Counting

[Ashley-Kate]

I hate being that person.. The crazy person in the room. Here i am probably in the worst place for me... my fathers. and i am completely and totally obsessed. I am not only counting and checking my own food intake noting like crazy every stupid number, i am doing the same for everyone else checking to make sure i am eating less than everyone that i am eating healthier than everyone that i basically don't touch any of the same foods as everyone that i have my own stupid food because i am that crazy. I hate the holidays as many people with eating disorders because of exactly that the food. I can't just eat like everyone else enjoy everything ie everyone i have to calculate and restrict everything because it doesn't fit what i am aloud to eat. I would love to be able to just eat it, I hate the fact that i have been eating same things for over 14years. adding new "diet" foods because the world just keeps on coming up with new calorie less foods. Trying to save the worlds from obesity they are just making the other side of things so much worst. I am frustrated with myself because i know that its me i am the one with the control with the power to stop this to stop myself yet i can't stop calculating or freaking out I just wish i could shut my head off for a while i wish everything i know about calories and good or bad food would just be erased from my mind i hate this. sorry i am struggling.. i feel pathetic i am over anxious about well lots of stuff and its coming out in my anorexia.. big time, I can't control anything in my life so well. e-d kicked in overdrive. it just feels like it will never change!

 

[adaptive1]

Re: counting

I know what you mean Ashley, I feel that way too, there is so much food everywhere at the holidays and in the new year everyone starts obsessing about diets. I hate that, it is very hard not to get caught up in that. Could you try having some compassion for yourself about how hard this time of year is for someone with an eating disorder. Could you try to be gentle with yourself and just get through the holidays a day at a time. If it was that easy to control this, I am sure you would have long ago, but it isn't. Can you practice some relaxation and breathing to get through the next few days?

 

[David Baxter PhD]

Here i am probably in the worst place for me... my fathers. and i am completely and totally obsessed.

Increases in anxiety or stress ALWAYS leads to an increase in any form of obsessive-compulsive behavior.

The key is almost certainly in that first comment: "Here i am probably in the worst place for me... my fathers."

What makes that place so difficult for you?

 

[Ashley-Kate]

well if we consider the past and recent abuse by him In addition the environment only generates even more stress because well it is hectic they have two kids under 10, the parents my father and his wife have absolutely no control over them and well screaming is basically the only thing that happens.I go to keep an eye on the kids because they are not really in the best place for them and then well i come home and stressed because i am not there to watch the kids.. there is no getting out of the stress of it all .. i am exhausted.

 

[Timber]

I definitely empathize with the uncontrolled and screaming. My sis has 6 children. I love them to death but they fight and scream constantly. The kids don't cry when they cry, they Scream. They aren't placed in a Time Out, they are smacked when mom gets tired of the noise and manages to lift her butt from the couch. When I go, I usually end up taking the oldest girl, my niece who is 11 years old, on a long walk. They place too much responsibility on her, in my eyes. What irritates me most is that her mom is a "couch dictator". She dictates the kids without moving her rump from the couch. So, if a baby needs fed or changed, she hollers for my niece to take care of it. If the laundry needs to be changed over, she yells at my niece to take care of it. I haven't been to her house over a year since what happened the last time I was there. I almost knocked the crap out of my sis for slapping my niece in the face because she was in trouble for not being able to clone herself and feed the baby and change the laundry out simultaneously and objected while mom sat on the couch. (That walk was a very very very long walk). Sometimes visits are meant to be short and sweet. Stop in for an hour or two and then leave. My excuse for my sis is that she lives too far away to even go now. I'd love to tell her the true reason but I'm too chicken. lol
In short, try short visits and long walks.

 

[Cat Dancer]

Are the younger children being abused as well?

 

[Ashley-Kate]

no they are fine besides being spoiled rotten