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JUDITH TIMSON
Globe and Mail
May 20, 2008

Didn't use all of your vacation days last year?

You out there - are you among the shocking 29 per cent of Canadian workers who did not use their full allotment of vacation days last year? According to a recent Ipsos Reid survey, the number of vacation-deprived people who either forget, refuse or are unable to take their holidays because of work stress, no one to sub for them or other concerns is on the rise, up from 21 per cent the previous year.

That's too bad for all sorts of reasons - emotional, physical and professional.

But I've come up with a way to relieve the stress of your 2008 unvacation. It's called The Don't Leave Your Desk Vacation - a fun-filled way to have a quick exotic holiday and still be right there in the office, always available for that pivotal section head meeting, that urgent planning session, those hurried encounters with your boss (who does seem to be heading off somewhere, come to think of it) and those high-priority e-mails that could change your life if only you answer them right away.

Besides, who needs the bother of removing your shoes at airport security, the disappointment of substandard hotel bed linens, the boredom of trudging with countless others through yet another museum when you can stay chained to your desk?

Here are five fabulous don't-leave-your-office vacations that can take as little as five minutes or, luxuriously, last as long as an hour.

Paris on a coffee break
It isn't as hard as you think to transport yourself to the City of Light. Forget Eurodollars, all you need is a chocolate-dipped croissant, a large caf? au lait, a download of Edith Piaf singing La Vie en Rose, and a certain sense of savoir faire as you sit languidly at your desk for a few minutes, your eyes closed, imagining yourself strolling through the Tuileries. Of course if your fantasy takes place in July, you won't meet many Parisians there because they wouldn't dream of not taking their four- to six-week summer vacations. But c'est la vie.

The office spa vacation
Ahh the luxury of being pampered, inhaling aromatherapy and polishing your body to perfection.

Because of the ick factor, we strongly advise against workplace exfoliation or overpowering scents, but a simple sly pedicure is easy: Smuggle in a small plastic foot bath, fill with warm sudsy water and slip under your desk. Make sure you have a bottle of Evian water or a soothing herbal tea to drink, and some "spa delicacies" to eat - a plate of crudit?s will do. Then, when everyone assumes you're working on next year's budget, slip those tootsies into the water, take a deep sigh and think spa. A reminder: If you stand up suddenly to greet a co-worker, try not to splash.

Whitewater Internet surfing
For the adventurer in you. We'll give you the top 10 outdoor adventure vacation sites, including kayaking, mountain climbing, cycling and whitewater rafting, and you can savour them while eating trail mix, drinking Gatorade and wearing something whimsically geared to the sport of your choice. For obvious reasons, we advise against tight bicycle shorts, a life jacket or a helmet in the office. But you can get away with a fleece vest (claim the air-conditioning is getting to you), hiking boots, or even a small rappelling rope tied unobtrusively around your waist. Do remember to take the rope off for the staff meeting.

Office beach holiday
Wear your bikini or swimming trunks underneath your office attire. Slap on a little sunscreen for that beachy scent. Bring a plastic drinking glass from home and pick up some of those little paper parasols that adorn tropical drinks. Pack a "summer read" paperback and then, during your lunch break, slip into a pair of flip-flops, download some reggae, read the book and keep your desk lamp on for some "rays." Find a beach scene screensaver and slowly sip (a non-alcoholic beverage) from the glass with that parasol atop it. Does it get any better than this?

Desk cruise
On casual Friday, sport your most nautical leisure wear. Stripes, white and navy, even white shoes. Walk the "deck" regularly and stare avidly out the windows (you can use binoculars if you don't point them directly at another office window). When it's time for the morning staff meeting, try to pretend it's shuffleboard on the top deck. (In some offices that won't be so far from the truth.) Some of you may even get to walk the office gangplank that very day, so enjoy!

Now, don't you feel better knowing that no matter how overworked and underpaid you are, despite the fact there is absolutely no official vacation marked on your agenda for the next few months, you can actually take all five of these don't-leave-your-desk vacations and still not miss a beat at work?

And don't forget to share pictures with your co-workers. This is one set of holiday snaps everyone will be interested in.
 
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