David Baxter PhD
Late Founder
Destructive Responses to Anger
by Dr. Gary Chapman
October 23, 2008
There are two equally devastating responses to anger: explosion and implosion. We may think that one is more destructive than the other, but the truth is implosive anger can be as damaging as explosive anger.
Remember, anger itself is not sinful. Paul said, ?Being angry, sin not.? That is the challenge - to control our response to anger.
Explosive Anger
Explosive anger expresses itself in two modes: words and actions. Verbal abuse and physical abuse are now household words in America. Uncontrolled anger is at the root of all such abuse.
Some people pride themselves on ?speaking their mind,? but the first step is in admitting that such verbal explosions are not healthy. They are not loving, kind, tender, or caring. Anger needs to be processed, but not by verbally abusive explosions.
Some Christians who would deplore explosive anger fail to realize that implosive anger is as destructive in the long run. Whereas explosive anger begins with rage and may quickly turn to violence, implosive anger begins with silence and withdrawal but in time leads to resentment, bitterness, and eventually hatred.
Those who practice an implosive method of responding to anger often begin by denying that they are angry at all. But anger does not die with denial. Internalized anger will often express itself in passive-aggressive behavior. The person is passive on the outside, trying to give the appearance that nothing is wrong, but eventually the anger is expressed in other ways.
Examine your own negative behavior and see if it is rooted in anger. This is why the Scriptures tell us get rid of anger before the sun goes down.
Excerpt taken from Anger by Dr. Gary Chapman. To find out more about Gary Chapman's resources, visit www.fivelovelanguages.com.
by Dr. Gary Chapman
October 23, 2008
There are two equally devastating responses to anger: explosion and implosion. We may think that one is more destructive than the other, but the truth is implosive anger can be as damaging as explosive anger.
Remember, anger itself is not sinful. Paul said, ?Being angry, sin not.? That is the challenge - to control our response to anger.
Explosive Anger
Explosive anger expresses itself in two modes: words and actions. Verbal abuse and physical abuse are now household words in America. Uncontrolled anger is at the root of all such abuse.
Some people pride themselves on ?speaking their mind,? but the first step is in admitting that such verbal explosions are not healthy. They are not loving, kind, tender, or caring. Anger needs to be processed, but not by verbally abusive explosions.
A Story of Accountability
Harvey was a man of action. When he got angry, he was quick to fight.
Within six months of being married to Judy, Harvey pushed her against the wall. She knew that his behavior was wrong, so she wrote him a letter and mailed it to his office telling him that she loved him. She said in the letter that she didn?t think that he meant to hurt her, but that if he ever touched her again in an angry way that she would leave until she was assured by a counselor that it was safe to live with him again.
Judy is doing the hard work of love. She is holding Harvey accountable for his sinful behavior. Since she is taking this action early in their marriage, she will probably be the person God uses to help Harvey deal with his destructive response to anger.
Implosive AngerHarvey was a man of action. When he got angry, he was quick to fight.
Within six months of being married to Judy, Harvey pushed her against the wall. She knew that his behavior was wrong, so she wrote him a letter and mailed it to his office telling him that she loved him. She said in the letter that she didn?t think that he meant to hurt her, but that if he ever touched her again in an angry way that she would leave until she was assured by a counselor that it was safe to live with him again.
Judy is doing the hard work of love. She is holding Harvey accountable for his sinful behavior. Since she is taking this action early in their marriage, she will probably be the person God uses to help Harvey deal with his destructive response to anger.
Some Christians who would deplore explosive anger fail to realize that implosive anger is as destructive in the long run. Whereas explosive anger begins with rage and may quickly turn to violence, implosive anger begins with silence and withdrawal but in time leads to resentment, bitterness, and eventually hatred.
Those who practice an implosive method of responding to anger often begin by denying that they are angry at all. But anger does not die with denial. Internalized anger will often express itself in passive-aggressive behavior. The person is passive on the outside, trying to give the appearance that nothing is wrong, but eventually the anger is expressed in other ways.
Examine your own negative behavior and see if it is rooted in anger. This is why the Scriptures tell us get rid of anger before the sun goes down.
Excerpt taken from Anger by Dr. Gary Chapman. To find out more about Gary Chapman's resources, visit www.fivelovelanguages.com.
