Do I Need A Romantic Companion Or Just A Friend

[CrystalDreamer59]

Sorry if this might be in the wrong place and is sort of complicated. And I'm also sorry I haven't been on here as much. My boyfriend seems to be upset with me since I'm starting to lose my trust in him that I'm worried he's not wanting to have anything to do with me anymore and I should move on. I haven't heard from him since last night and I tried texting him this morning and so far nothing. Maybe I'm worrying too much but maybe it's time I move on without him. Anyway I'm very sure I am going to be getting my own apartment soon. As long as I stay positive and stick with plan me and my therapist made I should be able to get my own apartment. When I do get my own apartment I know I'm going to need someone there living with me or else I'm going to be very lonely. I'm actually asexual, so I don't care much for a sexual relationship, and can get along equally as well with both men and women. Actually I have noticed I tend to get along best with older men, but being asexual, usually prefer to be just friends with them, which I really like. So my question is do I need a romantic companion or just a friend as a roommate when the time comes. As I'm typing this I'm thinking what I really need is just a friend. If that's the case should I share apartment with male friend or female friend.

 

[Daniel E.]

As I'm typing this I'm thinking what I really need is just a friend. If that's the case should I share apartment with male friend or female friend.

Some of the biggest problems people have with roommates is cleanliness (one roommate will probably do more of his/her fair share of the cleaning therefore causing resentment) and money issues ("why are you late again in paying your part of the rent/electricity/phone/cable/Internet?"). So if I wanted a roommate, I personally would be looking for a roommate with a steady income who keeps things tidy or someone who owns their own tidy place who is renting out.

 

[CrystalDreamer59]

You're right I do need a roommate who is willing to pay their share of the rent and also is tidy. I know from previous experience of trying to be out on my own with roommate that I can't stand someone who is messy. Unfortunately I have no idea how or where to find a potential roommate and hopefully friend who I can get along with.

 

[Retired]

Actually I have noticed I tend to get along best with older men, but being asexual, usually prefer to be just friends with them, which I really like.

I see a house sharing relationship between an young woman and an older man as a potentially troublesome environment, despite best intentions and promises made at the onset. It would be a topic that would be well worth exploring with your therapist.

House sharing requires knowing a great deal about the potential room mate before that person moves in, because once they are in the house, if any problems come up, for a variety of reasons, it can be very difficult to get them out.

Your personal safety has to be of utmost importance in your mind. If there is any uncertainty about your safety, you would be better off living alone that to expose yourself to unexpected difficulty or harm.

In addition to personal safety, there is also the risk that your financial future can be compromised as alluded to by Daniel. These risks are greater than one might imagine and is outlined in this online article: Martin Lewis' Blog? | A new danger for anyone who shares a flat / house

In my opinion, if you need to live in a shared accommodation situation, it should be in a monitored and supervised environment where your personal safety is assured, and that there is no shared obligation between residents. In other words, you maintain your independence, come and go as you please, terminate the arrangement when you need to, without any obligations. Some form of monitored and supervised group home might be the answer, and your therapist may be able to help.

 

[CrystalDreamer59]

Okay I understand I might need some help especially with the financial stuff since I'm terrible with money, but aren't group homes for homeless people and I don't want to be homeless. I want to be independent not homeless. People often look down on homeless people and I've had enough of people looking down on me in life. And by the way I'm finally hearing back from my boyfriend and trying to make things up with him. Perhaps if I can make up with him, once I am independent and live in my own apartment we can marry and he can come live in apartment with me. Maybe it's time I tell my therapist I also have a boyfriend as well as wanting to be independent.

 

[Retired]

aren't group homes for homeless people

No, not at all. There are group homes for people sharing a common need or situation where their needs are accommodated by qualified and competent support personnel.

Maybe it's time I tell my therapist I also have a boyfriend as well as wanting to be independent.

Most certainly! That would be an excellent topic to discuss with your therapist, to be able to explore your options, which your therapist should be in the best position to advise you about.

 

[CrystalDreamer59]

I don't have any special need or situation in which I would need to be in a group home. I have already told you many times that I don't have a disability and am not mental. I am just emotional at times. I seriously don't know how many more times I have to tell you all this until you get it in your heads that nothing is wrong with me. And I will be sure to finally tell my therapist that I have a boyfriend and want him to eventually live with me.

 

[David Baxter PhD]

Why do you come here to post at Psychlinks, Crystal?


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[CrystalDreamer59]

Because I am somewhat emotional (but aren't we all) and I was told to get on a website like this because I'm so emotional.

 

[David Baxter PhD]

So do you come here for advice? Support? Help? You ask questions but then you seem to argue with whoever replies to those questions.


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[CrystalDreamer59]

I come here for advice but since I have been put down almost my entire life I am very sensitive when it comes to people thinking I'm mental. Anyway things are looking good between me and my boyfriend so I'm going to tell my therapist about my boyfriend and if it's possible for us to someday get married and live together. If you want you can close this thread because the problems is pretty much solved and it seems we are getting into another argument about rather or not I'm mental.

 

[David Baxter PhD]

We have asked you previously not to use derogatory or condescending terms like "mental" in referring to people with mental health issues. Please comply with that request. It is insulting and hurtful to other Psychlinks members.


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[CrystalDreamer59]

then what term can I use then

 

[David Baxter PhD]

They are people. Many have issues with the past, with life, with relationships, with anxiety or depression or fear. Just like you.


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[CrystalDreamer59]

Okay then why do we even bother labeling people with things like ADHD, OCD, or Autism for example when they are simply going through the same things we are going through.

 

[David Baxter PhD]

They are diagnoses used to describe a set of symptoms or a specific condition, primarily to help patients and their loved ones better understand the condition, and to convey information to other professionals. They are not (usually) used as insults. And I would point out that no one here called you "mental" or insulted you in any way. Daniel cautioned you about roommates and Steve suggested you might consider a group home. The only person who used that derogatory term was you.

This has all been explained to you more than once previously. Obey the rules of this forum community or you will have your membership revoked.


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[CrystalDreamer59]

They seem more like insults to me then a way of trying to understand other people. And I really don't care if my membership is revoked since all of you think there is something wrong with me anyway when really there is not.

 

[David Baxter PhD]

No one forces you to come here, Crystal. Membership here is a free privilege. You are asked to obey our community rules and be respectful to others. That's all. If you can't do that, don't come back.


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