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Lost

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I was just forcing myself to swallow a tablet, (a very very rare occasion for me) and I had a thought!

I recently discovered that I am a very anxious person. And I started connecting certain events in my life. Like: maybe I could never swallow a tablet - and I only can now, with tremendous difficulty - because of my anxiety! I know it's all in my mind... It's that I can't bear the thought of allowing something to slip down my throat unchewed! I know that people have told me that if you just put the tablet near the back of your tongue, and knock your head back when drinking - that you don't even FEEL it. Yet every time without fail it's a huge struggle for me to just let it pass, and I make it much worse by not putting it at the back of my tongue and I can't tilt my head back when swallowing (it's far too scary...), and so then I feel the tablet, and it feels like it gets stuck, and then I try and bring it back up etc and it's just one awful experience...

Maybe that's why as a little girl, I was the last child to actually let go of the side of the swimming pool and start swimming without any help. I also took forever until I could just jump into the pool like everyone else, instead of gingerly climbing down the steps.

I also tried wearing contact lenses at one point - and the optician really thought I was crazy -but as hard as I tried - I just could not put my finger in my eye. From his whole attitude it was clear that although he's very experienced - he'd never come across someone like me before... I was there for around 30 minutes, trying all that time to do it. He also tried doing it. He was getting really impatient. It was a disastrous and awful experience.

...
I seem to have severe difficulty - much more than average - when it comes to having foreign substances intruding into my body. Until now I just thought, "I'm just like that - very closed by nature, and closed literally in my physical body too..." But it just occured to me that all this could be triggered by my anxiety... ?

(I just thought of another case of not being able to bear a physical intrusion - this is one which I can't be too explicit about... ... !!! - but again, it took me about 2 years to relax and allow ...umm... the... intrusion to ... intrude...!)

Can anyone else here relate to that?
 

Peanut

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Hey Lost,

I can relate to some of the examples you give. It probably does have a lot to do with anxiety...but maybe the answer to your aversions lies in the last part of your post, regarding it taking two years to..ahem..allow the invasion. It sounds like it took a lot of patience and work but eventually you were able to feel better about that type of invasion. I was thinking this too, because I can relate to your contact lens problem. I too could not imagine having someone put their finger in my eye, or touching my own eye. The thought seemed unbearable. But anyway, you said you tried for a half an hour, well it took me about 1 1/2 hours the first time to get them in, and about an hour each time I put them in for several weeks. Gradually it took me less and less time and now it only takes a few seconds. My point is, maybe it just depends on if you want something bad enough to practice it a lot, even if it is not comfortable. I bet if you choked down a pill (vitamin or whatever) every day that, gradually you would get better and better at it and someday you would no longer have to choke it down. Just like when you eventually jumped in the swimming pool. :)
 

Lost

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Messages
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Yep... very true!
Practise does help.

With the lenses (like with everything else!) it was the CONCEPT that I'm putting something in my eye!!!! I just couldn't bear it! And I can't bear seeing other people fiddling with their lenses either... thankfully that isn't exactly an every day occurence!
 

Peanut

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Yes I understand--it is the concept that is scary because it doesn't actually hurt to put them in your eyes (or swallow pills like you were talking about). I guess it just depends on how much you want something...if you want it enough to go through the discomfort of overcoming the fear or not.
 

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