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    "You are much deeper, much broader, much brighter than any idea you could have of yourself."
    Harry Palmer, posted by Daniel

texasgirl

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I went to my doctor again today and he changed my antidepressant to Cymbalta. Never taken it before but at this point I will do whatever. I haven't slept in weeks for more than 3 hours a night. Trying to go to work, still have to look away from people so that they can't see what's going on in my head. I am taking the Risperadol, Klonopin and now will be on the Cymbalta. Maybe they can get all this straight. Suicide is on my mind most of the time now mainly because I don't have any feelings one way or another about it. Basically just trying to hang on. Thank God for this forum; it is definitely a home away from home. I am tired of walking around my kitchen counting the tiles. This is really like a waking nightmare. I have not been in this shape for years. I am trying to maintain so that I can move on to my new job and also we have to move houses. All of my past history is free floating in my head and I grab on to things as they float by.

I know this is rambling but I am in bad shape. My doctor doesn't want me to be alone so my poor husband is up trying to make sure that I am ok. I don't deserve him.

TG
 

foghlaim

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Tg, i'm here and i'm listening, i'm really sorry things are so rough.. you have so much going on all at the same time.. tis no wonder you can't sleep!. I hope the new med helps.. (prob take a cpl of days to kick in tho.:()
I'm so glad you have a brill hubby to support you and Yes this Forum is the best!! You are not alone at anytime on here.. ((hug))
please do continue to post and get whatever enters you head out there\here .. it does help,. you are a fighter and I can see you are fighting this really hard. Hang in there Tg.. between us, your hubby, & doc... and us here, you will get thru this period. ( you did before and you can again) hang on to that thought okay.
 

texasgirl

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I can't tell you how much I appreciate all of you and thank you for being there right now! I remember once when I was in the hospital walking the floors night after night counting the tiles over and over step by step. I am exhausted but my mind won't shut off. It's like being tortured except it's me doing it to me. And the fear is overwhelming. Thanks for listening to me ramble on....

TG :hug:
 

foghlaim

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There are many of us here who i'm sure can relate to counting the tiles or the cracks in the ceiling. and it is torture in it's own right!! but it's a symptom of where you are and you are under so much pressure!! you are not causing it!! to me i think, maybe its your mind looking for a release of all that is going on,,, I hope when the new meds kick in,, and things at work settle a bit..(put that into hr hands as has been suggested), the racing thoughts will slow down some. you know there is another thread on here about racing thoughts... i know some of us here had similar experiences.. I'll have a look and see if i can find it.. it was a while ago..
 

sister-ray

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I can relate too have had many nights like your having, walking around my flat cant relax or rest or sit still, images flitting in and out my mind, body tingling like you have had too much coffee, and the fear inside makes you feel so sick, Ihope your new meds work sending positives that things improve and hugs too:hug: :hug:
 

texasgirl

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TTE,

Exactly like what you describe. Thank you for your kind words of support, too. I was able to lie down for a bit before I have to leave for work.

hugs to you both.

TG
 
Joined
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Oh, I am so sorry. :( I hope you can start to feel better soon. I can relate.

:hug: :hug:
 

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