Copying with unemployment in a strong work ethic environment

[stef]

Hi all there,

I'm new over here and I thought to post you this for advice.

I have been always living in an environment and been surrounded by people with a very strong work ethics. In other words, I have been raised (and/or I have in my DNA) to work hard, very hard. This does not mean that I come from a rich family, instead; just that we have all been working very hard to make ends meet.

In other words, my job has always had a very important part of my life. I feel complete and successful if I work and contribute to society.

Now, I have fulfilled this need for 25 years without interruptions then the collapse: I lost my job and cannot manage to find a new one. For 3 years. Tried everything. No way. Many types of different jobs...no way. (I also live in Europe where - imo - job search is even harder than in the USA)

I have also tried to set up my business but besides being psychologically extremely difficult to keep motivation (it seems I need to work FOR someone to keep me going), I have never been that successful as entrepreneur (maybe also for all the above).

Even if I don't risk to lose house and dignity (my partner willingly provides, I have some savings, etc) you can imagine how being jobless makes me feel psychologically. I feel a loser, a failure.

Besides this, I don't feel comfortable with all the people with the same very strong work ethics around me; as a matter of fact, the largest part of my network of friends and all of my family.

As you can guess, in order to protect myself from "pitynesses" and (mainly) inapplicable advices from others, at a certain moment, I have chosen to avoid giving details of my non-existing working life.

However, no matter how I want to keep it for myself, of course the word "job" comes out in conversations with members of my network. It is out of good and curiosity, of course as they all know how the job is important to me.

So I feel confronted with the dilemma of lying or telling how it is and listening to their sympathies and suggestions which do not normally apply (almost nobody does my job or know much about it). None of the two situations is something that I am after, of course.

So, avoiding them is definitively the "lesser of two evils".

I know I should not care about what others think but when these "others" are the most of your network, this starts to be a bit hard and, above all, I am the first who is not comfortable with the situation therefore, it's difficult to convince others that everything is Ok when it is not or to reveal that your life is not where you don't want it to be and continue to be the same again and again and again.

So, no real solutions, just workarounds.

I do not mean to offend anyone with what I am going to saying, but I believe I might feel as those individuals who are challenged by the possibility of "coming out" with their sexual orientation and not being understood/accepted/believed by
their bigot environment OR of keeping it secret for the time that it lasts (for all their life!).

Which one is the lesser of the two evils?

With the complication that unlike what normally happens in my metaphoric situation, I also do not feel comfortable with my "sexual orientation" aka unemployment.

In conclusion, I do not know how to cope with this in a less painful way. Has anyone suggestions or has anyone been in a similar situation?

Many thanks for your attention.

stef

 

[Daniel E.]

So, no real solutions, just workarounds.

Regarding employment, seeing a social worker may help. At least in the US and the UK, there are also job centers run by non-profit organizations that help assess people's skills, help them find work, etc. Some universities also provide this service to their alumni, even if they graduated decades ago.

Another option may be getting additional training/education or visiting a temp agency.

I feel complete and successful if I work and contribute to society.

As you may know or have done, volunteering is often recommended as a way to stay active. I would think volunteering at professional organizations could also help with finding job opportunities.

 

[stef]

Hi there,

Sorry for the delay in my reaction,

Regarding employment, seeing a social worker may help. At least in the US and the UK, there are also job centers run by non-profit organizations that help assess people's skills, help them find work, etc. Some universities also provide this service to their alumni, even if they graduated decades ago.

Not only have I attended those no-profit organisations, but I have also been asked to attend them on behalf of Jobcentre Plus (the British governamental agency from Jobcentre Plus). I skip you the uselessness of those organisations.
I have attended university in a country where there is no alumni.

Another option may be getting additional training/education or visiting a temp agency.

Been there done that. They don't want anyone with my CV.

As you may know or have done, volunteering is often recommended as a way to stay active. I would think volunteering at professional organizations could also help with finding job opportunities.

Yes, I keep myself active with that and other activities...

What I expected here were more psycological coping strategies.
For the logistics, I have sort of already done anything possible and beyond...:-(

Thanks a lot for your post, pal.
Stef

 

[Daniel E.]

Which one is the lesser of the two evils?

You have worked for 25 years, correct? If so, I assume you could just say you are in some kind of early and/or temporary retirement while staying busy with volunteer efforts. But being a little more specific could help with networking in order to find a job.

Also, one way to care less about what others may think is engaging in "radical self-acceptance":

In other words, we're shifting our relationship to it, from seeing it as a threat, to a part of ourselves that needs healing. This is something to continue to practice over and over again and will lead to greater calm, ease and a sense of harmony within you.

http://forum.psychlinks.ca/psychology-psychiatry-and-mental-health/21126-the-imposter-syndrome.html

Similarly:

You eliminate self-criticism by not turning thoughts and feelings into self-criticism. No matter how accusatory the thought, no matter how dreadful the feeling, you do not allow that thought or that feeling to glide into self-criticism.

http://forum.psychlinks.ca/self-esteem-and-self-concept/19147-dealing-with-self-criticism.html

And journaling can help pretty much any type of mental distress.

For the logistics, I have sort of already done anything possible and beyond...:-(

Generally speaking, it can be hard to maintain objectivity after years of dealing with involuntary unemployment since pessimism can naturally result and impede further attempts. OTOH, in rural areas especially, sometimes people do need to move to find a particular type of job or otherwise settle for a somewhat related job.

And, of course, unemployment can sometimes be related to depression or another mood disorder like anxiety, both of which are certainly treatable. In men at least, unemployment is a known, independent risk factor for depression and even suicide.