Boyology: A Teen Girls' Crash Course in All Things Boys

[David Baxter PhD]

Boyology: A Teen Girls' Crash Course in All Things Boys
by Dr. Michele Borba
June 2, 2009

Let's face it, most parents are traumatized by the idea of dating and teens. That's why I love Sarah O'Leary Burningham's great new book, Boyology: A Teen Girls' Crash Course in All Things Boys.

Though written as a crash course for girls about dating, it's a great source to help parents understand that dating can be unsettling for teens, too. The book is filled with stories from real teen stories across the country, and gives parents an insider's look at what their teens are experiencing and thinking.

It also will help parents get back in to the teen frame of mind, so they can remember how they felt about their first crush or getting dumped, and better relate to what their kids are going through.

Here a few take aways from Boyology:

• Don't encourage pairing up too soon. A safer approach is to ease your teen into the dating scene by first sticking with groups (which is "in" these days - yes!). So open your home so teens have safe turf. You'll get to know your daughter's friends and boyfriends, and keep an eye on things. It's ok to check every once in a while but there's a fine line between being there and actually hanging out with the kids.
  
  
• Insist on a meet and greet. Once your teen is dating do insist on personally meeting each first date and ideally in your home. Though most parents-especially dads-would like to curtail dating until around 35 the average age is 15 or 16 though many start dating as young as 13 or 14. The actual age isn't the issue: a teen's maturity level and self-esteem (especially a girls) matter more.
  
  
• Talk R-E-S-P-E-C-T. Discuss appropriate dating behavior and how dates should treat each other.
  
  
• Set a curfew that must be followed. A brief one-liner in front of the date is sufficient. You should talk about curfew BEFORE he comes to get her and then all you have to do is tell him "Kelly's planning to be home at 11." And if it's a special date or the prom, consider extending the curfew (trustworthy teens need a few perks!)
  
  
• Stress that No means NO! Most important do stress in your daughter that NO means NO! Then review when and where they are going with the date. This is the one time to let your kid borrow a cell phone for "just in case" scenarios.
  
  
• Be her excuse. A lot of the teenagers I interviewed used their parents as excuses to get out of uncomfortable situations, from just wanting to go home to having a weird feeling.
  
  
• Be there when she gets home. Your teenager counts on you. She might not act like it all the time, but she does.
  
  
• Know your influence. Don't underestimate how much your opinion about sex matters. Studies show that daughters whose moms talk with them about sex and express disapproval over their teen's having sex are much less likely to have sex than peers. So TALK! (and talk and talk).