Bullying - Part 2: The Bully

[David Baxter PhD]

If Your Child Is The Bully
March 26, 2003

If Your Child Is The Bully
If your child is accused of being a bully or you see that he is bullying others, take it seriously. At first you may be defensive and want to deny the problem, but remember that bullying during childhood can lead to lifelong problems, and now is the time when you can help to change your child's behavior. Talk with your child and gather information about what has happened. Do not blame your child for the behavior. Instead, try to determine why it may be happening. For example, some children experience verbal or physical abuse from another child, parent or sibling, and then pass this on to the next victim.

Try the following suggestions to help your child stop bullying other children:

1. Stress that you will not tolerate bullying. Make sure your child knows that bullying is never acceptable, and help him understand how bullying hurts other children. Set firm and definite limits for this behavior and respond to bullying incidents with negative consequences, such as loss of time spent with others.
2. Teach alternative approaches. Help your child develop constructive strategies for getting what he wants. Teach and practice negotiating skills and nonviolent problem solving. Practice the new behaviors with your child.
3. Be a positive role model. Children can learn how to treat others with respect and kindness. Model good behavior and show your children how they can get what they want without teasing, threatening or attacking.
4. Supervise your child more closely. Stay nearby as much as possible when your child is playing with others. Encourage your child's participation in supervised extracurricular activities such as sports, music or scouts. These activities will help your child develop skills and interests, while also serving as a socially acceptable outlet for excess energy or aggressive behavior.
5. Consult a school psychologist. A mental-health professional can help your child understand the triggers for his bullying behavior and can help your child learn different ways to handle these problems.

...more of this article

 

[Nielsen]

Re: If Your Child Is The Bully

Talk with your child and gather information about what has happened...

Bullying is a well known symptom of a variety of genetic defects such as ODD, and CD, just to mention a few. It is associated with hormonal disorders causing behavioral and intellectual deficiencies, and in males ofen also exagerated physiologic growth.

Obviously therefor; talk won't make any difference! - What the "bully" needs is medical treatment.

However, it is also important that parents of "bullies" be made aware not to blame themselves! You didn't do anything wrong for your child to turn out like this. Your child simply has a fysiological desease, like eg. asthma or diabetes. It is not your fault.

 

[David Baxter PhD]

Re: If Your Child Is The Bully

Bullying is a well known symptom of a variety of genetic defects such as ODD, and CD, just to mention a few. It is associated with hormonal disorders causing behavioral and intellectual deficiencies, and in males often also exaggerated physiologic growth.

Obviously therefore talk won't make any difference! - What the "bully" needs is medical treatment.

I have to disagree with you here, Nielsen. Bullying is not a genetic or hormonal or "physiological disease" - it is a behavior problem - as is ODD (Oppositional-Defiant Disorder) and CD (Conduct Disorder), although it is true that in some cases certain temperament or cognitive traits or deficits may promote the development of those disorders:

Diagnostic criteria for 313.81 Oppositional Defiant Disorder
A. A pattern of negativistic, hostile, and defiant behavior lasting at least 6 months, during which four (or more) of the following are present:
(1) often loses temper
(2) often argues with adults
(3) often actively defies or refuses to comply with adults' requests or rules
(4) often deliberately annoys people
(5) often blames others for his or her mistakes or misbehavior
(6) is often touchy or easily annoyed by others
(7) is often angry and resentful
(8) is often spiteful or vindictive
Note: Consider a criterion met only if the behavior occurs more frequently than is typically observed in individuals of comparable age and developmental level.

B. The disturbance in behavior causes clinically significant impairment in social, academic, or occupational functioning.

C. The behaviors do not occur exclusively during the course of a Psychotic or Mood Disorder.

Diagnostic criteria for 312.8 Conduct Disorder
A. A repetitive and persistent pattern of behavior in which the basic rights of others or major age-appropriate societal norms or rules are violated, as manifested by the presence of three (or more) of the following criteria in the past 12 months, with at least one criterion present in the past 6 months:

Aggression to people and animals
(1) often bullies, threatens, or intimidates others
(2) often initiates physical fights
(3) has used a weapon that can cause serious physical harm to others (e.g., abat, brick, broken bottle, knife, gun)
(4) has been physically cruel to people
(5) has been physically cruel to animals
(6) has stolen while confronting a victim (e.g., mugging, purse snatching, extortion, armed robbery)
(7) has forced someone into sexual activity

Destruction of property
(8) has deliberately engaged in fire setting with the intention of causing serious damage
(9) has deliberately destroyed others' property (other than by fire setting)

Deceitfulness or theft
(10) has broken into someone else's house, building, or car
(11) often lies to obtain goods or favors or to avoid obligations (i.e., "cons" others)
(12) has stolen items of nontrivial value without confronting a victim (e.g., shoplifting, but without breaking and entering; forgery)

Serious violations of rules
(13) often stays out at night despite parental prohibitions, beginning before age 13 years
(14) has run away from home overnight at least twice while living in parental or parental surrogate home (or once without returning for a lengthy period)
(15) is often truant from school, beginning before age 13 years

B. The disturbance in behavior causes clinically significant impairment in social, academic, or occupational functioning.

On the other hand, I would agree with most of the following:

However, it is also important that parents of "bullies" be made aware not to blame themselves! You didn't do anything wrong for your child to turn out like this. It is not your fault.

It really isn't a questionj of "blame" or "fault" - it's more one of what can be done about the problem? And the reality is that quite a bit can be done once the adults around the child or teen recognize the problem and seek counselling for the bully (which often will include family counselling and addressing the issue of clear limits and consequences).