Dealt with this for 20 years, it all comes down to an ongoing cycle of ʻAʻ words...
Anxiety, Annoyance, Animosity...
Two weeks ago I was anxious.
Irritable, work was annoying. I hate my job. Why would anyone choose this as a career?
I hate all my clothes. I donʻt want to hang out with my family. Every person in a car or in the store bothers me. Everyone is in my way. Kids are too loud. Adults are too slow. I snapped at my husband multiple times. What is the point of therapy and meds? No one gets it, thereʻs no one to talk to.
Lots of angry, bitter journal entries.
I hate this disease.
Animated...
One week last month I felt great.
I worked 60 hours because I had so much energy. I barely needed any sleep. I worked out a lot. I cleaned the whole house. I bought enough food to last a month. I spent a lot of money on little things from Amazon. I did a lot of extra things for my husband since he had a busy week. I considered buying a new car and going back to school. I donʻt need therapy or meds!
Those things I wrote in my journal last week were silly!
I have been through this enough to know it wonʻt last...
Average...
I cared last week.
I worked one extra shift because I felt good. I washed my hair and put on makeup.
I went out with friends from work. I cooked dinner twice. I made lists of chores and groceries. I felt like a supportive wife. Maybe I should go back to school!
Thank goodness for therapy and meds. Thereʻs no need to journal because everything is fine.
I know this wonʻt last...
Apathy, Anhedonia, Alcohol Abuse...
I donʻt care this week.
I had five days off and was drinking beer or asleep for most of it. Whatʻs the point of work? I have no friends. My family judges me. I spent two days in the same clothes. I have no appetite, I eat whatʻs there because I have to. I canʻt remember what to buy at the store. I donʻt care that my house is filthy. Iʻm sick of hearing about my husbandʻs day.
Therapy and meds arenʻt helping. I donʻt have the energy to journal. Whatʻs the point?
Iʻm tired of being tired...
Again...
Anxiety, Annoyance, Animosity...
Two weeks ago I was anxious.
Irritable, work was annoying. I hate my job. Why would anyone choose this as a career?
I hate all my clothes. I donʻt want to hang out with my family. Every person in a car or in the store bothers me. Everyone is in my way. Kids are too loud. Adults are too slow. I snapped at my husband multiple times. What is the point of therapy and meds? No one gets it, thereʻs no one to talk to.
Lots of angry, bitter journal entries.
I hate this disease.
Animated...
One week last month I felt great.
I worked 60 hours because I had so much energy. I barely needed any sleep. I worked out a lot. I cleaned the whole house. I bought enough food to last a month. I spent a lot of money on little things from Amazon. I did a lot of extra things for my husband since he had a busy week. I considered buying a new car and going back to school. I donʻt need therapy or meds!
Those things I wrote in my journal last week were silly!
I have been through this enough to know it wonʻt last...
Average...
I cared last week.
I worked one extra shift because I felt good. I washed my hair and put on makeup.
I went out with friends from work. I cooked dinner twice. I made lists of chores and groceries. I felt like a supportive wife. Maybe I should go back to school!
Thank goodness for therapy and meds. Thereʻs no need to journal because everything is fine.
I know this wonʻt last...
Apathy, Anhedonia, Alcohol Abuse...
I donʻt care this week.
I had five days off and was drinking beer or asleep for most of it. Whatʻs the point of work? I have no friends. My family judges me. I spent two days in the same clothes. I have no appetite, I eat whatʻs there because I have to. I canʻt remember what to buy at the store. I donʻt care that my house is filthy. Iʻm sick of hearing about my husbandʻs day.
Therapy and meds arenʻt helping. I donʻt have the energy to journal. Whatʻs the point?
Iʻm tired of being tired...
Again...
