Depression in Elderly

[Bumblebean]

My grandfather, who was born early in the last century, suffered in his later years from depression and anxiety and was forever commenting unhappily about this or that new bit of technology or the way things were being done. When I think of all the changes he saw in his lifetime, it's kind of mind boggling. Now I think of all the changes I've seen in my lifetime so far, and I finally understand why he felt that way and that he wasn't just being a cranky old man.

This is the "digital age" and the more digitized (is that a word?) my life becomes, it seems the more time my thinking is 40 years out of date. I'm confused and overwhelmed and just worn out trying to keep up, and I'm guessing that this feeling of part of me being stuck in a world that doesn't exist any more is a defence of some kind -- or maybe it's just time catching up with me . Whatever it is, it's really getting me down. I miss big fat Sunday newspapers and encyclopedias ... I can't read more than a couple of paragraphs on a computer screen, and I can't "google" to save my life. When I heard that the CBC is making major changes which include cutting back on radio and TV and going more to "digital", and stuff like smartphones (whatever they are), I actually sat down and cried. I know that was a pretty extreme reaction, but it was kind of like the last straw for me. I'm tired of talking to computers when I need to talk to a real person at my electric or telephone company, I'm sick of hearing I need to go to a website to get even basic info, especially with this antique computer which can't access a lot of websites and can't be upgraded to give me access. I want to scream every time I hear someone talk about how communities or certain people "need" things that used to be a given, things people just did instead of talking them to death but never applying them. Ugh, I could go on and on, but lucky for everyone brave enough to have read this far, my pain levels are telling me it's time to wrap up.

Anyway, as for the depression of suddenly realizing I'm in a world that wears me out mentally and physically trying to figure out, I think the only thing I can do is live in the way I understand as much as I can, and try to tolerate the rest.

If there's anyone here around my age or older, do you feel this way? How do you cope? I know some people personally who haven't had any trouble adapting, and most of them actually seem to enjoy it, so if I talk to them about it, they get impatient with me pretty quick and tell me to stop living in the past. I don't long for the "good old days" which really weren't so great, but I do wish I lived in a world I could wrap my head around and that didn't move so darned fast.

Thanks for letting me vent

BB

 

[Retired]

BB,

I am a contemporary and understand your frustration, since we had the extraordinary pleasure of dealing with real people in our day when customer service meant something.

Today is a different world, pretty much the way you've described it where communication between humans has largely become digital, in so many ways.

I needed to call a service I subscribe to today and the digital voice that answered kept saying " I understand complete sentences, please tell me what you're calling about"

I told the "voice" why I was calling and it asked me a follow up question that I found to be irrelevant to my call. I just kept pressing the "0" key on my telephone until the "voice" finally capitulated and allowed me to speak to a human...

We need to adapt to the world as it is, BB otherwise we just won't get the services we need and want. My own Grandfather talked about the adaptations he needed to make when he first arrived in Canada as an unskilled worker and was faced with steamshovels that were taking his job!

My Mother had to adapt in so many ways after living through the Great Depression and then was launched into the world of dial telephones.

Agreed the digital world is changing at a much faster pace than the the changes we saw in our own interactions with the world in the last forty or fifty years, but for me the changes have been beneficial.

I can manage 99% of my personal business affairs using an online connection which saves me having to physically perform all those bill payments.

If you find your present computer is unable to access the information and services you need, and from what you say you don't seem to be creating any content using your computer, then consider purchasing a tablet such as an iPad or one of the Android tablets such as a Samsung or like the one I use when traveling, an Asus Transformer Tablet that comes with a keyboard.

Tablets give you access to all the services, perform pretty much like a computer interface that you're accustomed to, but simplify the operation by using specific applications for each job.

Using a tablet you would also be able to access many of the radio programming you like as that mode of communication is slowly becoming inefficient.

While I agree the world has changed, let's face it, the world has changed and evolved from the beginning of time, and in my view, the key to successful aging, based on the experience of my grandparents, parents and my fellow old fogeys I associate with....is to adapt....or become isolated and very unhappy.

Do you have someone you trust who can help you acquire updated equipment and help you set it up and learn it?

 

[Bumblebean]

Steve, short answer for now as pain is quite bad.

I think I kind of zeroed in on digital life because it's a huge source of frustration and makes my chronic headache so much worse, but it's much more than those things and all that goes with them. It's attitudes and values and loss of connection between people in the physical (as opposed to virtual) world. It's so sad, even for skittish old me, to see people so afraid of each other, but who can blame them? Still, I have lived in the same place for several years, as well as the same town for nearly all my life, yet I only know one neighbour by name. I can pass them out working in their yard or garden when I set off to do my errands, and usually we'll exchange a "good morning" or whatever, but that's as far as it goes -- no one stands and chats across a fence any more, let alone introduces themselves, and if a person tries to be neighbourly, folks get spooked -- and even though a good half dozen people on my road (all of them with cars) have seen me hobbling past at least once a week, they all zip right on by, never stopping to offer a lift. I don't expect them to, and I don't mind that they don't because I understand why they don't, but it reminds me of a time when people wouldn't have thought twice. That's kind of one little example of what I mean about the kind of changes that really get me down.

The pace and constantly more complicated technology is tiring, overwhelming, confusing, and so expensive it causes a lot of worry for someone on a tight budget, but a person still has choices. I have choices about how to live my life based on my own "old fahioned" (that makes me laugh at my younger self) values and the way I'm going to express them and how I can still allow myself to be myself. I'm not a grandma at all, but even if I was, I have no interest in being a "sexy grandma". I've earned these grey hairs

I'm actually looking at cutting back my voluntary ties to the digital world (my budget being a strong motivator! ) and simplifying my life in every way I can that won't have a negative affect on my health. When I think about what that would look like, I can feel my whole body relaxing just a bit, and every small change takes a bit more of that tension away. My choices won't change the world of course, but hopefully it will change my own little world a bit. I can wish that life wasn't lived at a dead gallop and even those of us with disabilities are expected somehow to keep up, but I don't see that happening just because I want it to I just mostly need to get a handle on the feeling of being in an alien world. You're right, though, about needing to adapt. I've done a lot of that all my life, especially since my health problems began, and while I'd as soon be doing something else, I do need to put some thought and action into continuing to adapt.

Yikes, and that was a short answer?

Thanks,

BB

 

[making_art]

BB, I am just 57 :lol: but I have had a similar experience with changes in attitudes and values. Sometimes I have been so frustrated I just want to retire. I have felt very strongly about not wanting things to change because I like them the way they were! Then I have sometimes where I try and see the benefits of change and try to accept that change is inevitable and embrace it - then the cycle of not wanting things to change and being frustrated starts again.

I think this is just a normal part of aging and life but you are right that technology is changing so rapidly it is hard to keep up with. The technology changes that bother me are the wastefulness of just needing and developing something new but not necessarily better. Also making something new that prevents you from using your previous technology just so money can be made by the manufacturers. I do get excited about new technology that makes life more convenient and easy though!

I was in a fabric store the other day and there were two little girls running and screaming around the store. The store clerk had to find mom and tell her that tables and shelves of bolts of material can fall over and be dangerous so please stop your children from running. The mom was not receptive to the request and said she would try to stop them.....they were also climbing and sitting all over bolts of fabric on one table....I see this often and it seems that the new parenting style is very permissive. This kind of change really bothers me.

I have a close friend in her 80,s and we had this discussion about changes and how hard it was to accept them.

---------- Post Merged at 10:50 PM ---------- Previous Post was at 10:23 PM ----------

Just wanted to add that there is nothing wrong with deciding to opt out of technology that you are not finding enhances your life. The library always has access for free. I know a community of young and older people who will not allow a cell phone tower to be placed in their rural area and have opted out of technology so you are not alone in this lifestyle choice....the Waldorf school does not believe in technology use for their students.

 

[Retired]

BB,

I think I better understand your concerns.

Is it that we are seeing what seems to be a greater disconnect between the generations, making you feel isolated?

Do you have any family or friends among your contemporaries at this time with whom you have interactions?

Do you have regular medical care to address your needs like:

my chronic headache

I find associating with people in our own age range to be satisfying just because we understand one another and share common interests and goals. I also take comfort in appreciating the good things I have at this stage of my life, like the love of my wife and family, my relatively good health the ability to remain pretty active.

This phase of our lives gives us the opportunity to explore things were may not have had the time to do in the past.

For example, my wife fulfilled a long time desire to learn to play bridge a few years ago, and now gets a great deal of pleasure playing bridge several times a week with new friends she has made in our age range, widening her social circle.

Do you have access to senior sponsored activities in your community?

 

[rdw]

I am 56 and work in a high school. In that work environment, I see both the positive and negative impacts that technology has on teens and others. It is a fast changing, and at times scary, dynamic. That being said, I use technology a lot - iPhone, iPad, computer and associated programming both at home and at work, digital camera, ereader ... I must confess I love them all. What I don't love - conversations over dinner interrupted by a text message, ever increasing and incredibly vicious nature of cyber bullying, use of a game or a video as a babysitter for small children and teens, the growing isolation that teens and adults feel due to a lack of personal connection and the false impressions that the internet can present. I hate not hearing a voice when I have a customer complaint or compliment. I do agree with Steve - the changes are here to stay and it is a case of adapt or isolate oneself away.
BB - are there any devices or assistive technologies available to help with your disabilities? Is it possible to speak with a social worker or health care provider regarding such devices?

 

[Bumblebean]

Apologies for being so slow to reply. Funnily enough, my computer went haywire a couple of days after my last post, and I've only just -- with a lot of help from a nice young fellow who understands these things -- gotten it limping along. It's on life support, so I'm trying to tie up loose ends before it flatlines.

Thanks so much for the replies, I have a lot of different perspectives to think about. Meanwhile, I think I can sum up how I feel about this getting older business: I can adapt, and I think I do a fairly good job in most ways, but I'm reminded of what I think is the title of a book -- a stranger in a strange land. And I have decided that it's ok being me in this new wilderness, including being behind the times, and if people think I'm weird, well I'm not so sure that's anything new I have been adapting all my life, so if I put my mind to it, I can keep on adapting. I don't have to like all of it, but there's still a lot in life to enjoy, so it kind of balances out.

Well, I'd better leave it there, my computer is already acting up. Just want to thank everyone who's been so kind and helpful and understanding. I hope I'll be able to find a way I can drop in once in a while.

Thanks, and take care,

:grouphug3:

BB

 

[making_art]

Bumblebean, we will miss hearing from you and learning about your journey on this path we call life......so please go to the public library and use their free internet access to visit us again......who knows your computer may just keep on plugging along too.

The library also has free movies, music and documentaries as well! I use it all the time. It also has free workshops on computer and other technologies.

May you find peace.....

:friends: