Conclusion of Therapy and Gift Giving

[ladylore]

I have a general question.

Is it appropriate to give a gift/card to a therapist at the close of therapy? I am not talking about a therapy session but the ending of therapy with that particular therapist.

 

[Banned]

Hi Robyn,

I think it's different for every therapist. Some will accept gifts and some won't. My therapist does, but I think she is the exception not the norm.

You could probably ask her if she would mind you got her a small token of appreciation for your last session. If you do decide to get her something, I would keep it small (not expensive) and simple.

I sometimes get my therapist a small gift when I'm on holidays; when I went to the Bahamas I brought her back some salt water taffy because I know she LOVES it...we made a bet on something once and I lost so I got her some nice gourmet cookies. We buy each other Starbucks...but nothing elaborate or expensive...

This thread also discusses giving a therapist gifts: http://forum.psychlinks.ca/showthread.php?t=14630

(Sorry I don't know how to close hyperlink into words...I'm technologically inept).

 

[Daniel E.]

Personally, I've never even considered it, especially since I may have to go back to therapy

A card certainly sounds easier for a therapist to deal with. They can just look at it and maybe stick it in the chart for later viewing

Anyway, I found this interesting:

Here's a good gift for the therapist: tell her what gift you wanted to give and why. You might think it's cruel, but it actually gives the therapist what they're looking for - insight into what she means to you without the awkward gift reception.

http://blogs.psychologytoday.com/blog/in-therapy/200810/terminating-therapy-part-iv-how-terminate

 

[Halo]

I absolutely agree with Turtle that if you do decide to give a token or gift, definitely keep it small and inexpensive.

For me personally, I have never bought or given anything to my current therapist, or past therapists either for that matter although I do at times find myself seeing things (especially humourous things) while shopping or on my travels that I would love to buy because they remind me of my therapist.

It will be interesting to read everyone elses thoughts.

 

[Daniel E.]

And, BTW, the best compliment I gave (unknowingly) to a therapist was that I recommended her to a friend. My friend never went though

 

[sister-ray]

I dont see any problem with giving a therapist or any other professional a gift or sending them a card I think its a nice thing to do

 

[ladylore]

I know that giving gifts to a therapist in general is not the most ethical thing to do but my last session is in mid-febuary. She is leaving the country for a year herself.

She has been really, really helpful and I definitely appreciated the time I have spent with her.

 

[boi]

hey ladylore,
I personally dont see anything wrong with giving a card or going away gift. I see it as doing something nice for someone, then again, what do I know..just my thoughts!!

 

[Into The Light]

i think it would be okay as long as it is small. i wondered about this myself at christmas since i wanted her to know how much i appreciate her. i ended up giving her a card with a simple thank you on it (didn't want to put her on the spot and since it wasn't the end of therapy i thought anything more would be awkward). i thought about a small gift but the trouble with that for me was i don't know anything about her personal likes and dislikes so any gift might totally not have been something she would have enjoyed.

i think a card would absolutely be okay where you can express whatever it is you want to express, and if you are inclined to give her a small gift to go with that, i would try to contact her and ask if a small gift would be okay.

 

[sister-ray]

I know that giving gifts to a therapist in general is not the most ethical thing to do

I really do not understand why people have issues about ethics with giving therapists etc cards and pressies, unethical things to me are turning up at your therapists houses/ringing them at home/sleeping with them etc, if they cant accept a card or pressie in the spirit it is given then I think there is something wrong with the therapist!!! I could understand if you did it everytime you visited them or kept sending them cards but to give a gift on leaving there is nothing in my view unethical about that, I send my GP a christmas card every year and when I had more money use to buy him a little pressie and he accepted it in the spirit it was given of saying thank you for your help and support this year. In the past I have had helpers and psychologists that I have given christmas cards/ even birthday cards and some have sent cards back, there is absolutely nothing wrong with it all !!!

 

[David Baxter PhD]

I really do not understand why people have issues about ethics with giving therapists etc cards and pressies, unethical things to me are turning up at your therapists houses/ringing them at home/sleeping with them etc, if they cant accept a card or pressie in the spirit it is given then I think there is something wrong with the therapist!!!

In fact, regulatory colleges (e.g., the College of Psychologists) warn practitioners against accepting gifts, and there are some good reasons for this - so for the practitioners there is an issue about ethics. These regulations and ethical guidelines are created by the governing body, not by the therapist himself or herself, but the therapist is bound by whatever guidelines are in force in his or her jurisdiction.

A card or small token gift probably isn't going to create an ethical crisis for most therapists but if your therapist is uncomfortable with accepting it that doesn't mean "there is something wrong with the therapist"

 

[ladylore]

In fact, regulatory colleges (e.g., the College of Psychologists) warn practitioners against accepting gifts, and there are some good reasons for this - so for the practitioners there is an issue about ethics. These regulations and ethical guidelines are created by the governing body, not by the therapist himself or herself, but the therapist is bound by whatever guidelines are in force in his or her jurisdiction.

I didn't know this David. It's great information to have.

 

[Sparrow]

Just a small thought here.

I think an occasional small gift of thought is okee-dokee. Perhaps beware of expectations or attachments you might have.

I've sent my GP a Christmas card for years, and beyond a better office rapport twofold returned, my only motive was just to be a little bit "nice".

:budgie:

 

[amastie]

...Perhaps beware of expectations or attachments you might have...:budgie:

I *do* have a problem given gifts of any size to either my counsellor or psych mainly because the nature of my mentall illness would ensure that I create in my own mind expectations and meaning that would not normally attach to that gift giving.

Part of my mental illness would not simply have me give something in an easy, unselfconscious way, but in time, would have me require it, even demand it (inwardly). Because of that, I'm totally ok with the guidelines that therapists shouldn't accept gifts. I know that many people are able to do so without a problem but I'm just one who can't.

Similarly, I would be caught in a dilemma if my therapist were ever to give me a card - it's never happened and I certainly don't expect it.

Knowing my own propensity for "having" to give, my only concern in general with giving gifts to therapists is that the therapist knows what is really happening in the mind of the client when he/she gives the gift. So often, I hear of clients finding expressions of affection, even love, to be therapeutic and, again while that may be ok for others, I cringe at the thought. Again, it raises the spectre of "having" to give in order to be worthy of support - whether it be gifts, affection, allegiance and appreciation to the person whose role is one of having more power.

Only once ever did I give something to a counsellor and had no trouble with that. I felt she walked alongside me and not ahead. I've never felt before, or since, so in synch with a counsellor. It changed when she ended the sessions. While that saddened me, it did not devastate me because I retained my power throughout our sessions.

I still have to watch in general that I don't give - even compliments - because they emanate again from feeling unworthy to be supported.

(Quote within his quote)
Here's a good gift for the therapist: tell her what gift you wanted to give and why. You might think it's cruel, but it actually gives the therapist what they're looking for - insight into what she means to you without the awkward gift reception.

http://blogs.psychologytoday.com/blo...-how-terminate

Perfect!

 

[Sparrow]

Is it not peculiar?

Where the most innocent thoughts may lead.

Ladylore wondering about just leaving a particular therapist.

To me, that's like saying goodbye with a small and sincere thank you, albeit gift or card.

I would do the same thing. A doctor permanently leaves and I am no longer a patient?
My kudos or card would go to them (only if they were supportive)

And especially if we are talking about 10 years as opposed to 10 month's!

To Amastie:
In hindsight, I'm sure you see the difference.

I would definitely be petrified of anything short of tactfulness on either part. David's "panic" could come to mind.

And short of multi-quoting your reply Amastie, I found it very tragic in my eyes.

You see, I'm the same way

:budgie:

 

[amastie]

Is it not peculiar?
Where the most innocent thoughts may lead.
Ladylore wondering about just leaving a particular therapist.
...

Yes, I'm sorry. Clearly, this issue triggered a very real and ongoing fear in me. Neither did I see before just now the word [Resolved] in the title. I didn't realize that it was ever placed in a title except for tech support queries. I must make a note in future not to carry on a thread where I see that.

I do so now only to apologize because I felt that I had taken the issue further than it was intended (triggered as I was) - I'm sorry.

..I would do the same thing. A doctor permanently leaves and I am no longer a patient?
My kudos or card would go to them (only if they were supportive)

And especially if we are talking about 10 years as opposed to 10 month's!

To Amastie:
In hindsight, I'm sure you see the difference.
..

Really wanted to say to you that I *do* understand. And, yes, that would be a different matter entirely, one in which I too could easily give a token of my sincere appreciation

 

[Sparrow]

Amastie,

I only have the largest hug of support with understanding to you :heart:
Sincerely.:budgie:

Ladylore?

 

[ladylore]

Ladylore wondering about just leaving a particular therapist.

This one has been particularily helpful so I just wanted to put the question out there and see what people had to say. I probably won't do a card thing as I don't want to breach any ethics.

I do so now only to apologize because I felt that I had taken the issue further than it was intended (triggered as I was) - I'm sorry.

Amastie - no worries. I sometimes miss the resolved part myself. But come to think of it, I think you posted before I added the resolved part.