was alive. But he keeps putting off getting grief counselling. Or ANY counselling which I think he needs.
Any thoughts?
As you can imagine, this is pretty frustrating for me, but I know he?s been living like this for years before he lived with me, and it?s a hard habit to break. It wasn?t that evident when we weren?t living together, but it is now. He procrastinates quite a bit and then seems to need the pressure of time to get the stuff done. I have told him that if he?s scared of forgetting, to make a list of what he wants to do, and just go to bed and do it tomorrow instead of staying up, but he seems incapable of doing that. When he fixes on something, he has to do it NOW.
He wants to change that but says he feels like he keeps doing it because the night is his time. That if he gets to sleep it?ll be like saying he cares about his job (I know he?s not completely happy at it because of his co-workers), or his days will seem like all work. But he?s been going so long on sometimes 4 hours of sleep a night or less. I don?t know how he does it without being exhausted.
It?s important to note that his mother died during a hospital accident a few years ago and he still hasn?t gone to grief counselling. He takes a lot of responsibility for keeping his dad from being sad as well. The slightest reminder still makes him cry. He has a lot of anxiety and can go through periods of mild paranoia, for instance, not liking to open the curtains much because he thinks people are trying to ?peep? at me or will become obessed with me. A lot of this, he says, comes from feeling like people are going to take away the ones he loves. I know he has unresolved anger from his mother?s death towards the people at the hospital because there was never any apology, and anyone who has characteristics like his adopted brother (ie. coworkers, etc), who he feels never apologized for giving his mother grief when she was alive. But he keeps putting off getting grief counselling. Or ANY counselling which I think he needs.
Any thoughts?
