Deadly Rage...

[Cavi]

In the past 2 years I've had anger issues where I held it all inside and yet I envisioned destroying the aisles in a grocery store...Every time I went in a certain store I could feel the rage boiling under the surface, but never acted upon it...

2 weeks ago I started to rage against people, I would cuss them out and just scream at the top of my lungs...Majority of this happened with men...I am terrifed of men normally but I would dare than to hurt me physically...

I wanted to hurt them, but I knew physically I wasn't strong enough to hurt a man...Afterwards I would just shake with anger...I was driving one day and guy was tailgaiting and I had the windows and sun roof opened and I slammed on the breaks several times and when we got at a light I screamed and cussed at him...

I was crying all the time when I was alone and than last weekend everything stopped...I'm not happy go lucky but I'm not raging or crying anymore...It's been a week...

Last year I starved myself for 6 months and than in Feb. 06 I started bingeing BAD to the point I landed in the hospital a few times...I was bingeing also during this rage/crying period and it too is also gone...I am eating but food is an enemy right now...

Has anyone else gone through a deadly rage like this and how did you overcome it?...

I'm ashamed to admit it but if I would of had a gun in my hand, I would of blown somebody's brains out...And than afterwards would of went into a tailspin cause I took someone's life...

One day I blew up with some middle school kids...I didn't hurt them but I sure cussed them out and screamed...

 

[ThatLady]

Sounds like you're under some pretty hefty stress in your life. That's usually where this kind of unprovoked anger comes from. Is there something going on that you feel is out of control, or which you feel is depriving you of control over your own life?

 

[Cavi]

Hi...Yeah I'm in a very chaotic relationship and on top of that my ex T did some major psychological damage...RIMH

 

[David Baxter PhD]

I wonder about a few things, RIMH.

1. have you ever been diagnosed with an anxiety disorder or PTSD?
2. have you ever been diagnosed with depression or bipolar disorder?
3. have you been tested for or is there a family history of hypoglycemia or diabetes?
4. have you been tested for or is there any family history of thyroid dysfunction?

 

[Cavi]

Hi...


have you ever been diagnosed with an anxiety disorder or PTSD?
I was diagnosed with GAD Sept. 05 and in June 06 I did have a therapist tell me that she thought I had PTSD instead of BorderlinePD but at that time I fought the PTSD diagnosis but now I myself am beginning to wonder...

have you ever been diagnosed with depression or bipolar disorder?
When I first started therapy in 1998 Major Depression was my diagnosis and than it was later switched to Bi-Polar...But in Feb. 05 I was told that I was not Bi-Polar that I was Borderline...

have you been tested for or is there a family history of hypoglycemia or diabetes?
When I was 18 I was having problems with hypoglycemia but it was only determined through a blood test, I wasn't formally tested...Yes there is Diabetes in my family...

have you been tested for or is there any family history of thyroid dysfunction?...Yes, I am on Synthroid and I just recently had it checked and its within normal range...

To be honest, I really don't know what disorders I have and what I don't have...I've had so many different ones thrown at me that it's not funny...I always identified with the criteria of Borderline but the DR. that told me that she thought it was PTSD instead said sometimes people are diagnosed with BPD when in reality it is PTSD...

RIMH

 

[David Baxter PhD]

OK. The reason I asked those questions is that I'm suggesting that the anger/rage is often the overt/superficial symptom of something quite different underneath.... it would seem that you have one or more conditions that can often masquerade as rage. What I'm suggesting is that you focus on those other conditions rather than the rage itself. I suspect your answers are there.

 

[just mary]

I feel rage all the time RIMH. similar to yours. I walk through the aisles of Supervalue and I want to take a big baseball bat and flatten everything and see for miles.

Hang in there, we're all with you.

take care, :hug:

jm

 

[Cavi]

OK. The reason I asked those questions is that I'm suggesting that the anger/rage is often the overt/superficial symptom of something quite different underneath.... it would seem that you have one or more conditions that can often masquerade as rage. What I'm suggesting is that you focus on those other conditions rather than the rage itself. I suspect your answers are there

I see what your saying, I will talk to my new T about it and my General Doc. she has me coming in alot b/c she knows alot of whats going on...My p-doc and I do NOT get along, so it makes it hard...And she is the only one left that takes my insurance...

The problem is too that every med they have tried me on, I'm one of the ones that if there is a rare side effect, I'll have it...I'm the same way with medical meds...I was on Zoloft but they had to take me off of that b/c my sinuses got inflamed....lots of fun HA!...

So atm, I'm not on any meds...RIMH

 

[Cavi]

Thanks JM...I wish no-one ever felt this type of rage...RIMH

 

[David Baxter PhD]

The problem is too that every med they have tried me on, I'm one of the ones that if there is a rare side effect, I'll have it...I'm the same way with medical meds...I was on Zoloft but they had to take me off of that b/c my sinuses got inflamed....lots of fun HA!...

Can you tell me what they've tried? There are new ones every year and new uses for old ones every year so there are now more options than ever before for the majority of people.

 

[Cavi]

Hi...They have tried....Zyprexa, Zoloft, Wellbutrin, Celexa, Lamictal (almost killed me) Geodon, Paxil, Ativan, Lithium, Topomax, Risperdal, Abilify, Seroquel, (ended up in the ER on that one too) Depakote, (another trip to the ER) Neurontin, thats all I can remember, gee thats depressing to see all that they've tried...RIMH

 

[David Baxter PhD]

Hmmm.... that's definitely a long enough list. Jave you ever seen a specialist in psychopharmocology? Sometimes they can help where psychiatrists and physicians have run out of ideas.

 

[Cavi]

No I haven't but I am giving in and accepting my life as it is and not fighting the fact that I am in a controlling relationship, so now that I have accepted what is, than there shouldn't be any needs for meds......RIMH

 

[David Baxter PhD]

I'm not sure I would agree with your conclusions but of course it is ultimately your decision. Good luck, RIMH.