Depression - My Old Friend

[Jesse910]

Walking to my car last night following work, I felt a sadness overcome me that I haven?t experienced in quite some time. Life has continued to be chaotic. Living in a state of chaos mixed with moments of clarity is what I have come to accept as normalcy within my day-to-day existence. If I were a drinking person, I would have passed out long ago, swallowed my pride, and yanked the plug. While I?m passed loathing, I continue to carry out my responsibilities for the sake of my son, for the sake of my husband, and for myself. I am the mother ship who keeps everything going.

Depression is a slow mother who milks you dry and takes you down into the scathing perils of hell one step at time. You don?t always see it coming until it rears its ugly head. I refuse to give in, but boy, it's tough right now.

 

[Retired]

Jesse,

Are you receiving any treatment for your depression?

 

[Jesse910]

I have been receiving treatment for years. I could write a book about the therapeutic process of therapy from a client's perspective. I know the signs, symptoms, thought processes, and all the pertinent responses that a therapist would ask or say. Steve, I'm sitting on the sidelines watching the world even as I'm working. The cliff is not an option. I will get through this. I'm horrible when it comes to sharing information with my therapist or internist who is my physician of choice. I need to be able to figure stuff out for myself without someone in authority writing stuff down about me. I need my privacy from the medical world. My meds are stable.

 

[Retired]

I'm horrible when it comes to sharing information with my therapist or internist who is my physician of choice. I need to be able to figure stuff out for myself without someone in authority writing stuff down about me. I need my privacy from the medical world.

Have you considered that by withholding information from your therapist / doctors, about your symptoms or the issues that affect your life is actually actually counterproductive, unless you happen to have a doctor or therapist who can read your mind?

It would be like taking your car to the garage, and simply saying "my car has a problem" and hoping the mechanic can figure out what needs to be fixed.

When we're in crisis, our objectivity is impaired, making it virtually impossible to competently find the right solution without professional guidance. Professional guidance requires forthright information, because mind reading therapists are really hard to find.

 

[Jesse910]

I knew there was a reason I came here today! Thank you Steve. I so value my pride and ability to process information without assistance. Yet, it has helped to take the tension off today by simply admitting that I'm depressed. I am consistently stymied by labels. While I know that bipolar is not something that I can beat, it is my daily mantra to be as normal as possible. Admitting defeat is like a slap in the face for me. It's like my mind has decided to screw me over in ways that I did not see coming. I feel like I'm being combative with you and the rest of the community right now. And, this is not my intent. And, you're absolutely right, I do need to communicate with my therapist and doctor. I just need to get past the implications and fear of doing so.

 

[forgetmenot]

Boy could i relate to some of what you have said

when it comes to sharing information with my therapist or internist who is my physician of choice. I need to be able to figure stuff out for myself without someone in authority writing stuff down about me.


The i need to figure out stuff myself i get that part but as said hun sometimes treating ourselves is not the best way to help ourselves because as said to me we are too close to the situation and we sometime do not have the clarity to see things correctly

depression no not a friend at all hun so when it rears its ugly head hun it is telling us something is wrong and we need to perhaps open up more to the ones that can help us maybe with a different perspective

hope i am making sense hun

 

[Jesse910]

I miss the signs of depression as I don't want them to be about me. I am listening to what is being said here. Thank-you.