• Quote of the Day
    "Don't let what you can't do interfere with what you can do."
    John Wooden, posted by David Baxter

butterfly

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May 23, 2005
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1
I'm having problems controling the urge to cut. Its always been the one for sure way to numb out. I didn't cut for a long time but lossing the baby has really messed me up. Now the feelings are to overwhelming. Any feeling is,even if it has nothing to do with Alexys. I'm on meds for bipolar but I haven't been on them long enough for them to help. It's been about 3 weeks since I've cut but once again the urge is building and becoming uncontrolable I hate this but the longer I wait without cutting the more suicidal I become. the cutting seems to stop the suicidal impluses so....
 

butterfly

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Joined
May 23, 2005
Messages
13
Points
1
controlling the urge

thanks but I don't know if I want to control them anymore. I don't know if I care enough to. I'm in kind of a scary place right now and don't know if it is even worth it anymore. I don't think the cutting is even enough this time. I hate my life and myself.
 

Sylvia

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May 2, 2005
Messages
39
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6
controlling the urge

I know that feeling of inner turmoil and self-hatred. It is torturing us indeed. My best advice to you is to seek human contact. I know it may be the last thing you think you want but it may be the thing you need most. Just talk to someone. Talk to someone about how you feel or about any other subject. Just reach out. I know what I'm saying is very difficult to but it is worth it! If you seek someone out just to listen or have a conversation with you will be giving yourself a chance to make a connection with another human being and feel better.I know it won't take all the pain awaybut it can help you tremendously if you give a chance. people may or may not understand regardless you can find someone to listen.

if you can't find anyone I am willing to listen but I suggest you look around you first. You can send me a personal message anytime you want.I understand some of the feelings you have expressed and I know how important it can be to know that someone cares I will be here if you need me.

best wishes, Sylvia
 

butterfly

Member
Joined
May 23, 2005
Messages
13
Points
1
controlling the urge

I'm past the point of caring enough to reach out. The only one I trust enough and am comfortable enough to talk to is my sister in law but right now she has a lot going on with her husband and kids. I've never been the type to talk about this with someone when they already have a full plate. We live with her at the moment so I'm well aware of whats happening in her life. I think I'm just going to end up cutting, its safer then the other option which is suicide( and I haven't figured out a fool proof way yet)
 

Sylvia

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Joined
May 2, 2005
Messages
39
Points
6
controlling the urge

giving into your temptation is safer than suicide yes. It's good that you have one person to talk to but it sounds like you need to expand your resources in order to cope. Your wish for suicide as a result of lacking the proper coping mechanisms. I would strongly suggest seeking professional help because it may be the best thing for you and your time of crisis. even if you don't like the idea of getting that help at first you might want to consider it.

best wishes, Sylvia
 

David Baxter

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Mar 26, 2004
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controlling the urge

giving into your temptation is safer than suicide yes.
But doing neither and following the rest of Sylvia's advice is even better...

It's good that you have one person to talk to but it sounds like you need to expand your resources in order to cope. Your wish for suicide as a result of lacking the proper coping mechanisms. I would strongly suggest seeking professional help because it may be the best thing for you and your time of crisis. even if you don't like the idea of getting that help at first you might want to consider it.
I couldn't agree more, Sylvia.
 

butterfly

Member
Joined
May 23, 2005
Messages
13
Points
1
controlling the urge

how do I do that? I refuse to be hopitalized! I'm seeing a pdoc to try and get the bipolar under control but so far it isn't working. I'm also seeing a counsler for case management but I've only met with him twice now. I just moved to this area and don't know anyone other then family. I've pretty much given up. I'm tired of the med game and the bipolar and this feeling of being lost with no where to turn.
 

David Baxter

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controlling the urge

I refuse to be hopitalized!
It isn't very likely that you would be.

It's a common fear I know, but honestly it's misguided. It's tough enough these days finding beds for patients who absolutely need them... believe me, if they can help you outside of hospital, they'll do it...
 

butterfly

Member
Joined
May 23, 2005
Messages
13
Points
1
controlling the urge

thats what I used to believe however with as many times as I've been hospitalized, I Know differintly(at least around here) and being put there stablixes me for a short time but not for very long. I have been on so many meds and to so many therapists that it seems like nothing works so whats the point?
 

ThatLady

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Joined
Nov 4, 2004
Messages
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controlling the urge

The point is to seek to gain control over your illness, butterfly. The point of living is to seek to do the best we can for ourselves, and for others. There is no point in taking one's own life. That is a permanent solution to a temporary problem, and serves no good for anyone.

Being bipolar isn't easy. Neither is being diabetic, or having multiple sclerosis, or cystic fibrosis, or muscular dystrophy. Yet, these are real problems for real people, just like you. They, too, must work their way through. They too become discouraged and dejected. The trick is to persevere. There is a light at the end of the tunnel, but one must open one's eyes and really look for it. Once you know it's there, the value of the work you have to do to reach it becomes much more clear.
 

David Baxter

Administrator
Joined
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Messages
37,767
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controlling the urge

Well said, ThatLady.

As I said in another thread a while back, it's not about the hand life deals you -- none of us have any control over that -- it's about what you do with the hand life deals you.
 

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