Do I have one?

[nomansgrace]

Lately, (past few months) I've only been eating 600 or less cals a day. Sometimes more, but rarely. I usually don't excercise excessively, but when I eat more than 600 cals, I get so nervous about getting fat, I can't stop myself from excercising. It doesn't matter if I'm sick or how late into the night it is. If you look at me, I don't look like I have eating problems. I'm size 14. I was size 17 in July though. Anyways, I was looking on a website and I've noticed that I have a lot of symptoms.
I've been trying to go and eat a regular meal. I'll cook a really good meal, and by the time I cook it, I can't eat it. I'll eat a little bit, if at all that. Another thing is that the smaller I get, the fatter I'll feel. Sometimes, I feel even more obese now than I did in July.
I dunno. I was just wondering if it's considered an eating disorder since I'm not underweight.

 

[David Baxter PhD]

Hi, nomansgrace...

What you describe does indeed sound like an eating disorder or something related (e.g., body dysmorphic disorder). You may not be underweight at this point, but 600 calories a day is unhealthy, even for someone who is significantly overweight. This would be especially true if you are engaging in compusive exercising, as you indicate.

I would urge you to go and talk to a counsellor or nutritionist experienced in working with eating disorders or body dysmorphic disorder. If this is something relatively recent for you, getting some help now may prevent it from getting worse -- I'd also wonder what is happening in your life recently that may have triggered this. And if it's not a new thing, even more reason to seek help to try to learn how to manage it.

 

[nomansgrace]

I don't know if this could have triggered it but in Feb. I survived a house fire that killed a 19 mth old who was a "son" to me. (He ran around calling me momma).. but I dunno if that could have triggered that. Or could it be that people have always called me fat all my life even when I was of normal weight?

 

[David Baxter PhD]

The "name calling" probably does play a role but the house fire and the loss of the little boy may well have been a trigger. Althought the connmection may not be obvious, eating disorders are at least in part about unconscious attempts to "control" the world around you (not people, the world) by imposing order, certainty, predictability on a world that seems chaotic and uncertain.

You may also be experiencing some depression and/or anxiety which is manifesting itself (and masking itself) in this behavior...

I think you could benefit from seeing a counsellor, nomansgrace... give it some serious consideration...