Burned

[kelsischanging]

so good news and bad news.... last week I got rid of everything I was using to cut with.... so that was good... but then Sunday night when I went to a new low...as far as self injury goes i have always stuck to cutting then Sunday I wanted to cut but had gotten rid of all my stuff and didn't feel like using anything else so I <edit: burned> my left wrist... I had no idea what would happen but I wasn't prepared for the effects... after it happened my parents were 45 minutes away I called them and said I got burned cooking (which I was cooking)...when they did get home I had to go to the ER... ever since then I have stuck to my got burned while cooking story...plus I'm a recovering coke addict but I did the right thing and got a non narcotic pain shot but they gave me Tylenol with codeine but I didn't even take that I went through hours of no sleep and yesterday got a non narcotic pain reliever from the doctor... I'm going nuts keeping this secret that I did this to myself but yet this is to serious to tell any one with out serious repercusions... like going inpatient for a few days... I'm a senior in high school and I graduate soon and I can't have anything mess that up.... I don't know what to do... I feel like crap... and am in a lot of emotional and physical pain...

<Admin note: please refrain from posting graphic details, per the Psychlinks Forum Rules>

 

[Cat Dancer]

Re: burned

So sorry, kels. I've had lots of slip-ups and set backs in my journey to stop injuring myself. It's always frustrating and painful. Try to be easy on yourself.

Also, not telling about it is far more damaging to you than what might happen if you tell someone. You really do need to talk to your counselor about this.

I know how very much it hurts.

 

[Holly]

Re: burned

Dear kells,
It was a good idea to get rid of everything you use to cut with, that is a good start, maybe you could write you parents a note, about the burn.
I can not image the pain your experiencing, if you let someone know it may help!
Take care of you OK!
I wish you all the best, it is a difficult secret to keep from your family.

 

[ThatLady]

Re: burned

Kels, hon, the time has come to tell the truth, at least to your counsellor. You did your very best to control your impulse to self-injure. Unfortunately, it didn't work as you'd hoped. That's not a failure, luv. That's just a set-back. The way to get by set-backs is to enlist the help of those around you. Tell the truth, Kels. There's nothing shameful in this. It's about illness, not shame.

Big hugs, and big hopes for you.

 

[Mia713]

Re: burned

I'm sorry Kels about everything you've been through. It sounds like to me you are headed in the right direction since you got rid of your cutting tools. I agree with ThatLady though that you should atleast tell your therapist about this. It might help to get it off your chest. I hope your feeling better soon.

 

[Meg]

Hi Kels,

It's great that you got rid of the things you used to cut yourself with, that is a big step. It is also really important to think ahead to what you will do instead of cutting when the urge comes back, though. Have you had a think about other things that you could do to cope instead? I know that stopping self injury can be really hard and you deserve to have plenty of support. Your therapist can't help you with things you don't tell him/her about, so it would be a good idea to let him/her know how much it all hurts at the moment.

It sounds like things are pretty hard right now I hope that they pick up soon.

Meg

 

[kelsischanging]

Last night I shared at my NA meeting and people were very supportive...my sponsor said I needed to tell my therapist about what I did...I'm so scared....do you think he'll want me to go inpatient ...I mean I am doing a lot better since that incident happened...I really can't go inpatient right now...I mean I graduate really soon...do you think he'll make me go inpatient ...just want your opinion....did feel good to let someone know that truth (outside of here I mean)...with all the lying I was doing about how I got the burns I think I was starting to believe it myself...I would be like, "maybe it was an accident" but I know it wasn't...the results were...I really didn't think it would be as bad as it is....I just need courage right now....I can't go inpatient....

 

[Rosa]

I'm sorry to hear your going thru so much right now. I don't know if your therapist will want you to go inpatient or not, perhaps you can explain to them your concerns. Either way, I'm sure they will want whats best for you.
I wish you well and I'm glad you were able to talk about it. '
Rosa

 

[kelsischanging]

so I did it....my sponsor told me I needed to tell my therapist that I had burned myself...it took att the courage I had but I did tell him...well I made him kinda guess but I gave him big hints...anyway obviously I'm typing this so I'm not inpatient...I ended up having probably the most important session of my life...let's just say I told him things that litterally left him speechless (in a good way)...anyway I just hope that I am able to continue to talk to him and have sessions like yesterdays because I know that is the only way I will cotinue to heal and manage my mental illnessl...this also taught me that telling the tuth does bring good things even if some pain comes along with it...anyway that's where I am...still struggling but doing better now...right now I just need patience for my arm to heal...thanks for all the support

 

[Cat Dancer]

That's really good , kels.

 

[Halo]

Kels,

Glad to hear that you are taking care of yourself and opening up to your therapist. It is great when you finally open up and let things out.

Congratulations for taking a great leap forward in your life.

Take Care
Nancy

 

[foghlaim]

well done kels. that took a lot of courage.


best wishes.
nsa

 

[Meg]

Good for you for telling your therapist Kels, it's a hard thing to do :goodjob:

I'm so glad that things worked out well in terms of you having a good session. Sometimes it's when you let yourself be most vulnerable that you make the most progress.

Meg

 

[ThatLady]

Good on ya, kels! I'm so glad you talked to your therapist about what happened, hon.

 

[kelsischanging]

I'm not sure what's wrong with me...ok so I told my therapist and yeah I had a great session and yeah all is well...I felt good that I got my secret out but now I'm like scamming another way to do something, self-injure, use what ever so I will have this new secret...I think it comes down to two things....I like having the control of a secret and I have total major control issues and also I love manipulating people in my life...I know that sounds horrible but that was a big part of my addiction...perceived control and manipulation....these thoughts get so compulsive and I start obsessing and then I start scamming ways to get what I want...this is my cycle of addiction....i feel lost and a little hopeless...ok well just needed to get that out of my head for just a minute...yeah the thoughts were gone for a minute, now they're back...i know i need to talk to my sponsor and therapist about this but what do i do till then...any suggestions would be great...thanks for your support...kels

 

[ThatLady]

You're doing one thing you can do, kels. You're here, talking to us about what you feel.

What you say doesn't sound horrible, hon. It just sounds like a person who is ill and wants to get better, to me. It sounds sad, and sorry, and wishing it could be different. I feel your pain through your words, and I wish I could just wave a magic wand and fix it. Unfortunately, I ain't gots no magic wand! It's going to take time, luv, and lots of work in therapy, and a committment from you to do the very best you can. That's the most anybody can give.

You've come a long way. Give yourself credit for that. Also, realize it proves you CAN go the rest of the way. The self-injury and manipulation have become habitual behaviors for you. That's how you've coped. You've got to learn new ways to cope, and that doesn't happen overnight. The good news is, you're working hard at it. You've got us. You've got the boards to give you suggestions that have worked for others who self-injure. Distractions, taking a walk, writing out what you feel...all those are possibilities you can try, not to mention all the other ideas people here have shared.

Just hang in there and keep talking. We're here to listen, and to help when we can. I'm not a self-injurer but I do care. I want to help, even if I don't always have a good answer because I don't walk in your moccasins, so to speak.

Hugs, kel!

 

[kelsischanging]

thanks so much That Lady...just reading your post made me want to keep going forward one day and one step at a time...sometimes I just tell myself "just keep putting one foot infront of the other and I can walk through this valley and up the mountain again"...anyway thanks again for your kind and encouraging words...kels

 

[foghlaim]

Kels: i think about SI all the time, and when i find the urge really strong, i come on here and read everything i can till the urge passes.. other times if i can't come here i say i will do it later and then maybe one of my "kids" will distract me or something else happens in the meantime. sometimes not very often i phone one of my sisters for idle chat and that works too, sometimes.

hang in the Kels, you are not alone.

nsa

 

[kelsischanging]

Just wanted to let everyone know that I'm doing alot better...my burn is healing really well...and I have not really had the urge to cut in a while...I'm leaving for the beach tomorrow and I just graduated high school on thursday :yahoo:...anyway thanks for all the encouragment and support as I went through this time

 

[Meg]

It's great to hear that you're doing better, and that your burn is healing well. 👏

Congratulations on graduating from high school!! :goodjob:

Have a wonderful time at the beach, I hope it's lots of fun

Meg